Not My Job: Sportscaster Joe Buck Gets Quizzed On Kittens And Rainbows The beloved (and in some cases behated) sportscaster plays a quiz about kittens. Originally broadcast Nov. 12, 2016.
NPR logo

Not My Job: Sportscaster Joe Buck Gets Quizzed On Kittens And Rainbows

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/531284593/531368815" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Not My Job: Sportscaster Joe Buck Gets Quizzed On Kittens And Rainbows

Not My Job: Sportscaster Joe Buck Gets Quizzed On Kittens And Rainbows

Not My Job: Sportscaster Joe Buck Gets Quizzed On Kittens And Rainbows

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/531284593/531368815" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

The beloved (and in some cases behated) sportscaster plays a quiz about kittens. Originally broadcast Nov. 12, 2016.

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm the Bill people hope is waiting in the mailbox...

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: ...Bill Kurtis. And here's your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. It has only been six months of the Trump era and we are exhausted. It's like being at an all-you-can-eat buffet except you can never leave and there's nothing to eat but one enormous stale Cheeto.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is time for a break.

KURTIS: So while we fast and meditate, we're going to bring you some tasty morsels from recent shows, some of which have never been heard before.

SAGAL: We'll start with a man who knows that you hate him and just doesn't care. It's sportscaster Joe Buck. Now, he joined us last fall just a week after our local baseball operation known as the Cubs won the World Series.

(APPLAUSE, SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)

SAGAL: You call your book "Lucky Bastard," so you kind of lead with the knowledge that there - in the very opinionated sports fan community, there are pockets of people who are not fans of yours.

JOE BUCK: Yeah, but it's really, I think, born out of the fact that in baseball, all year long, Cub fans are listening to their announcers and when we show up, we're the national guys. And yeah, we get excited for Rizzo hitting a homerun or Bryant hitting a homerun or Hendricks pitching great. But we also have to get excited for the other side, and they're not used to hearing that. So it's OK. I've gone to a lot of therapy for this. I pay, like, $240, $250 an hour to get over it, knowing that people don't like me in certain parts of the world. And that's fine. All good.

SAGAL: Let me - one of the things I am amazed at is that you seem - and I actually - I think you do a great job because a lot of the time, unlike sort of the classic, reserved announcer, you seem very excited and caught up in the game. You seemed really excited when the Cubs finally won last week. So...

BUCK: Well, yeah. I mean, first of all, my name - the name of my book is "Lucky Bastard." I am the luckiest person to get to sit there and call that. And that was - of the 19 World Series - and I will tell you that that is as good as it will ever get for me, for an announcer of calling any sport. To declare the Cubs champions after 108 years was the highlight of my career.

SAGAL: Right.

AMY DICKINSON: Oh, yay.

BUCK: Might as well just walk away.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Had you, Joe - had you - I mean, 'cause we all knew if the Cubs won, it was going to make history. Had you prepared something 'cause you - we all remember Al Michaels' can you believe in miracles and all the other famous calls. Did you have one ready?

BUCK: It was 10th inning of game seven, which is insane in and of itself.

SAGAL: Yeah, I remember.

BUCK: And then a guy hit the chopper to the third baseman, Bryant. And you got to kind of call the play first, and then whatever comes out of your mouth after that comes out. So I have to live with whatever happens like you guys have to live with whatever you say spur of the moment. And you have to trust yourself.

MAZ JOBRANI: So what did you say when it was done?

BUCK: I don't remember.

SAGAL: I believe you said, if I'm not mistaken, the Cubs win the World Series, which had the benefit of being true.

BUCK: Yeah, it was something really deep like that.

JOBRANI: And then did you trademark that right after?

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. And other question - the opposite question. Baseball can be pretty dull.

BUCK: Yes.

SAGAL: One of those endless at-bats where the pitcher keeps throwing over to first base and the batter keeps filing it off. Do you ever just - you have nothing to say and you just...

BUCK: Yeah, and that's the beauty of TV as opposed to radio. I can just sit there and be like, yeah, listen to the sounds of the ballpark.

SAGAL: And that's when you...

BUCK: Yeah, you don't have to say much.

SAGAL: And that's when you quietly slip off to the bathroom, right?

BUCK: Yeah, I've done that. I've...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, so tell me about that. What do you do when you need to go to the bathroom?

BUCK: You need to have a great, strong bladder to call professional sports because especially in football where, you know, you don't know how long a half's going to last and then the timeouts happen and a incomplete pass. If you have to go to the bathroom - I actually called a touchdown on national TV in the NFL while going to the bathroom.

DICKINSON: No, no, no.

SAGAL: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Who scored the touchdown?

BUCK: Sterling Sharpe of the Green Bay Packers. And it was Green Bay and Atlanta, and he called a touchdown. And let's just say that we came back from commercial earlier than I thought we were going to.

SAGAL: Wow.

DICKINSON: Wow.

BURBANK: This was at Lambeau?

