Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Working Through the Tears, A Particular Set of Equestrian Skills and Emo-cheese.
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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Working Through the Tears, A Particular Set of Equestrian Skills and Emo-cheese.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

STEPHANIE: Hello.

SAGAL: Hi. Who's this?

STEPHANIE: This is Stephanie (ph) from Denver, Colo.

SAGAL: Hey. How are things in Denver?

STEPHANIE: They're good. They're pretty warm this week.

SAGAL: Wow. OK. Well, what do you do there in Denver?

STEPHANIE: I am a zookeeper.

SAGAL: You're a zookeeper.

AMY DICKINSON: What?

SAGAL: That is exciting. Do you have, like - are you in charge of any particular animal or exhibit?

STEPHANIE: I mostly take care of the bears.

SAGAL: Oh, no.

DICKINSON: Oh, my God.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: What kind of bears?

DICKINSON: That's a real job.

SAGAL: We - I am jettisoning our entire segment. And we are now going to talk to you for 10 minutes about bears.

DICKINSON: About bears.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What bears in particular? Do you have a particular species of bears?

STEPHANIE: We have grizzly bears and polar bears here at the Denver Zoo.

SAGAL: Whoa. I have heard that grizzly bears and polar bears are the two most dangerous kinds of bears, that they will eat you up.

(LAUGHTER)

STEPHANIE: Yeah. We try to keep people out of the exhibits.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Do the bears - do grizzly bears and polar bears like each other?

SAGAL: I think the more important question, though, is do they like you?

STEPHANIE: They do.

SAGAL: Really?

STEPHANIE: My grizzly bears can actually smell me out of a crowd.

SAGAL: Really?

STEPHANIE: Yep.

SAGAL: And so...

STEPHANIE: Obsession.

ROCCA: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, Stephanie, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them, Stephanie. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

STEPHANIE: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: We all know that the boss is a jerk and that underground feelings will lurk. Give in to that urge. Let some teardrops emerge. It's OK to be crying at...

STEPHANIE: ...Work.

SAGAL: Work - that is right.

KURTIS: Yes (unintelligible).

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A recent study...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Found that 75 percent of CFOs think that crying at work once in a while shouldn't carry a stigma. In fact, it's completely normal, especially if you're completely useless at your job, Carol...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Or if a bear bites you.

(LAUGHTER)

HARI KONDABOLU: I'll tell you. I'm a stand-up comic. I tried that once - not...

SAGAL: No, no.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: You lose confidence very quickly.

SAGAL: The argument is crying is not a shameful thing. It's a human emotion - happens to all of us sometimes, you know, like, when the vending machine is out of Diet Coke. So it should not be seen as a negative unless you're doing it every single day - that's a problem - or if your job is, like, an entertainer at children's birthday parties...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Or something else where you need to appear cool, right? I mean, you never want to hear, greetings from the flight deck. (Imitating crying) Those of you on left side...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Hey. I have a question. Steph, do bears ever cry?

(LAUGHTER)

STEPHANIE: They don't cry.

SAGAL: No. Do they ever get sad? Do you ever have sad bears?

STEPHANIE: We once changed out the bedding for one of our bears. And she got really upset with us.

ROCCA: Oh, OK.

KONDABOLU: Do doves ever cry?

DICKINSON: What'd she do?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, Stephanie, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: In "Taken 2," I've seen him greasing. With apples, our bonds will be increasing. Lead stallion on set - how could I forget my work with my pal...

STEPHANIE: I'm sorry. I totally missed it. Could you do it one more time?

SAGAL: Oh, yes. He can.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: In "Taken 2," I've seen him greasing. With apples, our bonds be increasing. Lead stallion on set - how could I forget my work with my pal...

STEPHANIE: I need a hint, guys.

ROCCA: Yeah. Imagine an actor - imagine a bear with a Scottish accent - Irish.

STEPHANIE: Liam Neeson?

SAGAL: Liam Neeson.

KURTIS: Yes, yes, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Actor and Schindler Liam Neeson...

KONDABOLU: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Claims a horse on the set of his new movie recognized him from filming a previous Western years before. Either that, or the horse was just being polite. Oh, yeah - of course. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. You rode me years ago. Yeah, yeah - of course.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Probably, the connection was instant. The horse got excited and whinnied when the actor arrived on set. And Neeson remembered him, too, saying, you never forget a horse face.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: People were doubtful, but other actors backed up Neeson's claims. This is true. Russell Crowe chimed in on Twitter. He said he worked with a horse named George on the movie "Gladiator." And then he worked with him again on "Robin Hood." The horse recognized them. And they are quote, "lifelong friends." Asked for comment, George said, more like colleagues.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick, Steph.

KURTIS: Our new IOS, we finagle because of emails sent in by P. Sagal. With all of his pleas, we were feeling the squeeze. So we added cream cheese to our...

STEPHANIE: Bagel.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

STEPHANIE: ...In a strong showing of what people can accomplish when they work together for change, Apple finally put cream cheese on the bagel emoji. Before this week, the bagel emoji was a smooth, plain bagel with no toppings. And users were horrified at what was essentially just a slice of white bread with a hole punch through it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tim Cook himself apologized saying, yes, of course, people want the circle bread with the white paste on it. I, too, insert regular human food into my face port.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is a big win - big win for the community of people that want their emojis to be literal representations of the thing. Next, they'll add relish to the hot dog and more veins to the eggplant.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Steph do on our quiz?

KURTIS: With three right, Stephanie's our queen for a day.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Stephanie.

STEPHANIE: Yay.

SAGAL: Stephanie, thank you so much for playing.

STEPHANIE: Thank you, guys.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "WEDDING CELEBRATION AND THE BOTTLE DANCE")

UNIDENTIFIED PEOPLE: (Shouting) Mazel tov.

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