Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "Tears For Beers," "Universal Laughter" and "The Letter Diet."
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "Tears For Beers," "Universal Laughter" and "The Letter Diet."

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Hey there, Angelinos, take a ride on Sunset Billevard (ph).

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here's your host at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles...

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: ...Peter Sagal.

(CHEERING)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, everybody.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: It is great to be here in LA in the open air at the Greek Theater. We are enjoying the beautiful weather in Los Angeles one last time, as the city gradually becomes the world's largest outdoor pizza oven.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've got a fine show for you today. Later on, we're going to be joined by an actor who's done some interesting work recently named Jon Hamm.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: The bad news for our radio audience is, of course, you cannot see him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The good news is his voice is even more beautiful than he is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We know you're also easy on the ear, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

COREY DICKINSON: This is Corey Dickinson in New York City.

SAGAL: New York City?

(CHEERING)

DICKINSON: Yeah.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: We've heard of that place.

DICKINSON: Oh, yeah. You're in LA. Of course you have.

SAGAL: Do you also have culture there?

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Well, I wouldn't know. I'm a park ranger.

SAGAL: You're a park ranger?

DICKINSON: That's right. We have parks here. Somebody's got to protect the rats (ph).

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)

SAGAL: So wait a minute. You are a park ranger in New York City?

DICKINSON: Yes. Actually, there's a lot of national parks here. I'm in the biggest one. It's down in Brooklyn, along the coast, called Gateway.

SAGAL: Gateway National...

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: ...Park, yeah.

DICKINSON: Not the recreation area. We're sensitive about that.

SAGAL: One usually doesn't - I mean, I'm just thinking, like, a national park in Brooklyn - like, there's Smokey with, like, a hipster beard and suspenders...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...With a vape pen. I guess...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: That's about right. That's about right.

SAGAL: Corey, well, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel. First, a comedian performing in Boston at the Wilbur Theater on October 13 and the Kennedy Center in D.C. on November 16. It's Mr. Maz Jobrani.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

MAZ JOBRANI: Hello, Mr. ranger.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: Hello.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, is the author of The New York Times best-seller "You'll Grow Out Of It" and the voice of Jessi on Netflix's hit animated series "Big Mouth." The second season debuts October 5. It's Jessi Klein.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

JESSI KLEIN: Hi.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And finally, a comedian performing at the Chicago Improv in Schaumburg October 12 to the 14. It's Alonzo Bodden.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: Hello.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Corey. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize - the voice from anyone on our show you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to play?

DICKINSON: Yeah, I am.

SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is from a man making his case that he should be a Supreme Court justice.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: "I like beer."

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: "I still like beer."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who likes beer?

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I'm going to go with Brett Kavanavanavanava (ph).

SAGAL: Close enough.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Brett Kavanaugh.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Judge Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testified before the Senate judiciary committee. And it was riveting. People across the country were glued to their televisions, so much so that for the first time in weeks, six hours passed without a single new person coming forward to accuse Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The...

KLEIN: I think my - I mean, I had - look. I had a lot of, obviously, favorite moments, as did we all. I liked when Kavanaugh was asked, have you ever passed out from drinking? And he was like no, no, no, no. Never. I mean, fallen asleep tons of times.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

KLEIN: But passed out? How dare you.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Yeah...

KLEIN: I was like, mmm, kind of the same, isn't it?

JOBRANI: He spun a lot. He spun. Because when they said what about, like, throwing up? He was like, well, I've got a weak stomach. So I throw up a lot.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: You know, when you eat, like, you know, like, breakfast, I just - I'm just throwing up all the time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: And then the beer thing was kind of a beer commercial for a minute, right?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: He was like, I like beer. Don't you like beer? America, yeah. You know.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Get it. Budweiser.

BODDEN: I can't speak for a Supreme Court justice, but if I would go into criminal court, I think I'd like to hear my judge say, I like beer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, it's true.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Be like, yeah, Your Honor, I like beer, too. Beer was at the start of this crime.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: He would have a very weird online dating profile. I feel like, just like, I love high-school girls, beer and calendars.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: And I wear...

KLEIN: And looking for same.

JOBRANI: And I like to wear robes.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Black robes. I thought - because if you look - because I have friends that when they drink, they get rosier, you know...