BUCK: This was - no. Believe it or not, they would give up home games at Lambeau to play some games in Milwaukee. So this was a game in Milwaukee County Stadium, the last game the Packers ever played there as the home team.

BURBANK: Well, for obvious reasons.

BUCK: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, they couldn't use the stadium anymore. It smelled funny. Nobody knew why.

BUCK: Yeah, it did. It did. I - look, I'm not proud of admitting anything.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Joe Buck, we have asked you here today to play a game that we are calling...

KURTIS: It's all just kittens and rainbows.

SAGAL: This week, we thought everybody could use a little adorable distraction. So we are going to ask you three questions about kittens and rainbows. Get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, Carl Kasell's voice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Joe Buck playing for?

KURTIS: Leslie Bayer of Kansas City, Mo.

SAGAL: So you ready to play?

BUCK: I am. Leslie, I'm sorry, before we start.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your first question. In 2007, a kitten in London named Otto made news for doing what? A, its unique mix of short and long fur earned it a TV show called "Mullet Cat"?

DICKINSON: Oh, God.

SAGAL: B, Otto the kitten climbed on the composer of "Cats," Andrew Lloyd Webber's keyboard, deleting the entire score for his new musical; or C the queen's footman lost one of her corgis and attempted to secretly replace it with Otto the cat?

BUCK: I'm going to go with Andrew Lloyd Webber, B.

SAGAL: You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: That's right.

DICKINSON: No kidding.

SAGAL: That's what happened.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Lord Webber, as he is actually known, was writing a sequel to "Phantom Of The Opera," which Otto the kitten saved the world from.

DICKINSON: But how do we know that really happened?

SAGAL: Well, he said it happened.

DICKINSON: Well.

SAGAL: He said, I wrote this musical and my cat...

DICKINSON: I mean...

SAGAL: ...Climbed on my computer keyboard and erased it.

DICKINSON: Who among us hasn't told a story like that?

SAGAL: That's true.

DICKINSON: Like, the dog ate my homework, the cat...

SAGAL: Lord Webber, where's the score we've been waiting for? Funny thing, he says.

BUCK: (Laughter) Right.

SAGAL: Two more questions, Joe. Here we go. Here's a rainbow. The Rainbow Sheikh of Dubai - a real person - he's known for his vast wealth. But how did he get that nickname, the Rainbow Sheik? Was it A, for a wedding present he gave his wife, a new Mercedes for each color of the rainbow; B, he picked the name Rainbow Sheikh because the name Iron Sheikh was already taken?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or C, it is said that the cuisine he eats in his palace is so fine he literally farts rainbows.

DICKINSON: Oh, God.

BUCK: I'm going to go with A...

SAGAL: You're going to go with A, for the wedding present?

BUCK: ...The Mercedes.

SAGAL: Yes, you're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: He gave his wife...

JOBRANI: Wow.

SAGAL: ...Seven Mercedes in the colors of the rainbow, earning the nickname the Rainbow Sheikh.

DICKINSON: You know, we'd better get used to that kind of nonsense.

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Back to kittens. In 2011, an adoption shelter in England took weeks to find a home for one of its kittens. Why? Was it A, thanks to a typographical error, it was advertised not as the perfect pet but as a perfect pest; B, the kitten insisted on only eating gluten-free cat food; or C the kitten looked just like Adolf Hitler?

BUCK: I'm going to say C, Adolf Hitler.

SAGAL: You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: Whoa.

JOBRANI: Wow.

SAGAL: It was, in fact, Adolf...

(APPLAUSE)

JOBRANI: Way to go, Joe Buck.

KURTIS: Joe.

DICKINSON: Whoa.

JOBRANI: That's a perfect game.

SAGAL: That's a perfect game.

KURTIS: It is.

SAGAL: Picture-perfect game.

KURTIS: No-hitter here.

DICKINSON: Somebody's going to have to call that.

SAGAL: It really does. And it was called - Kitler is the name.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm going to ask you something, Joe. You took a second before answering each of those questions. So if you were to do a play-by-play for your own thought process, what would it have been like?

BUCK: Well, here's a guy who's standing on a street in Manhattan right now listening to a roaring crowd behind three people who he's never met who are asking him questions about topics he doesn't care about.

(LAUGHTER)

BUCK: And after examining his career and what could happen if he answered incorrectly, he came up, oddly enough, with the right answer every time.

SAGAL: There you go, Joe Buck at his finest.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Joe Buck, as you probably know if you've watched any sports at all, is an announcer for Fox Sports, and you heard his voice during the World Series. And on Sundays, you'll hear it during football season. His new memoir, a very fun and revealing read, is called "Lucky Bastard." Joe Buck, thank you so much for joining us.

BUCK: Hey, top of the resume - three for three.

SAGAL: You bet, man.

BUCK: Three for three, baby.

(SOUNDBITE OF GLENN RUEGER'S "THE GRAND OLD GAME")

Copyright © 2017 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.