Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Drop and Give Me 40 Winks, Pain IPA, Time In-smell-morial.
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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Drop and Give Me 40 Winks, Pain IPA, Time In-smell-morial.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game we have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago or, if you prefer and are in Philadelphia, come see us June 29 at the beautiful Mann Center. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

BETHANY: Hi, Peter.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

BETHANY: This is Bethany (ph) calling from Grand Rapids, Mich.

SAGAL: Bethany from Grand Rapids.

BETHANY: Yes.

SAGAL: How are things in Grand Rapids?

BETHANY: Cold.

SAGAL: Yeah, still yeah - the spring here has not been too spring-like yet. What do you do there in Grand Rapids?

BETHANY: Well, currently I am sitting on my bathroom floor eating mac and cheese out of the pan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know what I love? You know what I love about our listeners? Every one of them lives life to the fullest.

LUKE BURBANK: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Why, Bethany? Not that I mind. Not that I haven't myself found myself on various floors eating various things. But why are you doing that?

BETHANY: Can't wake up the baby.

SAGAL: Oh.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: You know, Bethany...

SAGAL: Of course.

POUNDSTONE: ...My kids are really adults now and I still eat mac and cheese...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...On the bathroom floor.

SAGAL: Once you do it a few times you just get used to it.

BURBANK: Just to be safe.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, it's just the best place to have it.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Bethany, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis right now is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks - just two - you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: This class has us down in a heap. We count reps of a flock of fit sheep. If I happen to snore, that is great for my core. In this gym class we all get to...

BETHANY: Sleep?

SAGAL: Yes. Sleep.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes, it is.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A chain of gyms in the United Kingdom has come up with a new way to take your money, sleep workouts. It's called nappercise.

BURBANK: Oh, no.

SAGAL: Don't let the ercise (ph), though, fool you. You're just going to go to the gym and take a nap.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The class is a wide open room, lots of comfortable beds. You climb in, you grab a sleep mask, you get to napping. The gym says that because they have lowered the temperature in the room, sleeping and maintaining body temperature actually burns calories. You wake up about an ounce lighter and with a refreshing case of hypothermia.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It sounds great until that weird guy at the gym asks you to spot for him and then he spoons you.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: So you have to be uncomfortably cold for the...

SAGAL: Yeah, that's the theory of it.

BURBANK: ...Process to work. That seems like that's going to make it hard to fall asleep there.

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, that's the thing. I mean, you can't fall asleep if you're too cold. That's a terrible problem. So I don't know how it's supposed to work. But that's the idea.

POUNDSTONE: They did this at my kid's preschool. It worked.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: From small aches down to fevers and chills, the hair of the dog cures my ills. Placebo pale ale makes me healthy and hale. Two tall ones beat out a few...

BETHANY: Pills.

SAGAL: Pill, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Very good, Bethany. A series of studies have proved that (unintelligible)...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A series of studies that proved that two pints of beer are as effective at dulling pain as taking two aspirin. Six pints of beer will dull everything.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The study was published in The Journal of Pain, previously known for their peer-reviewed hit single, "Jump Around."

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, how can you even tell us there's a thing called Journal of Pain and not tell us where we can buy it?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It says while beer is more effective than some over-the-counter painkillers, there are side effects like weight gain and dancing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: All of Washington's souvenirs sell. Put his Bible in this vacuum bell, then pump out the air and distill it with care. We will bottle George Washington's...

BETHANY: Smell.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, Bethany.

KURTIS: You are good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You are on this.

KURTIS: Really.

SAGAL: Two researchers at the University of London have a new project preserving the odors of history. What did George Washington's BO smell like? What did the alleys of medieval London smell like? The historians hope to catalogue and reproduce important smells of our past.

POUNDSTONE: How do they get the smell? I mean, isn't - aren't these times past?

SAGAL: I think so. But I think they're going to try to recreate them based on their knowledge of the time.

POUNDSTONE: I see. But the other thing is who's to argue with them?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I mean, if I get, like, a bottle of, you know, eau de George Washington, I can't really take it back and go, that's not what he smelled like.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Paula, I wouldn't put it by you.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: You know there's no way - I mean, Founding Fathers, great. Thank you for the democracy in its final two weeks.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: But there's no way those dudes smelled good. Wigs, no air conditioning.

POUNDSTONE: Gout.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I didn't even mention the gout.

SAGAL: Yeah. Bill, how did Bethany do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Bethany, you got them all right. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: (Unintelligible) Bethany.

BETHANY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bethany, how long do you expect to be having to sit on the floor?

BETHANY: Well, I'm about halfway through the pot. So...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for calling, Bethany.

BETHANY: Thank you, Peter.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(APPLAUSE, SOUNDBITE OF IAN BERNARD'S "INQUISITIVE TANGO")

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