Panel Round One
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
We want to remind everyone they can join us most weeks at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Ill. For tickets and more information, go to WBEZ.org. Or you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. Right now panel time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Luke, a new kind of veggie burger sold out in one hour during a trial at Whole Foods. People say it's the veggie burger everybody's been waiting for because unlike other veggie burgers, this one does what?
LUKE BURBANK: It bleeds.
SAGAL: It does...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Luke. It does bleed. The new Beyond Burger is what it's called - bleeds bright red beet juice when you bite into it.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: That's disgusting.
SAGAL: So they're well on the way to perfectly simulating the real burger experience just as soon as they can figure out a way to make it give you heart disease.
SAGAL: Based on the success, they're about to launch their next innovation, a veggie chicken patty that begs for its life.
SAGAL: But here's the thing, it's weird to think that, like, carefully simulated bleeding is what vegetarians crave.
SAGAL: I - I know a number of vegetarians. I thought you loved your vegetables. I didn't think you secretly resented them for not having flesh.
ROY BLOUNT JR.: Beets have feelings.
SAGAL: They're feeling pretty beat.
BLOUNT JR.: Hey, hey...
ROBERTS: What are they calling this, the stigmata burger?
SAGAL: No, it's - oh...
SAGAL: It's a miracle.
BLOUNT JR.: Well, they can make waffles that bleed. You can make anything that bleeds if you can...
SAGAL: That would be alarming.
BLOUNT JR.: Yeah.
BURBANK: The good news is you don't have to eat bloody waffles anymore if you're not hungry.
SAGAL: That's true.
BURBANK: We know that now.
BURBANK: That's what the research shows.
SAGAL: I like a waffle that bleeds, a pancake that screams - (shouting).
BURBANK: That would be an incredibly effective diet plan...
SAGAL: It really would be.
BURBANK: ...If all of...
BURBANK: ...All of your food was just deeply upsetting as you tried to eat it.
SAGAL: I know.
BLOUNT JR.: Or it really asked you to eat it. You know, that would be even worse if it had its own masochistic thing about it...
SAGAL: Please, please...
BLOUNT JR.: Eat me.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LET IT BLEED")
THE STONES: (Singing) We all need someone we can bleed on. Yeah, yea, and if you want it, baby, why don't you bleed on me?
SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists fix your car in our Bluff The Listener game. Called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.