Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...Unconventional, Imitation Game, Cruz Missile
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...Unconventional, Imitation Game, Cruz Missile

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I go all day long, baby. I'm your Billibuster (ph), Bill Kurtis.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: And here is your host at the Wolf Trap National Park for the Performing Arts in Vienna, Va., Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It is great to be back at Wolf Trap in Northern Virginia. Later on we're going to be talking to the head of NASA, Charles Bolden, about how annoying it is that all these people keep making the same jokes about wanting to leave the planet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But first, you may be asking why with the rest of the media world in Cleveland this week, why are we in the nation's capital? Because we knew everybody would be out of town and we needed cheap places to stay.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By the way, there is a slip and slide at Mitch McConnell's place.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We don't care where you're squatting for the moment, just give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

CHRIS WILLIS: Hey, Peter. It's Chris Willis from Longmont, Colo.

SAGAL: Longmont, Colo., that's a nice place to be.

(APPLAUSE)

WILLIS: It sure is.

SAGAL: And I'm hoping it's not as humid as there is it is here because basically I'm in a sauna. How are you doing?

WILLIS: It's pretty hot for Colorado.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. I guess it's hot for everywhere. What do you do there?

WILLIS: I'm an operations manager for a fire nozzle manufacturer.

SAGAL: A fire nozzle manufacturer.

WILLIS: I - it's the business end of a fire hose.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, let me introduce you to our panel, Chris. First up, it's a feature writer for the style section of The Washington Post right here in Washington, Roxanne Roberts.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hello, Chris.

(APPLAUSE)

WILLIS: Hey, Roxanne.

SAGAL: Next, a man who always leaves the lights on even though it is terrible for his carbon footprint. It is Tom Bodett.

TOM BODETT: Hello, Chris.

(APPLAUSE)

WILLIS: Hey, Tom. How are you?

BODETT: I'm good.

SAGAL: And the comedian whose new live comedy CD "North By Northwest" is now available on iTunes and at paulapoundstone.com, it's Paula Poundstone.

(APPLAUSE)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, hey. Hey, Chris. Chris, let me ask you something. Do you have a fire hose nozzle at home?

WILLIS: I do.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You must blow up water balloons so fast.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What...

WILLIS: I shoo away the cats really quickly.

SAGAL: Oh, God.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: With a fire hose, you can shoo that cat into the next county.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIS: Yup.

SAGAL: Now, we're going to start our show as we always do with a game we call Who's Bill This Time. That's where Bill Kurtis right here is going to recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, identify or explain just two of them. Now, this time of course all three of your quotes are going to be from the same from the same big news event. Are you ready to play?

WILLIS: Yes, sir. I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go. Here is your first quote.

KURTIS: Other than a small group of people who have suffered massive and embarrassing losses, the party is very united.

SAGAL: That was somebody summing up...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...In the terms that only he can conjure. The convention that nominated him for president, who was it?

WILLIS: It would be Donald Trump.

SAGAL: Yes, it was Donald Trump. The Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland was filled this week with anger, accusations and vicious fights between former allies. By Thursday, it was the worst stadium since the Superdome after Katrina.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, heck of a job, Trumpy (ph).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It was so bad in Cleveland, the Cuyahoga River tried to set itself on fire again.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The climax was, of course, Donald Trump's acceptance speech on Thursday. In it he said to the American people, quote, "I am your voice." Suddenly, America knows how Luke Skywalker felt when Darth Vader said I am your father.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: You know, going into that convention, I was prepared to be insulted and lied to, embarrassed, frightened. And then, as I started watching it, I was so glad I prepared.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I know you haven't had a drink in a long time, Tom. Were you tempted?

BODETT: Yeah. Well, I did. I came up with a drinking game to do while you watch the convention. It's called drinking.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I do think I saw the "60 Minutes" interview with him and Pence, and I'm fairly certain that Pence was promised to fish every time he said this is a good man.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I was wondering why Trump kept reaching into that little bucket on his belt.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Now I know why.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

BODETT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, we have more from the convention so here is your next quote.

KURTIS: You work hard for what you want in life.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Your word is your bond.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: And you do what you say you're going to do.

SAGAL: Who said that in a stirring speech on the first night of the political convention nominating her husband for president?

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIS: (Laughter) I think it's wife number three.

(LAUGHTER)

WILLIS: Mrs. Trump.

SAGAL: We'll have to give it to you. It's Melania Trump. We also would have excepted - we also for a correct answer we would have accepted Michelle Obama...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Since, of course, she said just about the same words at her convention speech in 2008. The Slovenian-born fashion model expressed the same sentiments that Michelle did in 2008. It was sort of, you know, pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, but use somebody else's speech.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: But didn't you get suspicious when she said four score and seven year...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Yeah, right.

POUNDSTONE: You know...

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: This one was - the woman that finally took credit for this, you know, took the fall for it was a former ballerina. And the ballet community was very offended...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I can imagine.

ROBERTS: ...By the fact it was a former ballerina.

SAGAL: It is true that at the end of the week, after two days of, like, they're utterly denying that this had happened, the Trump campaign put out a letter from a in-house speechwriter who took the fall. She said it was entirely her fault. She apologized to Mr. and Mrs. Trump and to her family, Barack, Malia and Sasha.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Chris. We have one more quote for you from the big convention. Here it is.

KURTIS: I'm not a servile puppy dog.

SAGAL: That was someone explaining why he stood up in front of the RNC on Wednesday night and refused to endorse Donald Trump. Who?

WILLIS: That'd be Ted Cruz.

SAGAL: Yes, Ted Cruz.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's right. Ted Cruz stood in front of his erstwhile supporters from Texas and said I'm not a puppy dog. I will not be compared to something people actually like.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: I don't know if he's never had a puppy, but they're not generally servile.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: I mean, I'm not coming down one way or the other for puppies. I'm just saying that they don't...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: They're not really developmentally able to do what you say just yet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So if you missed it, Ted Cruz agreed to speak at the RNC on Wednesday, but at the end of the speech, just when everybody expected him to finish his case by saying and that's what you should vote for Trump, he said vote your conscience, which has become kind of a synonym for don't vote for Donald Trump. And the convention went crazy. They were booing and shouting vote your conscience? After three days of the RNC, nobody had any conscience left.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the analysts said that Cruz was setting himself up for 2020. This is the logic. If Trump loses, he'll be in the best position to say I told you so and seize the nomination then. And if Trump wins, Cruz will be well-positioned to lead his band of marauders in the smoldering hell scape.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Yeah, I mean, I like the optimism of the thought that there's going to be an election in 2020.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Chris do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three right. He's a big winner.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, congratulations Chris.

WILLIS: Thanks very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "CRUISIN")

SMOKEY ROBINSON: (Singing) You're going to fly away. Glad you're going my way. I love it when we're cruising together. The music is played for love. Cruising is made for love. I love it when we're cruising together.

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