Not My Job: Kim Kardashian Gets Quizzed On Kim Jong Un
MIKE PESCA, HOST:
And now the game where we ask someone who's accomplished great things to accomplish one more. It's called "Not My Job." So from time to time, we have someone on the show that we can't believe agreed to be on the show.
PESCA: Kim Kardashian is a producer, an entrepreneur, a designer, a mom, a model. She's a tabloid magazine, life support system. And now she's a star of public radio. Hello Kim Kardashian. Welcome to WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
KIM KARDASHIAN: How are you?
PESCA: I'm doing well. So the first thing I want to do - and I know you're here to talk about your book about selfies - but the first thing I want to do is I think the biggest thing in your life - I hear that you and your husband Kanye West are expecting your second child. And can the reports be confirmed? Is it a boy?
KARDASHIAN: We actually haven't told anyone the sex. So I heard that we're having a boy. I heard that we're having twins. I heard that I'm not even carrying my own baby. I've heard so many things and most of that information is not true.
PESCA: OK. Well, if anyone needs their privacy respected...
PESCA: You are pregnant, yes? This we know.
KARDASHIAN: This I can confirm, yes.
PESCA: It's a baby.
AMY DICKINSON: It's a baby. Congratulations, by the way.
KARDASHIAN: Thank you.
DICKINSON: That's great news.
PESCA: So your daughter, she's 2 years old. She's named North - North West. Is that her name?
PESCA: North West, yes.
PESCA: We know that the Kardashian family naming convention means you begin your names with a K...
PESCA: From what I understand. So I did some research, OK? And what I did was I researched directions in different languages to give you some suggestion for names.
PESCA: Yeah, so tell me what you think of these, OK? In Sudanese, the word for south is kadoul (ph).
MAZ JOBRANI: That's a good one, kadoul.
KARDASHIAN: I don't like South West, though, because that's like - you know, North will always, you know, be better...
KARDASHIAN: And be more - she has a better direction.
PESCA: Well, yes and - right, you're setting your kids up for conflict...
PESCA: And to be in opposition, aren't you? Yeah.
KARDASHIAN: Exactly, so I wouldn't do that. I don't think we'll go with another direction.
PESCA: Really? So I have - because I've got a bunch - I've got - in Swahili, the word for east in Swahili is kati. The word for east in Hungarian is kallet (ph). I could send you these.
PESCA: Are - I mean, do have an email? Are you on social media? I could...
KARDASHIAN: Send them over.
PESCA: All right.
KARDASHIAN: You'd be surprised at all of the names people do send us.
PESCA: What are some of the things that people have suggested to you about the name?
KARDASHIAN: I mean, everyone keeps on saying South, and I think it's so stupid.
KARDASHIAN: Stupidest thing ever and just ridiculous.
PESCA: Kim, I - it was reported - this I know - this I saw pictures about - that you rented out the Staples Center, where the Lakers and the Clippers play basketball - you rented it out for a birthday party for...
KARDASHIAN: And the Sparks.
PESCA: And the Sparks, right. And you played...
DICKINSON: Thank you, yeah.
PESCA: And you played on their court because it was a birthday party for your husband Kanye and some musical friends, like the Biebs and some NBA friends. Am I getting this right, like James Harden and Carmelo Anthony?
KARDASHIAN: I did rent out the Staples Center. And I always - you know, it's been this big fight where every time I get my daughter something, it could be the smallest toy or especially when I got her playset, which was her Christmas present, my husband wonders, you know, how come we can't get a basketball court? It's the only thing he requested in the house. You can buy, you know, whatever home you want. We'll move anywhere, whatever city, but all I want is a basketball court. And so I've been ignoring his request for like two years.
KARDASHIAN: And so I surprised him with building one in the backyard. But it wasn't going to be ready in time, so I thought well, I have to do something basketball oriented. And so I thought why not? Because it's so normal, I get it - rented out the entire Staples Center to play a game of basketball with him and just his best guy friends. And then I invited a couple NBA players and it was so much fun.
PESCA: It's the best.
PETER GROSZ: You could have gotten one of those little plastic basketball nets.
JOBRANI: You put it over the doorframe.
GROSZ: Toys "R" Us...
DICKINSON: Or in the bathtub, yeah.
KARDASHIAN: And what was so cool was that they had the guys filming it, so they would do the replays - like, everything was like...
DICKINSON: Oh gosh.
KARDASHIAN: A real NBA game, and the real refs and cheerleaders. It was really so special - such a good memory...
PESCA: Was Jack Nicholson courtside?
PESCA: I think you'd have to kick Jack Nicholson out. Every time they open up the Staple Center, they're like shoo, get out of here.
KARDASHIAN: (Unintelligible) That exact seat.
GROSZ: Just like a real Lakers game, Kobe wouldn't let anyone else shoot.
PESCA: Now Kim, I want to talk to you about your book.
KARDASHIAN: Yes, it's riveting.
PESCA: Of course it is. And that's because it's 445 pages of pictures of you...
KARDASHIAN: Of me.
PESCA: Yeah. So this book is "Selfish." I want to get into some deeper philosophical questions - that is the name of the book, "Selfish" - do you have a philosophy of the duck face or a philosophy of the hot-dog legs?
