Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: When Science Fairs Attack! Millennial Love and Balls and Yikes!
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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: When Science Fairs Attack! Millennial Love and Balls and Yikes!

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows - back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, our big 20th anniversary show at the Chicago Theater on October 25, and our show in Orlando, Fla. on November 15.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ERNESTO ABEYTIA: Hi. Hello.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

(LAUGHTER)

ABEYTIA: Hi. My name is Ernesto.

SAGAL: Hey, Ernesto. Where are you calling from?

ABEYTIA: I'm calling from Chandler, Ariz.

SAGAL: Chandler, Ariz. - OK. That's, like...

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: ...Near Phoenix, right?

ABEYTIA: Yeah, kind of.

MAZ JOBRANI: Kinda, sorta.

ABEYTIA: It's one of the boring suburbs.

SAGAL: Boring suburbs - what do you do there?

ABEYTIA: (Unintelligible) Suburb.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What do you do there?

ABEYTIA: In Chandler, I just sit around. In Phoenix, where I work, I actually teach university freshmen. I teach them composition.

SAGAL: Wait a minute. So you have one place...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Where you don't do anything. And then you go to another place, and you work.

(LAUGHTER)

ABEYTIA: Yeah. It's a little weird.

SAGAL: It is. It's so strange.

ABEYTIA: I mean, the motorway about, you know, 40 minutes, and then I teach a bunch of 18-year-olds about writing.

SAGAL: Right.

ABEYTIA: And I come home and I work - I just hang out, and there's a bunch of 6-year-olds.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do the people of the different places know about the other people you're seeing?

(LAUGHTER)

ABEYTIA: Not typically. That's kind of how Arizona works.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show, Ernesto. Bill Kurtis is going to now read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

ABEYTIA: Yes.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: At the science fair, children complain-o - too much soda or acids - no bueno. One pebbly construction had shrapnel eruptions. We're hurt by a homemade...

(LAUGHTER)

ABEYTIA: Volcano.

SAGAL: Yes, volcano.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Volcano, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The baking soda and vinegar volcano is the classic, oh, the science fair is tomorrow...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Experiment. And, usually, the resulting explosion is kind of lame. But, this week, one smart kid in India took the original project to the next level by filling it with rocks and tile scraps, creating a perfect, scientifically accurate explosion. It was so successful - and this is true - 59 people were injured.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's almost as many as Pompei.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But they're all fine. They're all fine. The student is now looking forward to leveling a whole city block with a potato-powered clock.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Millennials are fun to disparage. Phones and selfies are all that they cherish. And what's par for the course - they have ruined divorce because millennials hang onto their...

ABEYTIA: Marriage.

SAGAL: Marriage...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. Very good, Ernesto.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a study of millennials by the University of Maryland, marriage is in, divorce is lame.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Those crazy kids. Millennials are staying married...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Longer than the previous generation and not just because - and it's not just because you can never argue if you're always staring silently at your phones.

(LAUGHTER)

JESSI KLEIN: It's true.

SAGAL: It's absolutely true.

ALONZO BODDEN: Is it because they shared a student debt and they just figure we can't get out of this?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, apparently the real reason is that millennials don't seem - feel the same pressure to get married early. So they're much older when they finally desperately settle for Mr. OK.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: You've got to get out of your prime, tender years.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: "Red Dead 2" has superior linkage - also beard growth and real, unwashed stinkage. The designers have guts. They're a little bit nuts. The cold makes the horses have...

ABEYTIA: Shrinkage.

SAGAL: Shrinkage, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes. The new western-themed videogame "Red Dead Redemption 2" has such realistic gameplay that even the horses go through - and I quote - realistic shrinkage when they get cold.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You can assume this is in response to critiques of "Red Dead Redemption 1" - great game, super fun. But was anyone totally distracted by the completely unrealistic shrinkage when the horses forged the river? That was really - took me right out of the game.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they have actually designed the graphics so that when the horses go in the river and get cold, you can tell.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: I feel like there's a level of attention would better serve bigger problems.

SAGAL: You think so?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, actually, now they're smaller.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Peter, you got me there (laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Ernesto do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Ernesto got all three very hard limericks. Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. Thank you, Ernesto.

ABEYTIA: Thank you. Thank you very much.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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