Limericks Bill reads three news-related limericks: Man's Best Device; Gin and Thorax; Baaaad Language



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Bill reads three news-related limericks: Man's Best Device; Gin and Thorax; Baaaad Language

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Support for NPR comes from NPR member stations and from Angie's List, where members and visitors can shop and buy services from local business including house cleaners, handymen, landscapers and remodelers. Learn more at Carbonite - providing secure backup and recovery for business and homes. Since 2005, Carbonite has backed up more than 500 billion files, from email services to family photos. Learn more at Subaru - automotive partner of the National Park Service Centennial. Subaru encourages people to explore America's treasures. And discover a National Park Adventure at Love - it's what makes a Subaru a Subaru. And the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, working with others to build a culture of health, enabling all in America's diverse society to lead healthier lives, now and for the generations to come. On the web at

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, then NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, and here's your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.


Thank you, Bill. So we are talking science this week. We are talking science. We're not - we personally are not good at science except for one area where we claim absolute mastery if you have a really loose definition of science.

KURTIS: Every week we present three limericks, written by our resident limericist, Philipp Goedicke. He has a master's in limerick science from the Limerick Institute, located, of course, on Nantucket.

SAGAL: Here's a good example of his work from May of 2015.


SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

CAITLIN JENSEN: Hi, this is Caitlin calling from beautiful downtown Tucson, Ariz.

SAGAL: I am a fan of Tucson and a particular fan of downtown Tucson, so good for you.

JENSEN: Why, thank you.

SAGAL: That's great. What do you do there in downtown Tucson?

JENSEN: Surprisingly enough, I actually help to market downtown Tucson.

SAGAL: Really?


ADAM FELBER: Mission accomplished.

SAGAL: I feel like you owe me $50.


SAGAL: Caitlin, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play?

JENSEN: I hope so.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

KURTIS: I'm a Mapplethorpe Rottweiler mixture. When my tail wags, the camera goes click-ture. For my visual blog, follow Instagram dog. I'm a mutt who is taking your...

JENSEN: ...Picture.



SAGAL: Nikon has released a new camera especially for dogs. This is because dogs are the only mammals around who still might want to buy an actual camera. The cameras are attached to your dog's chest by a strap. When they see something that makes them excited and the dog's heart rate accelerates, the camera snaps a picture, which then gets sent directly to you.

FELBER: So you get a lot of dog butts.

SAGAL: Yeah, basically.


ROBERT GOLDTHWAIT: That's great - squirrel...

FELBER: Pile of something not edible.

SAGAL: Yeah. Yeah.

GOLDTHWAIT: Back tire.

SAGAL: Person's leg - close, far, close, far, close, far, close, far.


SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Some botanicals don't come from plants but from insects, if given the chance. I'm putting my still right by this soft hill. My gin is made mostly from...

JENSEN: Oh, tell me it's not ants.

SAGAL: It is ants.

KURTIS: It is. It is.


SAGAL: Yes, ants - we should say ants, the insect, not aunts, your mother's sisters. At long last, a distiller is selling Anty Gin. That's gin flavored with, quote, "the essence of 62 ants." Because sometimes you want to skip the five or six drinks you'll need to throw up and just do it immediately.


GOLDTHWAIT: What's ant essence?

SAGAL: I don't know. We're told that it's sort of a citrusy flavor.


SAGAL: Yeah, who knew?

GOLDTHWAIT: Do they have to kill the ants to get their essence?

FELBER: Oh, no, Bob. They put them in a retirement hill afterwards.


SAGAL: They send them to a farm. No, they attach them to tiny, little milking machines to milk their essence.


GOLDTHWAIT: I'm ant-milk-intolerant.



SAGAL: Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: 'Cause you humans are rude when conversing, after shearing, we're quickly dispersing. This mild-mannered flock doesn't like shepherd's talk. They beat sailors by miles with their...

JENSEN: Cursing.

SAGAL: Cursing, yes, very good.


KURTIS: Good for you, Caitlin.

JENSEN: Thank you.

SAGAL: An Australian sheep farmer may lose his flock after neighbors complained that he was using bad words in front of his sheep.


SAGAL: Everyone knows sheep are very sensitive to harsh language - must be kept pure and innocent. You don't want your little sheep going, bah-bah, mother-bleeping bah.


SAGAL: Bill, how did Caitlin do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Caitlin got three right.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations.

JENSEN: Thank you so much.

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