Bluff The Listener Our panelists read three stories about a new job opportunity, only one of which is true.
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Bluff The Listener

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Bluff The Listener

Bluff The Listener

Bluff The Listener

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Our panelists read three stories about a new job opportunity, only one of which is true.

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Alonzo Bodden, Jessi Klein and Maz Jobrani. And here again is your host at The Greek Theatre in Los Angeles, Calif., Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.

Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KATIE WELLER: Hi. This is Katie Weller calling from Palo Alto, Calif.

SAGAL: Well, nice to see you, Katie.

(APPLAUSE)

WELLER: I am such a big fan of this show. I grew up listening to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME. And I'm just so excited (laughter).

SAGAL: Oh, this is very exciting. It's exciting for us. Did it warp you in any way?

(LAUGHTER)

WELLER: I mean, I hope it gave me a great sense of humor (laughter).

SAGAL: (Laughter) No, it didn't do that.

(LAUGHTER)

MAZ JOBRANI: Burn.

ALONZO BODDEN: Peter's on fire this week.

JOBRANI: Insult comic - Don Rickles lives.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Katie, it's great to talk to you. Welcome to our show after so many years. You, of course, are going to play our Bluff the Listener game. Your job, as I think you know, is to tell truth from fiction.

Bill, what is Katie's topic?

KURTIS: Now hiring.

SAGAL: Every American strives for the humble dignity of a day at work because that is where we can avoid our families.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, we heard about a new job opening out there somewhere in the world. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth; you'll win our prize, Wait Wait-er (ph) of your choice doing your voicemail.

Are you ready to play?

WELLER: I am ready.

SAGAL: All right. Your first job opening comes from Alonzo Bodden.

BODDEN: Are you a lousy driver? GM is looking for you. Lost your license? GM is looking for you. If you think stop signs and speed limits are only suggestions, GM is dreaming of you.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: How better to test their new fleet of autonomous cars than putting them head-to-head against truly terrible drivers?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Harold Rosen, GM engineer in charge of autonomous testing, says, quote, "we've programmed the cars to avoid all dangers we can think of, but bad drivers are incredibly creative."

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: "And if we want our cars to avoid trouble, they're going to need to practice." The plan is to bring them to GM test facilities where streets have been set up to duplicate neighborhoods, Harold says. They'll have these bad drivers drive around and the autonomous cars deal with them. We've seen left turns from the right lane, U-turns in the middle of a one-way street. We had one young lady who stopped in the middle of an intersection because her phone rang, and she said she's not supposed to talk and drive.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: GM supplies the cars along with hotel and expense money. They are bringing drivers in from all over the country and emphasize they will provide transportation from the hotel to the facility.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: GM hiring terrible drivers to test their autonomous cars.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Your next story of a job opportunity comes from Jessi Klein.

JESSI KLEIN: In response to recent customer demands, Whole Foods has announced a new position - avocado concierge.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: As their avocado concierge, you will be directly involved in ensuring avocados are ripe for our customers at all times. You will be responsible for round-the-clock monitoring of our avocado population, tracking developing information about softness, brown spots and overall acceptability. If an avocado becomes ripe during your shift, you will alert customers over the store's PA system...

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: ...And dispose of that avocado if it is not claimed within five minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: In addition, Whole Foods VP for produce technology has announced their plan to create a kind of avocado Amber Alert system...

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: ...Using statewide cellphone push technology.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: This initiative will be supported by a team of, quote, "avocado hens," employees who will actually sit on top of the avocados...

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: ...Keeping them warm with their human body heat.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Qualified candidates must have a background in horticulture and at least five years of experience dealing with insufferable people.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The avocado concierge...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Just one of a number of positions in avocado care and marketing at Whole Foods.

Your last story of an open position available to a job-seeker somewhere comes from Maz Jobrani.

JOBRANI: Some people complain that they have a crappy job - too much time standing on their feet, having to deal with a mean boss or just too little pay. But now there's a town in Idaho that gives the term crappy job a whole new meaning. The town of Nampa, Idaho, is looking for volunteers to help them stave off an influx of roughly 10,000 crows which have been flocking to the town the past three years, creating a public hazard with their droppings. That's right. They're looking for human scarecrows to stop the bird poop.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Nampa Chief of Staff Robert Sanchez is calling for volunteers for different mobile teams. One team would be collecting meteorological data and counting crows. That's actually their job, to count crows - not listen to the band Counting Crows...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: ...But to actually count crows.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Another mobile team would be making efforts to displace the crows using noise machines and laser pointers. I'm assuming one of the noises is not ca-caw, ca-caw (ph).

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So one of these is a real job that somebody could get, perhaps yourself if you need a change. Was it - from Alonzo, terrible drivers being hired by GM to really test autonomous cars; from Jessi Klein, the avocado concierge position at Whole Foods; or from Maz Jobrani, human scarecrows in Idaho? Which of these is the real story in the week's news?

WELLER: Wow. I mean, I kind of wish it was the avocado one because that would be really useful.

SAGAL: It would be.

(LAUGHTER)

WELLER: But I think I'm going to go with Option 3 about the crows.

SAGAL: You're going to go with Maz's story of...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...The human scarecrows being hired in Idaho.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who's actually involved in this job search.

BOBBY SANCHEZ: Migration of crows occurs here in the fall. And volunteers use noisemakers and...

(APPLAUSE)

SANCHEZ: ...And handheld laser devices to displace the crows.

SAGAL: That was Bobby Sanchez, the chief of staff of Nampa City Hall in Idaho talking about the human scarecrows they are hiring.

Congratulations, Katie. You got it right.

(APPLAUSE)

WELLER: Wow. Oh awesome. (Unintelligible).

SAGAL: A lifetime of listening has paid off.

WELLER: (Laughter).

SAGAL: You earned a point for Maz Jobrani. You've won our prize, the voice of anyone you like on your voicemail. Congratulations.

WELLER: Thank you so much. I had a blast.

SAGAL: Thank you, too. Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF SAM PILAFIAN'S "IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN")

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