KARDASHIAN: Well, if you notice that at the beginning of the book, there's more - no, towards the middle - there's a lot of duck face going on. In recent years, I'm like too cool for duck face, so that doesn't happen. But, you know, it's just really - I mean, I get it. It's like a bunch of selffies; it's silly. But it's all my memories, and I've been taking photos - not only of myself - but of just my environment and where I'm at and my friends. I thought it was just - you know, selfies are such a really, like, popular thing right now. And I thought it would be really cool to put 'em all in a book.
DICKINSON: Has North ever, like, imitated you and tried to - have you caught her, like, trying to take a selfie?
KARDASHIAN: Well, I had Khloe babysitting her maybe a couple weeks ago over the weekend one day. And she - they sent me a photo of themselves and Khloe and North were doing duck lips.
DICKINSON: Oh no, uh oh.
JOBRANI: That's cute stuff.
KARDASHIAN: And I was like oh no, come on.
PESCA: Kim, you are such a fashion setter, that by saying this, that you have eschewed the duck face - you know, I think actual ducks are no longer going to use it.
PESCA: I think it's over, fowl and man.
KARDASHIAN: I'm over it. And...
KARDASHIAN: There's been... Yeah?
DICKINSON: I'm sorry, do you use a stick at all?
KARDASHIAN: I don't.
JOBRANI: It is definitely more challenging to take a selfie with just your hand.
JOBRANI: The selfie stick - it's like five-feet away by the time you take it.
DICKINSON: I can't...
JOBRANI: It looks like a normal photo.
GROSZ: I can't believe there's a dude making money off that...
KARDASHIAN: It was so interesting that was when I was at the basketball game party, some of the basketball players were taking selfies with us, and I was like this is like using a selfie stick because...
PESCA: Right because their arms are so long.
GROSZ: God gave them two selfie sticks.
DICKINSON: Two selfie sticks.
GROSZ: At the end...
KARDASHIAN: As I'm now, you know, pregnant and as I'm going to get bigger and bigger, the further away, the skinnier you look. So I might have to break it out.
JOBRANI: Playing with perspective, yes.
DICKINSON: Oh. Yeah.
PESCA: But tell me this - tell me this is how Kim Kardashian works - you take a lot of selfies, they clog up your phone, you just throw the phone away, right, and get a new one from your drawer.
PESCA: There is no storing on an external hard drive for you, is there?
KARDASHIAN: Absolutely not. You always have to toss it.
PESCA: Now do you think - who has taken more pictures of you in their lifetime, you...
PESCA: Or the number one...
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
DICKINSON: Oh good.
KARDASHIAN: You don't even have to finish. You don't have to finish.
KARDASHIAN: I don't need the rest - me.
PESCA: All right, Kim Kardashian, we have asked you here to a play game that we are calling...
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: "Keeping Up With Kim Jong Kardashian."
PESCA: So you are the most famous Kim in pretty much every country in the world except North Korea. And if that...
KARDASHIAN: And that is fine with me.
KARDASHIAN: So we're going to ask you three questions about your celebrity rival, Kim Jong Un, who dominates the TMZ on the other side of the DMZ.
PESCA: If you get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, which is Carldashian Kasell's voice on their voicemail. Who is Kim Kardashian playing for?
KURTIS: Kelly Baker of Quincy, Ill.?
PESCA: Are you ready to play, Kim?
PESCA: All right. Back in February, Kim Jong Un released a pamphlet with 300 new slogans for North Korea, including which of these - A) North Korea, the only country in the world...
PESCA: B) let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms, C) nothing - it's what's for dinner.
DICKINSON: Oh my God.
PESCA: What do you think, Kim?
PESCA: Actually, they went with B - let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms.
KARDASHIAN: I don't even know what that means.
DICKINSON: Right, I know.
PESCA: Kim Jong Il, who's Kim Jong Un's father, predecessor and mentor in crazy had many official nicknames. They included Generalissimo, Supreme Commander and which of these - A) The Unbreakable Kimmy Jong Il, Jimmy Kim Jong Immel...
PESCA: Or C) The Eternal Bosom Of Hot Love?
DICKINSON: Oh my God.
PESCA: Well, remember how confused you were with the mushrooms?
PESCA: Just let that be your guide.
PESCA: Yes, it was C.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL AND APPLAUSE)
PESCA: The Eternal Bosom of Hot Love. So last year, Kim Jong Un instituted a new law starting in March 2014, all male students had to do what? A) pick Kim Jong Un first in dodgeball...
PESCA: B) they had to change their name to either Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall or Kylie Jung Un, or C) they had to get exactly the same haircut as Kim Jung Un.
DICKINSON: Oh my God.
KARDASHIAN: Why do I think it's C?
PESCA: It is C.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL AND APPLAUSE)
PESCA: The rule applies only to males who are students. Other males are allowed to choose from 10 state-sanctioned haircuts, which I know would be hell for you. Bill, how did Kim Kardashian do on our quiz?
KURTIS: She's a winner - 2 out of 3. Congratulations, Kim.
KARDASHIAN: Oh, I love your voice, Bill.
KURTIS: Oh, thanks Kim. Tell Kanye hello - a Chicagoan.
KARDASHIAN: I will.
PESCA: Maybe - maybe a line available on the next album? I don't know. Kim Kardashian West's new book "Selfish" is on sale now. You can download her app "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" at the App Store, Google Play and Facebook. Kim Kardashian, thank you so much for joining us.
KARDASHIAN: Thank you.
DICKINSON: Thanks Kim.
KARDASHIAN: Thank you for having me.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PICTURES OF YOU")
THE CURE: (Singing) I've been looking so long at these pictures of you that I almost believe that they're real.
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