BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Maz Jobrani, Faith Salie and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at Bass Concert Hall in Austin, Texas...
KURTIS: ...Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill launches Lymft (ph), his rhyme-sharing service.
SAGAL: It's our Listener Limerick Challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, time for some more questions for you from the week's news. Luke, this week, a library employee in Washington state asked patrons sincerely to please stop using what for bookmarks?
LUKE BURBANK: How did this story escape my radar?
SAGAL: I don't know.
BURBANK: Stop using - don't - can I get a hint, please?
SAGAL: Yeah. Well, Swiss is good because you can still see some of the page through it.
MAZ JOBRANI: Oh, god.
SAGAL: Yes, slices of cheese.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, Anna Holmes sent out a tweet reading, dear library patrons, please stop using cheese as a bookmark.
SAGAL: Please. This tweet drew a lot of responses from fellow librarians around the country detailing other things they have found as bookmarks in their library books - a strip of cooked bacon...
SAGAL: ...A complete and whole banana peel...
SAGAL: ...And, on one bizarre occasion, a yarmulke.
SAGAL: The yarmulke, though, could have just been someone expressing their bitterness about not being able to use bacon.
BURBANK: Wow. So the books were coming back - they were being returned, and they were finding...
SAGAL: Things inside the...
SAGAL: ...Books - cheese, bacon - those things.
BURBANK: Do we know what the book was?
SAGAL: That's a good question.
FAITH SALIE: Yeah.
SAGAL: You know, maybe - the book may have been about ham, in which case.
BURBANK: Right. I mean, that just makes sense.
SAGAL: Yeah, it does.
SALIE: If it were a sad book, it could be blue cheese.
SAGAL: That's true.
BURBANK: It could be...
SAGAL: "Frankenstein" came back with a slice of muenster.
BURBANK: Actually, sorry.
JOBRANI: What did I say about...
BURBANK: It's Frankenstein's muenster.
SAGAL: Ah, thank you.
BURBANK: People always mess that up.
SAGAL: Maz, we all love Trader Joe's stuff - chocolate Joe-Joe's, Two-Buck Chuck, you name it. This week, though, they unveiled a new offering. The jury's still out on it. What is it?
JOBRANI: Can I get a hint?
SAGAL: Yeah. The final 10 minutes of each episode is just audio of people drinking really cheap wine.
JOBRANI: The final 10 minutes of - oh, they got a podcast?
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Trader Joe's has a podcast. Well, everybody...
SAGAL: ...The podcast craze was fun while it lasted, but it's officially murdered. Trader Joe's...
SAGAL: ...Has killed it by launching their new corporate podcast, "Inside Trader Joe's." Like most successful podcasts, it explores mysteries like why peanut butter-filled pretzels are so murderously delicious.
SAGAL: It's everything you were desperately afraid someone might insist on telling you about Trader Joe's - how they develop their products, what the hell a plumcot is and how many gunfights break out each day in their parking lots.
SALIE: Do you know who the voices are?
SAGAL: I don't know.
BURBANK: It's Ira Glass.
BURBANK: Previously, on Trader Joe's...
SAGAL: A high school superintendent in New Jersey apparently had a beef with a rival school, so he decided to express his disdain for that school by doing what on a daily basis?
JOBRANI: I'm going to take a guess, but then maybe you should give me a hint. Does it have anything to do with urination?
SAGAL: You're awfully close.
SALIE: So close. Just take that one guess and make it two.
JOBRANI: Oh, so...
JOBRANI: He was pooping - pooping on - at the - on the other school.
SAGAL: He pooped on their football field, apparently.
SAGAL: Officials at Holmdel High School were perplexed by all the poop they found in their field. Either a very large animal was lurking there, or maybe their kickoff return guy had a bad case of nerves. They didn't know.
SAGAL: To solve the mystery, they actually had to hire a, quote, "surveillance team," resulting in the most disappointing espionage assignment ever.
SAGAL: I think of it - that guy is, like, a private detective. We're going to do surveillance. What's the job? What do we have to find out? Oh.
SAGAL: But they did it. They found it out. On Monday at 5:50 p.m., they caught rival District Superintendent Thomas Tramaglini in the act. He was charged with lewdness and littering.
SAGAL: It seems weird. I guess they mean it more in the sort of cat litter sense? I don't know.
SALIE: I believe it was 5:50 a.m. He...
SAGAL: Oh, didn't I say that? I'm sorry. I meant to say that.
JOBRANI: Well, I go in the morning.
SALIE: This man - that's what I was going to say.
SALIE: This happened daily. This man at least deserves some approbation for his regularity.
SALIE: And commitment - because you know he had to set a clock for, like, for 4:45, eat the all-bran, get in the car...
JOBRANI: Get his coffee...
JOBRANI: ...Have a cigarette...
JOBRANI: ...As he's sitting there.
BURBANK: And then still, by the way...
SALIE: That's discipline.
BURBANK: ...And pull that off, like, outside. Like, I can't go to the bathroom at a Barnes & Noble.
BURBANK: Like, I get inside my head about it. Like, on the field? Outdoors?
JOBRANI: It's funny that they needed a surveillance team. How about just a camera?
(LAUGHTER, SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
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