Panel Questions Textual Relations; Law and Order: Special Nap Unit; Fido the Phony
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Panel Questions

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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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Textual Relations; Law and Order: Special Nap Unit; Fido the Phony

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Alonzo Bodden, Amy Dickinson and Adam Felber. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill duets with James Taylor in a touching rendition of "Caro-rhyma (ph) On My Mind." It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Alonzo, a new study shows that while communicating, what little addition can save a relationship?

ALONZO BODDEN: Apology.

(LAUGHTER)

AMY DICKINSON: Try it.

SAGAL: No.

BODDEN: Let's see. I'm taking this - it's communication between the two people...

SAGAL: The two people.

BODDEN: ...Involved in the relationship.

SAGAL: And I'll give you a hint. These days, as you know, most communication between people happens by text. So adding what can save your relationship?

BODDEN: Punctuation.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: No, I'm telling you from experience, punctuation...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: ...Makes a huge difference, Peter.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: Oh, that comma will save you sometime.

ADAM FELBER: Yeah.

BODDEN: OK. So...

SAGAL: For example, eggplant, peach, happy face, question mark.

BODDEN: Emojis?

SAGAL: Yes, emojis.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: That's the key. What is the difference between a marriage counselor and a tiny picture of a smiling turd? Well, one can save your relationship and the other never just comes out and tells your wife that she's the one who's wrong.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A linguistics study shows that emojis can help men and women avoid misunderstandings by expressing the tone and underlying emotion of a text. That is why Apple is currently developing a sexually frustrated with poor self-esteem face emoji...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Just for teenage boys to use while texting girls.

BODDEN: I'm sticking with punctuation on this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Adam, just like the United States, Japan has problems with its police force. In Japan, many police officers are in desperate need of what?

FELBER: Pants.

SAGAL: No, they have pants. They're well-pleated. They're nice.

FELBER: I'm going to - what I need is a hint.

SAGAL: I see. Well, the...

FELBER: Do they need hints?

SAGAL: No. Well, they - who doesn't in this puzzle of a life?

FELBER: Yes.

SAGAL: Their motto is to protect and twiddle our thumbs.

FELBER: They need work.

SAGAL: Yes, they need jobs, something to do.

FELBER: They need crime.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They need crime. Japan is bad as being bad. Crime rates in Japan have fallen so low in the last 13 years that police officers are literally looking for things to occupy their time. In fact, in one case - and this is real - a group of police just set out a case of beer on the sidewalk and waited for someone to take one only to immediately charge them with theft. Not only are they bored, they have no idea how to throw a party.

BODDEN: I'm just thinking "Law And Order: Tokyo" would be the most boring show you've ever seen.

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: (Imitating "Law And Order" theme) What do you think happened here, lieutenant?

BODDEN: Nothing.

DICKINSON: Not much.

SAGAL: Nothing at all.

FELBER: How about over here? Let's just draw chalk outlines anyway.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Maybe a body will fall in.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Amy, the summer travel season is upon us. And according to a report from KTVI in St. Louis, more and more people are traveling with completely fraudulent what?

DICKINSON: Family members or...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're not really my sister. No. You're almost...

DICKINSON: Completely fraudulent...

SAGAL: You're close. Some people consider them a member of their family, which is why perhaps...

DICKINSON: Pets. Animals.

SAGAL: Yes, pets, completely fraudulent support animals.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: Oh.

FELBER: Oh, support - oh, I've seen this. I've seen this.

DICKINSON: Well, who hasn't wanted to do that?

SAGAL: We all know traveling by airplane with a pet is expensive. It's no fun for the pet down in the hold. But the law says you can bring a, quote, "service animal" on any airplane for free. But still, it's really inconvenient to lie to your therapist or blind yourself with acid, so many people are just picking up a - you know, just buying a vest for their dog and faking that their dogs are emotional support animals when in many cases they're quite emotionally distant. I will say that the people who actually need support animals, people who are blind and need seeing eye dogs, et cetera, they are outraged by this.

DICKINSON: I bet the...

SAGAL: In fact...

FELBER: Plus the effect on the animal knowing that they've been roped into this life of crime.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know what? They should...

BODDEN: They'd better not be flying to Tokyo.

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: (Laughter).

SAGAL: There are a lot of eager police ready to bust them.

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