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: ...The rosy - he was getting rosier...

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOBRANI: ...Every break.

SAGAL: Well, that the crazy thing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So in the morning, you had Dr. Ford. And she was remarkably composed for someone who had to describe the worst day of her life in front of, like, the world. And then, in the afternoon, comes, you know, Judge Brett Kavanaugh, who's the guy who wants to be in the Supreme Court. And he was angry one minute. He was shouting, then he was crying. And then he was kind of petulant. I mean, seriously, looks like someone's on the rag. You know what I mean?

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: I honestly think if they would have kept going, I do think he was getting drunker every break. And I think pretty soon, he would have answered - like they would have asked him a question, and he would have burped like (imitating burp sound). Then...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is true. Like he asked for a break and nobody knew why. And he's like, it's 5 o'clock somewhere.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Corey. Your next quote is from the president of these United States.

KURTIS: "They weren't laughing at me."

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: "They were laughing with me."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So who was laughing with the president...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...This week, so he says, during a big speech?

DICKINSON: I'm pretty sure pretty much everyone in the world.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

SAGAL: That...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...That was...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...What's interesting...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Is usually when we say that the world is laughing at you, we mean it metaphorically.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In this case, it was literal. So I will give you - you got the right answer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It was at the U.N.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The president did his annual gig at the U.N. This year, he killed even more than last year's Little Rocket Man routine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This year, he opened the set with the claim that his administration had achieved more than any other in history. And, as you heard, the General Assembly laughed not at him but with him, out of joy.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: What was great was there was a delay because people were having it translated...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: ...In every language. Because he did it, and then it was like, oh, OK. He's funny.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: He's funny.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: I think that's the first question in the history of WAIT WAIT that any answer would have been right.

SAGAL: That's true.

KLEIN: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Right. (Unintelligible). Corey, here's your last quote.

KURTIS: "I'm not sure double you, double you is the right slimmed-down message."

SAGAL: That was somebody on Twitter commenting on what diet company's name change that was announced this week?

DICKINSON: Oh, I know this because I'm originally from Boston. That's Dunkin' Donuts. The most important cultural product of...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's interesting is - you know what's interesting is you're right. And I'm going to say yes, ring a bell for that man...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Because they also changed their name. But the answer we were looking for here was Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers...

DICKINSON: Weight Watchers.

SAGAL: ...Changed their name...

DICKINSON: OK.

SAGAL: ...Yeah, yeah. After 55 years of trying to help Americans lose weight, Weight Watchers is trying a new strategy. They are giving up.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Instead of watching our weight, they're just looking away.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The first W they say is now for wellness. The second is whatever.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We should merge with them. We'd be Wait Wait... Don't Watch Me.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Do they really think that, as obese as America has become, changing a name - like, do they really think someone really overweight is like, well, I wouldn't do Weight Watchers, but wellness? Yeah, I'll stop eating for that.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I understand the need for a little discretion. I'll out myself as a Weight Watchers user. I enjoy...

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

KLEIN: ...Them very much. But I do - I always keep, like, their little app on your phone.

SAGAL: Yeah.

KLEIN: I swear I'm not paid by them. But I would openly take them if they wanted to give me money after talking about them.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I do move the little app so it's not the first one on my phone. I don't want other people to know that I'm on it, which is why I'm telling so...

SAGAL: Yes.

KLEIN: ...Many people on the radio.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I realized as I'm talking, I have now told everyone.

SAGAL: Yes, well...

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: They do a great job - not with me. I'm struggling.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But you're right, Corey. In a completely unrelated but similar story, this week, Dunkin' Donuts announced they're dropping the word donuts from their name. Presumably because they want to dunk everything they have...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Into coffee. Lox. Here you go.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: From now on, they'll be just Dunkin'. This is not the first time Dunkin' Donuts has changed their name. They were originally Dunking Donuts, with the G. And before that, they were Dunking Donutstein, and it got changed at Ellis Island.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: OK.

KLEIN: Sounds good, Peter.

JOBRANI: Oh, that's funny.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I like that one.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Corey do our quiz?

KURTIS: Corey's got three right. He's a winner.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Corey. Take care.

DICKINSON: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF ERIC CARMEN SONG, "HUNGRY EYES")

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