Bluff The Listener
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.
KATY WILSON: Hi, this is Katy Wilson.
SAGAL: Hey Katy. How are you?
WILSON: I am doing well, calling you from rainy Pittsburgh, Pa.
SAGAL: Really, Pittsburgh?
SAGAL: So when you say it rained, let me ask you, how fast was that rain moving east?
WILSON: It is coming, but we are undercover here, so...
SAGAL: I'm glad to hear it. Well, so are some of our audience here. Katy, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. We have a special one for you today. Bill, what is the topic?
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Do quit your day job.
SAGAL: All right, we pay our panelists untold amounts of money to be on our show. But strangely, they do have other jobs. Tom, as you know, does radio ads for Motel 6. Peter Grosz does ads himself for Sonic burgers. Amy, of course, is the Amy behind the Ask Amy advice column. Well, this very week, one mistake that they made - one of them made in their day job - made the news. We're going to ask each of our panelists to tell the story on themselves, but only one of them is telling the truth. Your job - pick the panelist who, in fact, made a boo-boo in their other gig. Are you ready to do that?
WILSON: I am so ready.
SAGAL: All right. First up, let's hear from Peter Grosz.
PETER GROSZ: For those of you who don't own a TV or live in the South or go to sports bars where you're talking to friends and my face suddenly appears in the background, I should tell you I have been in a series of Sonic commercials for Sonic drive-in that have been playing every 15 minutes on every channel for the last 20 years.
GROSZ: I'm the guy in the driver's seat. But you may have noticed that we never actually drive anywhere. We're like two characters in a Beckett play about hamburgers.
GROSZ: This has been to my advantage over the years because I cannot drive. I grew up in New York. I went to college, and I lived in Chicago for 15 years. I live in New York now, and so I just never learned how to drive. This hadn't been an issue until this week, when the good people from Sonic came up with an idea for a commercial that started with me driving the car into the parking spot. I was too embarrassed to admit to my lack of motor skills, so I said sure, I'll do it, figuring - how hard could it be? Well, for me, the answer turned out to be very, very hard. First, I shifted into neutral. And then after realizing the little D stands for drive, I pressed on the gas with all the gusto of the Duke boys trying to outrun Boss Hogg, and I slammed our car into the side of the restaurant. Fortunately, no one was hurt and Sonic has a very good insurance policy that specifically covers them against grown men too proud to admit they're less coordinated than the average 16-year-old.
SAGAL: Peter Grosz drives into a Sonic drive-in while acting in an ad for them. Your next workplace confession comes from Amy Dickinson.
AMY DICKINSON: As an advice columnist, I spend a lot of time reading through psychology journals to ensure that I give the most up-to-date advice. But this week, I got a letter that made me wish I'd spent more time on Netflix. It came from a guy who called himself devastated. He said he knew his girlfriend was cheating on him. She had also falsely accused him of hitting her. He described the whole mess, quote, "it's tearing me apart." I ran his letter in my column, and I gave him pretty good advice, I thought. Turns out, I was pranked by someone describing the basic plot to the cult movie "The Room," a movie famous for being the worst movie ever made. And about 10,000 people have enjoyed letting me know that I got trolled, like a commentator on the AV Club website who wrote (reading) you'd think with all of her appearances on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, she'd be hip to the joke. I'm looking forward to it blowing over, though, so I can get back to helping real people, like that girl who can't pick between her vampire boyfriend and her best friend the werewolf.
DICKINSON: I'm looking forward to that.
SAGAL: Amy gives advice to the protagonist of the worst movie ever made, "The Room." Your last tale of professional misconduct comes from Tom Bodett.
TOM BODETT: When Wendy O'Connell marched into her darkened Motel 6 room in Columbus, Ohio, tripped over the desk chair and broke her wrist, her first thought was, of course, I'm going to sue Tom Bodett for not leaving the light on.
BODETT: The following is a portion of the court transcript of my testimony last Tuesday before the Franklin County Board of Police, Judge David Blistein (ph) presiding. Plantiff's attorney Richard Parra (ph) - have you or have you not promised to leave the light on at all your properties? Tom Bodett, me - it's more of a sentiment than a promise. Mr. Parra - do you or do you not identify yourself and Motel 6 then say we'll leave the light on for you? Me - I do. Mr. Para - are you lying when you say it? Me - it means we're expecting you. It's figurative. Mr. Parra - Ms. O'Connell's pain and suffering is anything but figurative. I understand the tagline we'll leave the light on for you was your invention. Is this true? Me - sort of. It's something my mother used to say. Mr. Parra - you're blaming this on your mother?
BODETT: Me - would it help if I did? She's dead. Mr. Parra - may the court please note Mr. Bodett's willingness to throw his own mother under the bus to save himself. Me - she died of emphysema. Where did the bus come from?
BODETT: Mr. Parra - it's figurative.
BODETT: Judge Blistein - Judge Blistein - you seem a lot smarter on the radio, and I've heard enough. The court rules in favor of the plaintiff. So unless we prevail on appeal, come January 1, all commercials for Motel 6 will conclude I'm Tom Bodett, and we'll leave the light on for you - illumination in individual rooms may vary. Use caution when entering and don't believe every stupid thing you hear on the radio.
SAGAL: All right, so these are your three choices. Peter Grosz does commercials for Sonic. Did he, in fact, hop into the car, start it and actually drive through the drive-through? From Amy Dickinson, who gives advice, did she give advice to a fictional character, specifically the protagonist of "The Room," the cult classic terrible movie? Or from Tom Bodett, did somebody sue him and his company Motel 6, for not, in fact, leaving the light on?
WILSON: Well, you know, Peter, I have tried to practice and think up some of these hypotheticals in my head before this.
WILSON: So I - you know, I'm going to have to go with A.
SAGAL: You're going to have to go with...
WILSON: Peter Grosz's story.
SAGAL: ...With Peter Grosz's story of how he, filming a sonic commercial - as he actually does, you've seen them - got in the car, started it, drove right into the wall of the restaurant? That's your choice?
SAGAL: OK. Now, usually, we bring you recorded testimony proving which story is true. Well, this time we don't have to do that because we have everybody right here so Peter Grosz.
SAGAL: Did you, in fact, this week, while filming a Sonic commercial, drive the Sonic commercial car into the wall of the Sonic drive-in?
GROSZ: I did not.
GROSZ: You are - I am sorry. You are incorrect. The correct answer was the story given to you by Amy Dickinson.
SAGAL: That is, in fact, the case.
SAGAL: Sadly, I am afraid you did not win our prize because Peter fooled you with his very realistic story.
DICKINSON: And I'm like a double loser.
GROSZ: Triple - you might lose at the end of the show, too.
SAGAL: It's never - but you did earn a point.
BODETT: It's going to be the beginning of a really awful spiral for you.
DICKINSON: I know.
SAGAL: But you did earn a point for Peter Grosz for telling a horribly realistic story. By the way, Peter, can you, in fact, drive?
GROSZ: I drive great. I'm a fantastic driver.
SAGAL: All right. Let that be known. So thank you so much for playing. It was great to have you on the show, Katy.
WILSON: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "PURE PRAIRIE LEAGUE")
THE MARSHALL TUCKER BAND: (Singing) Amy, what you want to do? I think I could stay with you for a while, maybe longer if I do.
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