Panel Round One Our panelists answer questions about the week's news: Half Foods.
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Panel Round One

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Panel Round One

Panel Round One

Panel Round One

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Our panelists answer questions about the week's news: Half Foods.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Right now, guys, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, this week, Whole Foods made a big announcement. In 2016, they're going to open a bunch of new stores that will add something really special to the Whole Foods brand - something we've never seen at Whole Foods before. What?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Fat customers?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No.

POUNDSTONE: Polite customers?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I love the employees at Whole Foods, but I cannot stand the customers.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I don't know about you, but all those women with the yoga mats blocking the chip aisle...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...They just bug me.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Well, were they going to - well, I don't know. I thought they were going to put gardens on their roof or something.

SAGAL: That's - I'm sure they say they're going to do that.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I did - well, they said it to me.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Can you give me a hint, Peter?

SAGAL: Yeah, the store - the new chain of stores from Whole Foods has not been given a name, but we're sure the nickname will be something like Half Paycheck.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, they're going to put reasonably priced foods?

SAGAL: Yes, reasonable prices...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Oh, my gosh.

SAGAL: ...For the first time.

POUNDSTONE: You know what? That'll - 'cause, you know what? That - OK, my neighbors and I, last summer, went in on a strawberry from Whole Foods.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: I mean, with interest rates where they are, you can't afford not to.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, exactly. So in a way, this is going to tear my neighborhood apart.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Whole Foods' corporate stock has been slipping of late. It's partially because people have noticed it's weird to have to take out a loan to buy a package of brownies. Apparently people want a store with more reasonable prices. And apparently their customers don't realize that store already exists and is called any other store in the world.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's going to be - we assume it's going to be like a Whole Foods outlet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Flawed and second-quality merchandise in bins.

BURBANK: The quinoa that had, like, a hair in it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The probiotic yogurt that's actually anti-biotic.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Or the vegetarian soup that has a big hambone coming out of it.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Or really anything with gluten.

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Oh, you know they have a new thing at Whole Foods...

SAGAL: Do they?

POUNDSTONE: ...Which is free-range gluten food.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, wouldn't it make sense that if they're having all that gluten-free food, they should have a lot of food that's just gluten...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Just to even out the supply of gluten in the world.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, half-price on gluten. They have those commercials like the used car commercials - yeah, we're giving the gluten away.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I do shop at Whole Foods occasionally, not...

GABE LIEDMAN: Congratulations.

POUNDSTONE: Well, something I am kind of proud of because it just all looks so nice.

SAGAL: It does.

POUNDSTONE: Doesn't it look nice?

SAGAL: Oh, they - their piles of fruit are amazing.

POUNDSTONE: They have the best fruit piles.

SAGAL: They really do.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And I...

SAGAL: Bursting with green.

LIEDMAN: And at the reasonably-priced new stores, all the fruit's just going to be on the floor.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Well, exactly. Well, plus, if I buy something there that is, you know, like a pastry or something, I tell myself that it's healthier.

SAGAL: Right because it's a Whole Food pastry.

POUNDSTONE: Right, exactly. It's in Whole Foods, you know. And so I feel like it must be - therefore, it must be good for you. And so I - yeah, I buy most of my junk food there.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIET MOUNTAIN DEW")

LANA DEL REY: (Singing) You're no good for me. Baby, you're no good for me. You're no good for me.

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