Panel Round Two
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Mo Rocca, Roxanne Roberts and Bobcat Goldthwait. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, filling in for Peter Segal, Mike Pesca.
MIKE PESCA, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thank you. In just a minute - take that, Helen Mirren. Bill's a rhyme suspect in out Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panels, some more questions from this week's news. Roxanne.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: Yes.
PESCA: At this week's Detroit Auto Show, Chrysler unveiled its new minivan. According to Chrysler's head designer, it is the first-ever minivan that won't stop you from doing what?
ROBERTS: Won't stop you from moving to the suburbs?
PESCA: I'm going to give you a hint. This...
PESCA: Cause-and-effect, maybe. This minivan is the mostly likely of all minivans to be found a-rocking.
ROBERTS: It won't stop you from having sex in the minivan.
PESCA: That is correct. Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
ROBERTS: Wait - when did minivans stop you from having sex?
MO ROCCA: Oh, come on.
ROBERTS: Have you ever had sex in a minivan?
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: When they put the DVD player in.
PESCA: The moment they rolled off the assembly line.
ROBERTS: I'm sorry. Is it - I just want to clarify this. Is the idea that this is a car that's cool enough to have - a minivan that's cool enough to have sex in finally?
PESCA: That's what the head designer is saying. He said, quote, "I think even single guys can get laid in this thing."
PESCA: Because what would be a bigger turn-on than a four-wheeled reminder of the consequences of having sex?
PESCA: It looks cool. I've seen the minivan. It looks cooler than a minivan, but it's still a minivan. And say that it will get you laid - that is a Volkswagen-level lie about this vehicle.
PESCA: And especially saying that a single guy will be buying any minivan raised my eyebrows. The only single guy driving a minivan is a guy whose mother bought the van 16 years ago...
PESCA: ...Handed it down to him. All right, Bobcat.
PESCA: A South Korean inventor has finally created the robot that mankind has been waiting for. What makes this robot special?
GOLDTHWAIT: Oh, I was just talking about this earlier.
GOLDTHWAIT: No - I'm just trying to pull something up.
PESCA: You want a hint?
ROCCA: Pull some (unintelligible).
GOLDTHWAIT: Go - yeah, give me a hint.
PESCA: I'll throw a hint to you. Input Jagermeister here.
GOLDTHWAIT: Oh. So it drinks with you?
PESCA: It does drink with you, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL AND APPLAUSE)
PESCA: Scientists who have been worried about the robot apocalypse can finally set aside their fears thanks to the new robot Drinky, machines are no longer going to enslave us. They're going to puke on our shoes.
ROCCA: So it's a drinking buddy, a wingman, basically?
PESCA: Yeah, exactly, exactly. It was built for the purpose that you never have to drink alone. All you have to do is put a glass - a drink in Drinky's hand. You toast with him, and he tips back shot after shot.
GOLDTHWAIT: Is his name really Drinky?
PESCA: It's Drinky.
GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah. That was a real lazy day when they were spitballing.
GOLDTHWAIT: Does his voice get louder and do the stories not end?
PESCA: (Imitating robotic voice) Though I can feel no emotion, I love you, man.
PESCA: Oh, Drinky.
GOLDTHWAIT: And then suddenly he tries to pick a fight.
ROCCA: I'm just curious. Will the robot spoon with you later?
ROCCA: I'm asking for a friend.
GOLDTHWAIT: I would like a spooning robot.
ROCCA: Oh, that would be nice, but it would have to be plush.
ROCCA: It couldn't be metallic.
GOLDTHWAIT: No, not a metallic, no. But it would be closer to an actual spoon then.
PESCA: Right, right.
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