Who's Bill This Time
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Hey there, Donald Duck. Get a load of this Bill.
KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here's your host at the Dr. Phillips Center for the Performing Arts in Orlando, Fla., Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much.
SAGAL: We have a wonderful show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Orlando Magic superstar Aaron Gordon. But first, we came to Florida in the middle of yet another disputed election and recount. And...
SAGAL: You're proud. I understand.
SAGAL: And I will tell you that we were worried. What if the story changes while we're talking about it?
SAGAL: But we're confident that whenever you hear this show, during the weekend, or a rerun in a few months or in a few years...
SAGAL: ...The election will still be screwed up. In fact...
SAGAL: ...When the sun finally goes supernova billions of years from now...
SAGAL: ...The last words uttered by the last human will be, we just found some new ballots in Broward County.
SAGAL: So give us a call now while the Earth is still capable of sustaining life. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
STEVE PEARLSTEIN: Hey, Peter. How's it going?
SAGAL: Hey. It's going pretty well. Who's this?
PEARLSTEIN: This is Steve Pearlstein in Milwaukee.
SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Milwaukee, a beautiful city right there on the lake?
SAGAL: What do you do there?
PEARLSTEIN: Mostly I'm packing right now.
SAGAL: You're packing. Packing for where?
PEARLSTEIN: Yes. My wife and I decided we're going to move to New Zealand.
SAGAL: You're going to move to New Zealand.
MO ROCCA: Wow.
SAGAL: Why are you moving to New Zealand from Milwaukee?
ADAM FELBER: He's cold.
PEARLSTEIN: 'Cause it seemed like fun.
SAGAL: Yeah, you're just going to go?
SAGAL: Well, Steve, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel. First off, the co-host of the new podcast Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, available now at maximumfun.org or wherever else you get your podcasts, it's Adam Felber.
PEARLSTEIN: Hey there, Adam.
SAGAL: Next, it's the storyteller and author of the memoir "The Clancys Of Queens." It's Tara Clancy.
TARA CLANCY: Hey. How are you, Steve?
PEARLSTEIN: Hi, Tara.
SAGAL: And finally, a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and host of "The Henry Ford's Innovation Nation" Saturdays on CBS, Mo Rocca.
PEARLSTEIN: Hey there, Mo.
ROCCA: Hi, Steve. I love your frozen custard.
PEARLSTEIN: Thanks. We like it, too. (Unintelligible).
SAGAL: Steve, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis, right now, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize, any voice from our show that you may choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
PEARLSTEIN: I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is from a White House official speaking anonymously this week.
KURTIS: He's pissed at damn near everyone.
SAGAL: Who was that person describing?
PEARLSTEIN: The president.
SAGAL: Yes, the president.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Ever since he realized the midterms are not, in fact, like golf - a low score is not good...
SAGAL: ...Well, say hello to President Donald J. Grump.
SAGAL: Multiple sources say the president has, quote, "retreated into a cocoon of bitterness and resentment," unquote. But don't worry. He will emerge a beautiful butterfly of bitterness and resentment.
FELBER: Bitterness and resentment, yeah.
SAGAL: Staff are trying everything to cheer him up. They arranged a surprise call from Putin. They even...
SAGAL: They even offered - the staff even offered to hide Jeff Sessions in a cake and then throw the cake away.
SAGAL: But nothing worked. Trump is so depressed, he's gone from doing nothing 12 hours a day to doing nothing 18 hours a day.
FELBER: Stepped it up.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know. I mean, it was a really - I mean, it was just a tough week for the president. You feel sorry for him. His trip to France over the weekend was a disaster. Putin refused to paint him like one of his French girls.
SAGAL: And Trump blew off a visit to an American military ceremony because of the weather.
SAGAL: No, it's - it is a little weird that Donald Trump had a problem with just a little rain. He had no problem going in when it was Stormy.
CLANCY: Oh, yeah. You know, my grandfather actually fought in World War I.
SAGAL: He did?
CLANCY: He did.
FELBER: How'd he do?
CLANCY: And people are surprised with the math, right?
CLANCY: But my - he had my father later in life, whatever. He died before I was born. But he had a wooden leg. He, like, lost his leg. You know, so my family, in particular, was, like, up in arms, you know, because, like, you know, my grandpa lost his leg, which I - now, this would be terribly tragic story for me to be sharing with you right now, except for the fact that one of my favorite family stories is that my father, when he was a kid, used to throw darts at the wooden leg.
CLANCY: I mean, yes. That's a hundred percent true.
ROCCA: But if he missed, ouch.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
FELBER: It must've been in the vicinity of the other leg.
CLANCY: Right. So one time...
SAGAL: Did your grandfather mind this?
