Bluff The Listener
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Adam Felber and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host at the Morris Performing Arts Center in South Bend, Ind., Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.
SAGAL: Thank you so much. Right now it is once again time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. If you want to play, call 1-888-WAITWAIT.
Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
DUSTIN FONTAINE: Hi, Peter. How's it going?
SAGAL: Hey, it's going well. Who's this?
FONTAINE: This is Dustin Fontaine (ph) from Boston by way of Jersey.
SAGAL: Boston by way of Jersey?
SAGAL: I grew up in Jersey, and I ended up spending a lot of time in Boston. So you and I are sort of alike in that way.
FONTAINE: We're kin.
SAGAL: What do you do in Boston?
SAGAL: I'm a performer. I'm a Blue Man in the Blue Man Group.
SAGAL: You are a Blue Man?
SAGAL: Say what kind of background do you need to be a successful Blue Man?
FONTAINE: Well, we come from all different kinds of backgrounds. One of my favorite Blue Men that I've worked with was working in a lab dissecting zebrafish before he auditioned for Blue Man, you know. So we come from...
FONTAINE: ...All different kinds of backgrounds.
SAGAL: Is that a useful skill to being a Blue Man? Is there, like, a dissection part of the show?
FONTAINE: We're working on it.
SAGAL: All right.
SAGAL: That's why you do ask those people in the front to wear raincoats.
SAGAL: Dustin, it's nice to have you with us. Your job, of course, is to play our game in which you have to tell truth from lies. Bill, what is Dustin's topic?
KURTIS: Thank God for Mickey D's.
SAGAL: All right, now McDonald's, we know, gets a bad rap. The food's fattening, you know. It's not good for you and not to mention the multiple harassment allegations against Mayor McCheese. But...
SAGAL: ...This week, we read something positive coming from the golden arches. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one; you'll win our prize, the voice of your favorite WAIT WAIT personality on your voicemail. Ready to play?
SAGAL: All right, first up, let's hear from Amy Dickinson.
AMY DICKINSON: Marcus Rosario is a fry cook for a busy McDonald's off Interstate 90 in Elkhart, Ind. During his morning shift last week, he noticed something about one of the Chicken McNuggets he was pulling out of the fryolator. Rosario described it to the Catholic Register. There was the outline of a face on the nugget. I thought it looked like madonna - not the "Like A Virgin" Madonna but the actual virgin madonna.
DICKINSON: Rosario says at first he dismissed it as a coincidence, and he put the nugget in a bag along with some other nuggets and fries and forgot about it. That night after work, he was a victim of an attempted robbery. But when the mugger fought with him over the nugget bag, the mugger slipped on the ice and broke his ankle. Later, when he got home, Rosario's wife told him that she was pregnant, a McMiracle (ph).
DICKINSON: And lo, the madonna McNugget, nicknamed the McMary (ph), was born.
DICKINSON: And now a priest from St. Thomas the Apostle Church in Elkhart has received special permission from Rome to serve McNuggets as McCommunion (ph) nugget wafers...
DICKINSON: ...During a special McMass (ph)...
DICKINSON: ...On St. Patrick's Day.
DICKINSON: No word yet on serving Shamrock Shakes in communion cups or whether fries will come with that.
SAGAL: In Elkhart, Ind., a chicken McMary being credited with miracles. Your next story of a McDonald's mitzvah comes from Adam Felber.
ADAM FELBER: If you order a Big Mac in Culver, Idaho, this spring, you might just find yourself with two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions and the key to the city.
That's right. One lucky patron will find a golden ticket designating him or her as the next mayor of Culver, Idaho, thanks to a plan hatched by the golden arches as part of their annual Monopoly cross-promotion. The idea was agreed to by current Mayor Jackson Bernard. Quote, "we've only got 850 people here, and I spent most of my term doing, well, diddly. So when Mickey D's offered us enough money to fix every road in town, I figured, how can I say no?"
Bernard says he isn't too worried about the idea of having his successor chosen by random certificates found in random burgers. He says the downside is that we may end up with an 11-year-old mayor for a while. But the upside is there's no chance of Russian meddling.
FELBER: Nobody really knows who will win, but most residents are really hoping for the town's mechanic, Norman McCheese.
SAGAL: A golden ticket in a McDonald's hamburger could make the mayor of Culver, Idaho. The last story of something great to come out of McDonald's is from Hari Kondabolu.
HARI KONDABOLU: Scientists at Yokohama National University in Japan claim that a chemical in McDonald's french fry oil could cure baldness.
KONDABOLU: This news could prove huge for Ronald McDonald himself, who in the past has hinted that he wears a red wig to cover his hair loss.
KONDABOLU: Dimethylpolysiloxane, an anti-foaming agent in the frying oil was used in an oxygen-permeable solution to grow hair on mice.
KONDABOLU: An excerpt from the study says that there was, quote, "efficient hair follicle transplantation into the backs of nude mice."
KONDABOLU: Clothed mice, on the other hand, mostly rolled around in discomfort while attempting to remove the clothes they were forced to wear by a bored scientist.
KONDABOLU: Despite the positive results, there is still some cynicism among the fast food science community. Previous studies of McDonald's food products include a debunked study regarding McNuggets curing heart disease and the McRib curing atheism.
SAGAL: All righty then, McDonald's is doing some good. Is it, from Amy Dickinson, how a Chicken McNugget shaped like the Virgin Mary has been doing real miracles in Elkhart, Ind.; from Adam Felber, how a Big Mac might make you mayor of the town of Culver, Idaho; or, from Hari, how McDonald's french fry oil might be the long sought cure for baldness? Which of these is the real story from the week's news?
FONTAINE: I'm going to have to go with number three.
SAGAL: You're going to have to go with Hari's story?
SAGAL: All right, so your choice is Hari's story. Now to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the true story.
BRETT MOLINA: Scientists discovered a chemical in McDonald's french fries and say it could potentially cure baldness.
SAGAL: That was Brett Molina. He is a technology reporter with USA Today. He was talking with us about fries can cure baldness - please, God.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Dustin. You got it right. You earned a point for Hari, and you've won our prize, the voice of anyone from your show you like on your voicemail.
DICKINSON: Yay. Go, Dustin.
FONTAINE: Right on. Thank you so much.
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BALD HEADED MEN")
SIX B*TCHIN' BABES: (Singing) Bald-headed man. And she said it before. She'll say it again. I like bald-headed men.
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