Bluff The Listener
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Tom Bodett and P.J. O'Rourke. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
MARTHA WALLER: Hi, this is Martha from Pensacola.
P J O'ROURKE: Oh, Martha. Get out.
TOM BODETT: Run, Martha. Run.
SAGAL: Yeah, so how are you dealing? You're in Pensacola, which at least is northerly. But how are you dealing with the hurricane coming?
WALLER: In theory, it won't hit my side. So that's what I'm hoping for.
SAGAL: What do you do there in Pensacola when you're not waiting for the hurricane?
WALLER: I work at a theatrical supply company.
SAGAL: Oh, really?
SAGAL: So what sort of things do you supply theaters with?
WALLER: We do, like, consumable - so like gel and gobos. But we also do - like, when people build new theaters, you call us, and we'll give you a quote for, like, all of the curtains and all the lighting and all the, like, fun stuff.
SAGAL: Oh, that is fun.
O'ROURKE: Do you do fake blood for swordfights?
WALLER: We sell it. I personally don't, but...
O'ROURKE: Oh, OK. Yeah.
WALLER: I'm not with makeup.
O'ROURKE: Because I just - it's just not a play without a swordfight. It's not a movie without a car chase. It's not a play without a sword fight.
SAGAL: So if you don't have one, P.J. will jump up...
SAGAL: ...And provide it. Martha, it's good to have you with us you're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Martha's topic?
KURTIS: Let's put the fun in fundraising. Wait a minute. That's impossible.
SAGAL: Sure, that very word probably made 80 percent of you run and turn off the radio just now. But...
SAGAL: Come back.
O'ROURKE: It's not NPR fundraising (laughter).
SAGAL: It's a necessary part of getting things done. This week...
O'ROURKE: Your donations are so important because we...
SAGAL: Back to Martha...
O'ROURKE: Yes. Hi, Martha.
SAGAL: If she's still there. Anyway, Martha, this week, we read about someone who had to raise money for a rather unusual reason. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize, Carl Kasell voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
WALLER: Yes, I am.
SAGAL: Your first fundraising scheme comes from Tom Bodett.
BODETT: During flooding events like Hurricane Harvey in Texas, a lot of people never think about what happens to all the gophers.
BODETT: Big Jim Harvey, no relation to the storm, is not one of those. Gophers are literally at ground minus zero in a flooding disaster...
BODETT: ...Says Harvey, who is a conservationist and Texas pocket gopher advocate. Big Jim estimates 500,000 gophers were made homeless in the Houston area, inspiring him to host a barbecue to raise money on their behalf - for resettlement, he adds. Now, I know a lot of people would kill these things with their bare hands because of what they do to their lawns. But what folks don't realize is gophers are the tip of the suburban biosphere. They do a lot of good, eat a lot of things that are worse than they are. And we don't always appreciate that. And if you all come by my BBQ on Sunday, I'll be happy to enlighten you, share some of that crate of frozen chicken that washed up on my lawn - it still smells fresh - and hopefully earn your support.
SAGAL: Raising money to rehome the gophers of Dallas. Your next story of someone passing around the hat comes from Helen Hong.
HELEN HONG: Liam Smith of Bristol, England, has launched a GoFundMe campaign to pay for a new window in his flat. And since he's asking for your money, he felt honor bound to explain what happened. You see, Mr. Smith had invited a Tinder date for a nightcap at his place. All was well until his date emerged from his bathroom in a panic. The poor woman had had to go to number two, which is bad enough when you're on a first date. But worse, the numero dos in question simply would not flush. So the panicked woman chose the only other logical option. She tossed her poo out the window.
HONG: A window that didn't actually open to the outside.
HONG: It was a double glass situation with a foot wide gap in between, which was now serving as a de facto doody display case.
HONG: Mortified, she asked Liam for a plastic baggie and climbed in headfirst after the offending item and promptly got stuck. The fire department had to be called and the window smashed to free the unlucky lady. Facing a 300-pound bill for a new window, Mr. Smith shared the story on his GoFundMe page. Any additional proceeds from the campaign will go to two charities, one to support firefighters and the other to build flushable toilets in the developing world.
SAGAL: A GoFundMe campaign to pay for a window broken in either the best or worst date ever had. Your last story of a need for money comes from PJ O'Rourke.
O'ROURKE: Well, Peter, I think the best way for me to explain this is to read from the website itself. It's called Go Fund Yourself.
O'ROURKE: Other internet funding platforms raise money for other people. Why donate your money to them? Why not donate your money to you?
O'ROURKE: Go Fund Yourself is a new internet funding platform that allows you to give you your money.
O'ROURKE: I mean, why should somebody else get your hard-earned donation?
O'ROURKE: Raise money for your artistic project, your business startup, your dreams, your medical bills. Send your money to your own Go Fund Yourself account. It's easy. It's simple. No checks, no credit cards, no cash, no visits to the ATM. Just click the app on your personal communication device and instantly deposit whatever you want to give to yourself to fund whatever your imagination can conceive. Your money will be available to you for your project as soon as you reach your stated Go Fund Yourself goal. And all this for a mere 5 percent commission.
SAGAL: All right. So here are the fundraising projects, which, by the way, you can contribute to if they're real. Is it from Tom Bodett, a Texan raising money to take care of the homeless gophers in the wake of the storm, from Helen, one of the worst dates ever that resulted in a broken window for one of the best reasons ever or from P.J. O'Rourke, Go Fund Yourself, gofyou.com...
SAGAL: ...Where you raise money for the most important cause of all, you. Which of these is the real story that we found in the week's news?
WALLER: I think it's the broken window.
SAGAL: You think it's the broken window of the Tinder date gone, shall we say, in an unexpected direction.
SAGAL: I will say that it would be hard to make that up. So we'll check. Now, to bring you the correct answer we spoke to someone familiar with this real fundraising campaign.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
JON KAY: I tracked down a student in the U.K. whose first Tinder date had gone horribly wrong. And it was all about retrieving a bag of poop.
SAGAL: That was Jon Kay. He was a BBC reporter talking about Liam, the British man who needs a new window in his bathroom.
SAGAL: And, actually, I just want to point out that just now I learned something I didn't know, which was not only was that a Tinder date. It was his first Tinder date.
HONG: You know, I've been in a lot of crappy dates. But...
BODETT: I see what you did.
SAGAL: So you got it right, Martha. You not only earned a point for Helen for telling an interesting story well but you won our prize, the voice of Carl Kasell on your voicemail. Congratulations.
WALLER: Thank you.
BODETT: Take care down there, Martha.
WALLER: All right. Bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LITTLE DARLING")
WOODY GUTHRIE: (Singing) At my window sad and lonely, often do I think of thee. And I wonder, little darling, if you ever think of me.
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