CLANCY: No, my grandfather was a great sport. He thought this was the funniest thing ever. My father would, like, hide in the other room. And this one time, I guess, you know, like, a door-to-door salesman came to the house. And my father hides, like, in the corner and starts throwing the darts, right? Now, the salesman is sitting there watching my grandfather have no reaction...
CLANCY: ...With darts sticking out of his leg, right? And the poor guy's, like, you know, sweating bullets. And then my father missed and got him in the real leg.
CLANCY: And the salesman, like, almost fainted, you know? Grandpa was (screaming).
SAGAL: He could take it, (imitating New York accent) but he couldn't take no more.
SAGAL: All right, Steve. Here is your next quote.
KURTIS: Take that welcome mat, roll it up, and send it back to Seattle.
SAGAL: That was a state senator from Queens reacting to the news that New York would be one of two homes to whose new headquarters?
PEARLSTEIN: That would be Amazon.
SAGAL: It would be Amazon.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: You're right.
SAGAL: Amazon decided to place its new headquarters in two forgotten cities that could really use the exposure, New York and Washington, D.C.
SAGAL: New York City, by the way - this whole process provided a master class in how to date, right? So during this whole thing, cities like Cleveland were all like, we love you...
SAGAL: ...You're so pretty, we'll do anything to make you happy. And everybody in New York was like, oh, go away, nerd.
SAGAL: So of course Amazon wanted New York.
FELBER: Yeah. They had to have it.
SAGAL: Cleveland, respect yourself first.
ROCCA: I know. Pittsburgh is so needy.
SAGAL: I know. And you can't...
FELBER: Well, you know, they're moving to Long Island City in New York. Have you been there?
SAGAL: Right. It's part of Queens, right? It's where Queens...
SAGAL: It's where Queens changes...
FELBER: It's the part of Queens that Queens doesn't even talk about.
FELBER: Like, back me up, Queens.
CLANCY: Yeah. I mean, people think of Queens, they think Archie Bunker. They think Trump. They think - you know, Queens is the most diverse county in the entire United States.
FELBER: Not anymore.
CLANCY: Yeah, right.
CLANCY: There's 134 languages spoken in Queens. Like, it's this wonderful place that is...
FELBER: Now the only language is going to be HTML.
CLANCY: Yeah, that's it.
ROCCA: (Singing to the tune of "Those Were The Days") By the way, Jeff Bezos paid.
SAGAL: As you heard, people in New York are not...
ROCCA: (Singing to the tune of "Those Were The Days") Songs that cost 99 cents each, right? Something like that.
ROCCA: (Singing to the tune of "Those Were The Days") Gee, we love the overnight. Those were the drones.
SAGAL: I have no idea where we went, but I'd like to come back.
SAGAL: Here, Steven (ph), is your last quote.
KURTIS: I'm really enjoying the season finale of the U.K.
SAGAL: That was a man named Damian Sullivan on Twitter talking about the chaos in Britain over what?
PEARLSTEIN: Oh, yeah. Brexit.
SAGAL: Brexit, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
ROCCA: (Groaning) Brexit. Brexit.
SAGAL: In June of 2016, the British people voted to leave the European Union, and that seemed like the most destructive, stupid and shortsighted election result the world had ever seen, and was for about four months.
ROCCA: Sorry. It's just that it's the most boring story.
FELBER: It is not.
ROCCA: It's important, but it's not funny.
FELBER: It's very important. It's not Brexciting (ph).
ROCCA: It's not.
ROCCA: It's not. But continue. Just go on, go on. Finish the thing
SAGAL: I'll - thank you, Mo.
SAGAL: They've been trying, you see, Mo - let me see if I can get Mo interested. They've been trying to figure out how to Brexit. Since then, there seems to be no way of doing it without causing massive damage to the British economy, and worse, leaving them with nothing to eat but British cuisine.
SAGAL: No, the future for Great Britain is just one huge, sad can of spotted dick.
ROCCA: Well, all right. That's kind of interesting. I'll admit that.
SAGAL: I know, Mo, I've said this to you before, but you know we can hear your thoughts now.
ROCCA: Does this mean that Britain needs to leave Epcot?
FELBER: Oh, good question. Good question.
SAGAL: That's an interesting question.
ROCCA: That makes it fun.
SAGAL: 'Cause, as people may not know, Epcot has this pavilion of the world, and there's Great Britain, England, right there.
SAGAL: And will they have to leave - put up little walls?
FELBER: They're not physically moving Britain.
ROCCA: That would be much more interesting.
FELBER: It would be if they were to airlift that island to somewhere else.
ROCCA: Like a wide load. You'd see it on the highway, Britain...
SAGAL: That actually, apparently, would be simpler than exiting the European Union under the terms that the British people say they want.
ROCCA: All right, Peter. We get it. Sorry.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Steve do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Perfect score and a perfect gift going to New Zealand.
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Steven (ph).
PEARLSTEIN: Thanks so much.
SAGAL: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.