Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Orange Beauties, It's In Your Jeans! and Everybody Must Get Drunk.
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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Orange Beauties, It's In Your Jeans! and Everybody Must Get Drunk.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Ma., June 21. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

OLIVIA VALE: Hi. How are you guys?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Who's this?

VALE: My name is Olivia Vale, and I'm calling from Austin, Texas.

SAGAL: Austin, Texas?

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: We're all down here at the Bass Concert Hall on the UT campus. Where are you?

VALE: I am sitting outside the Sahara Lounge, which my friend Topaz and his mom own it. So I found a great landline. He brought me a pint.

SAGAL: And now everybody in this room feels a little bad because we're, like...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're having - what are we doing in here? Let's - all right, everybody. Let's go. Well, welcome to the show, Olivia. You're going to play, of course, our Listener Limerick Challenge. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

VALE: OK.

BILL KURTIS: Though this veggie may have lots of merit, it's marsupial junk food - I swear it. To the kangaroo brain, it's a snort of cocaine. They are driven insane by a...

VALE: Carrot?

SAGAL: Yes, a carrot.

KURTIS: Carrot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, it's true.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Kangaroos are getting high on carrots and attacking tourists...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...In Australia's Lake Macquarie district. Apparently, people were, like, using the carrots to lure the kangaroos over to take selfies. The Kangaroos developed a taste for the carrots. They got very aggressive when they weren't given the carrots. They're now attacking the tourists who are holding them to get the carrots. Some tourist tried to placate them with celery, but that made them even madder...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Because even kangaroos do not understand the point of celery.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick, Olivia.

KURTIS: Like that fairy tale king, today's teens wear new clothes that are barely smokescreens. The pants of their dreams are just pockets and seams. They are wearing extremely cut...

VALE: Jeans.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Jeans. This week...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...An LA-based denim company introduced extreme cut-out jeans. That's what they're called. They can only really be described as pants without pants.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's the deal. So they look like a pair of jeans, but then the - everything is cut away - everything, all the fabric except for a waistband and a couple little strings of denim going down the sides and the cuffs at the bottom. Basically, what's left is a kind of fabric belt and two really long garter belts that go down to your ankles.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're basically for people who want to wear jeans but at the same time really hate to wear jeans.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or maybe it's because people want to be naked but still have pockets.

MAZ JOBRANI: So your legs are exposed?

SAGAL: The legs are totally exposed.

FAITH SALIE: Is your tushie (ph) exposed?

SAGAL: I've - have not seen a photograph from the back, but it will be very...

SALIE: Well, that's the whole point.

SAGAL: ...Barely covered up.

SALIE: You can't tell us this story without giving us that very important detail.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm guessing that the butt is just covered up.

SALIE: And this is this for both men and women?

SAGAL: Wait a minute. This just in.

SALIE: Just - OK.

SAGAL: This just in.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The butt is, in fact, exposed.

SALIE: Wow.

SAGAL: Yes.

JOBRANI: Sounds like a fanny - a naked person with a fanny pack. That gets - that's the same thing.

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: Probably cheaper.

JOBRANI: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Making drinks with Bob Dylan is risky. His whims tend to shift rather briskly. That's why we won't try more than bourbon and rye for Heaven's Door, Bob's brand of...

VALE: Whiskey.

SAGAL: Yes, whiskey.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Free spirit folk hero of the counterculture Bob Dylan is now releasing three different craft liquors in 2018 - a rye, a bourbon and another one whose name no one could quite understand.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We think it's a bottle of custom-crafted (mumbling).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The brand is called Heaven's Door. It's already raised millions of dollars in capital because while back in the day, Dylan's voice made you want to change the world, these days, his voice just makes you want a stiff drink.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Olivia do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she did great for having a pint in her.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: All three right - thank you, Olivia.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

VALE: You're so welcome. Good night.

SAGAL: Thanks, Olivia. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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