Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Badder Batter, Stoop To Fitness and Sea Sparkle.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Badder Batter, Stoop To Fitness and Sea Sparkle.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Or you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back home at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ELLEN SHERRILL: Hi, Peter. This is Ellen Sherrill calling from Sacramento, Calif.

SAGAL: Sacramento, Calif.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, what do you do there in Sacramento?

SHERRILL: I am a beer brewer.

SAGAL: No. Are you?

(APPLAUSE)

SHERRILL: Yes.

SAGAL: So how long have you been brewing beer?

SHERRILL: I started as a homebrewer maybe six or so years ago, and I've been working as a commercial brewer for about two and a half years.

SAGAL: Well, that's like the dream of every home brewer. Right?

SHERRILL: Pretty much.

SAGAL: Other than getting drunk without having to leave the house ever.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Ellen. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

SHERRILL: Ready as I'll ever be.

SAGAL: I guess so. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: It's old information that rookies know. It makes my intestines play hooky, yo. The eggs and the flour give E. coli power. I shouldn't be eating raw...

SHERRILL: Cookie dough?

SAGAL: Yes...

KURTIS: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Cookie dough. This week, The New York Times reported that cookie dough is bad. But on the other hand, according to the Times, Nazis can often be charming.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it's a wash.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: New research shows that it's not just the raw eggs in cookie dough that we need to worry about. Raw flour is dangerous, too - so no more licking those spoons. The CDC epidemiologist Samuel Crowe says that even a small amount of infected raw flour could get you very sick. He added, quote, "I've had E. coli and salmonella, and it's pretty darn unpleasant," unquote.

(LAUGHTER)

HARI KONDABOLU: That study was funded by oven manufacturers.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: And...

SAGAL: Big oven.

KONDABOLU: Big oven is destroying the cookie dough industry...

SAGAL: Exactly.

KONDABOLU: ...And I won't stand for it. I will not stand for it.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: My glutes and my quads are both rotting. So more time near the ground I'm allotting. My doctor's demanding less sitting and standing. So like toddlers, I'll spend my day...

SHERRILL: Squatting?

SAGAL: Squatting, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: We knew sitting all day was bad for us, so we got standing desks. Then we learned standing was bad for us, so we sat down again. And then they came for the Jews, and I did nothing 'cause I was dizzy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, I'm sorry. The point is...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because sitting is bad for you and standing is bad for you, at least one health expert is now recommending that the healthiest posture we can assume is the squat. So we need to have squatting desks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That just means sawing six inches off the legs of your standing desks.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: How do you read a newspaper squatting?

(LAUGHTER)

NEGIN FARSAD: Well, see, that's the thing. Like, if you're squatting, you don't need to be in there for that long.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: Things are just working a lot faster.

SAGAL: All right. Here, Ellen, is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Bedazzling makes scientists bitter because sparkles end up in the litter. Small kids' arts and crafts should be given the shaft. We call for a ban on all...

SHERRILL: Glitter?

SAGAL: Glitter. Yes, Ellen.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Environmental scientists are calling for a ban on craft glitter - the stuff you use to bedazzle things, you know - saying not only is it impossible to remove from your face and clothes, it's also impossible to remove from the ocean. Glitter pollution has gotten so bad, some researchers say that by 2025, a full two thirds of ocean life will look fabulous.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: That study was done by the googly-eye industry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ellen do?

KURTIS: Well, she did good - 3-0, and that wins in our book. Thanks, Ellen.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Ellen.

(APPLAUSE)

SHERRILL: All right, thank you very much.

SAGAL: Thank you.

SHERRILL: Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF GARY GLITTER SONG, "ROCK AND ROLL, PART 2")

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