Panel Questions
Sensible Emoji; Kramer vs Hal.
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, The NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Adam Burke, Paula Poundstone and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill will perform songs from his new hip-hop musical Rhyme-ilton (ph). It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam, emoji can be pretty limited. We can express about three emotions. We use a peach when we mean butt. And as one expert is trying to change, women have only one choice of what?
ADAM BURKE: I am at a loss here.
SAGAL: Apparently, in your standard emoji set, you either get a stiletto, or you have to go barefoot.
BURKE: Oh, so it's shoes, footwear.
SAGAL: Yes, women's shoes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: She wants practical women's shoes in emoji.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So women - some women here who care about such things are excited.
(CHEERING)
SAGAL: So we all know that emojis over the last few years - as they're being used more and more, they've gotten more diverse, more realistic. We've gotten different skin tones, nontraditional families.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: You just said that emojis got more realistic. You didn't say that, did you?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I did say that.
POUNDSTONE: They're not realistic. They're stupid.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: They're just stupid.
BURKE: For some reason, I thought you were going to be really on board with emojis.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah, I guess so. What a surprise.
POUNDSTONE: Oh, my God.
SAGAL: Well, you need some way to...
POUNDSTONE: They're stupid, Peter. Use your words, for God's sake.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Use your words. But the point is this woman - I don't even know why I'm even arguing at this point. But the woman...
POUNDSTONE: OK. All right. So this woman...
SAGAL: The woman was frustrated because she was like, well, you know, if you want to, like, send a picture of a shoe to indicate...
POUNDSTONE: Why would you send a picture of a shoe?
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Why? What possible purpose could you have for sending a picture of a shoe?
SAGAL: How about if it's, like, emoji old woman, emoji house, emoji question mark?
BURKE: (Laughter).
POUNDSTONE: What does that mean?
SAGAL: Well, where does the old woman live?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: By the way...
POUNDSTONE: I'm going to cry. I really am going to cry. This is a very emotional edition of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
SAGAL: Also...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Why would someone write, where does the old woman live? What is...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: I don't understand. I don't understand needing emojis. And everyone says they feel lonely. And everyone says that they feel disconnected. And everyone worries the government doesn't care about them. And yet we're talking - some woman - an activist, presumably....
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...Decided to take a courageous stand and insist that there be another shoe...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...On emojis. Can you see...
BURKE: I'm sorry...
POUNDSTONE: ...That we're not moving forward?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
BURKE: If I may...
POUNDSTONE: Sorry.
BURKE: ...Just for the millennials who didn't understand any of that, frowny face, poop emoji.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
LUKE BURBANK: Yeah, pretty much.
SAGAL: Luke, a Stanford University computer science major has created a new bot which will take care of what for you totally free of charge?
BURBANK: It'll tell the Amazon delivery employee to stop stealing your stuff.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint. It'll be like, calculating, calculating - she gets the house.
BURBANK: Oof (ph). It will basically work your divorce out for you?
SAGAL: Yes, it will do your divorce...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Totally free. DoNotPay generates all the forms you need without a lawyer. It saves people thousands of thousands of dollars. It's this easy. Download DoNotPay. Sign the forms it gives you. Download Tinder.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It's great to have a robot do this. It's so much simpler. You enter in your financial data. It thinks. And then it just slices your house in half with a laser.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: Imagine, like, after your divorce bot doesn't get you the outcome that you were hoping for, you just go out and sit in your self-driving car...
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: ...And tell it how bad your day was.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: It's basically Paula's perfect Sunday.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: Oh, yeah.
SAGAL: Oh, yeah.
POUNDSTONE: No. You know, one time years ago, my kids and I were going someplace. And we were talking about some friends - family that were getting divorced. And my children had not - they certainly knew kids from divorced families. But they'd never, you know, seen the process. And they asked me some questions about it. And they were pretty little at the time. Then my daughter Toshia said, I hope that never happens to us. And I said, gee, Toshia, one of the joys of having a single mom...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...Maybe the only one, honey, is that the odds of me splitting up with me...
(LAUGHTER)
POUNDSTONE: ...Are so, so slim. And I can tell you right now I'm very much in love.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Have you ever tried a trial separation from yourself?
POUNDSTONE: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
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