Panel Questions Tiger Obsession.
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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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Tiger Obsession.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Mo, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has been holed up in London's Ecuadorian Embassy for six years. But this week, his hosts gave him an ultimatum saying they would kick him out if he didn't do what?

MO ROCCA: Oh, my gosh. If he didn't clean. If he didn't clean.

SAGAL: Exactly right. He didn't clean up after himself.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

ROCCA: I - I know. That's just a guess. And you know why I guessed it? Because he looks exactly like the Dyson vacuum cleaner guy.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: And that's where my head went.

AMY DICKINSON: Wow.

HARI KONDABOLU: That's a very strange connection.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

ROCCA: I just came back from Canada.

SAGAL: I understand. Yeah. No, Assange has overstayed his welcome. This week, the Ecuadorians released a memo saying they would kick him out if he didn't start, first, cleaning up after his cat.

ROCCA: I can see it.

SAGAL: Apparently, the cat is also really into leaking. And...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And then, please, do something about the bathroom. The memo from the embassy comes shortly after Assange had his Internet privileges revoked. And the government warned him that, basically, he's on thin ice, saying, if you continue to act in ways that are counter to the interests of Ecuador's government and its people - and don't you roll your eyes at me, young man.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Amy, there's a man-eating tiger on the loose in India. She has evaded capture for two years. But animal control has one last trick up their sleeve to lure her in. What is it?

DICKINSON: It's Calvin Klein's Obsession.

SAGAL: You're right, Amy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: I know. I know.

SAGAL: You sound...

DICKINSON: I know.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Apparently, large cats of various kinds may be drawn to Calvin Klein's Obsession, and not just because of the sensual ad that's on the bus.

DICKINSON: (Laughter).

SAGAL: This particular tiger is blamed for killing more than a dozen people. The U.S. would help, but the tiger has denied the accusation very strongly.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It turns out that an element of Obsession by Calvin Klein is this compound taken from animals called civets, and it has a scent the perfumers call - and I'm not kidding - fecal floral.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh, the notes - the floral notes.

SAGAL: The fecal floral notes.

DICKINSON: What about...

SAGAL: Yes.

DICKINSON: One thing that bothered me was that they were tying goats and horses - and they were tying animals in various locations to try to lure this...

SAGAL: And were they, like, spraying the perfume...

DICKINSON: (Laughter) I think so.

SAGAL: ...On the tied up - so the goat's, like, well, I'm tied to this tree and I'm about to be eaten, but I feel pretty.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Or maybe they just run them through Macy's...

SAGAL: Yeah, I know (laughter).

DICKINSON: ...You know, ground floor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They can't afford it, so they have to take the goat...

DICKINSON: They spritz it.

SAGAL: ...To Macy's and get it spritzed by a sample lady.

DICKINSON: They get a spritz.

KONDABOLU: Is that the first time animal testing was used after the perfume came out?

SAGAL: Apparently.

DICKINSON: Woah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They have not caught it yet. Authorities are hopeful. If they can't lure it in with Obsession, they'll go to their fallback plan of luring this female tiger by having a male tiger who is an active listener and looks like Jon Hamm.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: OK.

KONDABOLU: Then Assange should get some of that Obsession. It would make his room smell better. Cat's happy, Ecuadorians are happy.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WHAT'S NEW PUSSYCAT")

TOM JONES: (Singing) What's new, pussycat? Whoa. What's new, pussycat? Whoa.

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