Panel Round Two More questions for the panel: Nine Lives, Zero Loves.

Panel Round Two

Panel Round Two

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More questions for the panel: Nine Lives, Zero Loves.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago this is WAIT, WAIT ...DON'T TEL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Roxanne Roberts and Faith Salie. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.



Thank you Bill. In just a minute, Bill will write a fan letter to his favorite country star, LeAnn Rimes, in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, but right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Roxanne, according to a new study, who not only doesn't love you, but has in fact never loved you?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Oh, is this going to break my heart?

SAGAL: Yes. We're bringing him out now. We have some news for you.


ROBERTS: Is it your dog?

SAGAL: No, you're close. Your dog loves you.

ROBERTS: Your cat.

SAGAL: Of course, your cat.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, for heaven's sakes.

ROBERTS: My cats love me.

SAGAL: That's what you think.

ROBERTS: No, I know.

SAGAL: According to research from the University of Lincoln, cats use you for food and warmth. They feel no emotional connection to you whatsoever. Their methodology is fascinating. They tested this by just looking at every cat ever. It's obvious. This news, though, comes too late for the thousands of ladies who were like, huh, still no affection - better get a 12th one.


SAGAL: What's interesting is on the show over the years, we've reported in a number of studies people keep trying to find some evidence of actual affection or attachment or loyalty in cats. They never find it, but we refuse to believe its so they keep studying it. You can see why people would think a cat would like you. They rub up against you. They meow at you when you walk by, but this is just to make you feel desired, even though you're not, so that you take care of them. They are basically the hookers of the animal kingdom. That's why you can pet them, but you cannot kiss them on the mouth.


ROBERTS: All right, all right. As a cat lady, all right - as a cat lady, then if this study is correct, was this done by dog people, for example? Were these, like, dog scientists who...

SAGAL: Are you asking me if the scientists themselves were dogs?


SAGAL: Oh, I don't think these cats are nice at all. Oh, I don't think so. Oh, they're bad cats.

POUNDSTONE: When we're done studying them, let's chase them and eat them.

SAGAL: Yeah, you know what I want to study - I want to study squirrels.


SAGAL: Squirrels are awful.

ROBERTS: Before we move on...


ROBERTS: I'm just sensing a real anti-cat bias here, and I just don't think it's fair.

SAGAL: I'm not biased.

POUNDSTONE: It's not fair at all.

ROBERTS: I think it's - no, I think it's...

SAGAL: I'm not biased.

POUNDSTONE: He's clearly biased.

ROBERTS: So biased.

SAGAL: I'm not biased. I hate cats.

POUNDSTONE: There. I'm not more partial to cats than I am to dogs, but I'm much more partial to cat people.

FAITH SALIE: I am about Muppets and that's it.

SAGAL: Right.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, yeah, and they're easier to care for.

SAGAL: That's because they have no bottom half.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, what are the odds of Frank Oz having a little accident your living room?


POUNDSTONE: No, Frank - outside, outside.


SAGAL: I bet he'd do a voice then.

POUNDSTONE: Me no poop on rug.


POUNDSTONE: Me want privacy.


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