Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Eternal Knickers, The Plumb Tower and The Body's Building Block.
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Eternal Knickers, The Plumb Tower and The Body's Building Block.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Ill. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

ALIA ABDELKADER: Hi. This is Alia Abdelkader calling from Arlington, Va.

SAGAL: Alia Abdelkader from Arlington?

ABDELKADER: Yes.

SAGAL: That's awesome...

ABDELKADER: Lots of As in my life.

SAGAL: Well, what do you do there?

ABDELKADER: I work in government and public sector consulting.

SAGAL: Government and public sector consulting? What does that mean, exactly?

ABDELKADER: My company has a service line where we consult for different entities within the U.S. government, so...

SAGAL: You're a spy, aren't you?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Alia, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis...

ABDELKADER: Thank you.

SAGAL: ...Is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play?

ABDELKADER: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: On new leg sleeves, I take a firm stance. I won't shop for them given the chance. Now the fitting room clears for 100 years. I just bought the most long-lasting...

ABDELKADER: Pants?

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: Pants, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The outdoor clothing company...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Vollebak introduced a new line of pants this week that are made, they say, to last 100 years. This is awesome because there's no way drop-crotch cargo pants are ever going to go out of style, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nice little bonus, though, when your pants do turn 100 - Al Roker will show their picture on the "Today" show.

(LAUGHTER)

BRIAN BABYLON: Is it made of, like, "Star Trek" uniform polymer material...

SAGAL: Yeah. It's like serious, high-industrial-strength material that will never wear out.

BABYLON: Like moth-proof? Like...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: ...Moths would - what is this?

SAGAL: Yeah. Moths don't like it.

BABYLON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM PAPA: Like polyester?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick, Alia.

KURTIS: Our quaint Tuscan town seeks new meaning, and tourists will have to start weaning. It's time that we ease up on one thing in Pisa. Our tower is no longer...

ABDELKADER: Leaning.

SAGAL: Right.

KURTIS: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Leaning Tower of Pisa is starting to straighten out at a rate of 1.5 inches a year. The adjustments have garnered disappointing responses from Pisa fans and smug reactions from the grave of Pisa architect Bonanno Pisano.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Ha ha. I told you it would work.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What happened, actually, was after - the tower has been leaning pretty much since it was built back in the Renaissance. And it got problematic because no one wants to see the Fallen Over and Destroyed Tower of Pisa (ph). So they - what the engineers did was they started digging underneath the other side so the ground would subside, and it would start leaning back. And it's been working. But you don't want to make it work too well because then it will be the Straight Tower of Pisa (ph). And who cares?

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: I'll tell you who cares, the Viagra people.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They should sponsor it.

PAPA: New logo, baby.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: Plastic parts go down slow, as young Greg (ph) knows. They go slower than fish sticks or Eggos (ph). Now a self-test is proctored by six Ozzie doctors. They'll test it by swallowing...

ABDELKADER: Legos?

KURTIS: Legos, yeah...

SAGAL: Yes, Legos...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...That was a tough one. Very good.

KURTIS: Wow.

SAGAL: You are a spy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A group of scientists set out this week to finally find out the answer to a question that has plagued humanity for generations - how long does it take to poop out a Lego?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The methodology for the experiment was pretty complex. Bear with us. They had people swallow Legos, set a stopwatch and wait.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The study was in response to concerns coming from parents and as a way to get the Legos off the damn floor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Turns out - I'm sure you're dying to know - a standard Lego takes 1.7 days to pass through the system, while a Duplo takes 1.7 hundred years.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is true. Each incident - you know, when they wrote up the data, each incident of swallowing a Lego was assigned a Found and Retrieved Time, which was recorded as the subject's F-A-R-T.

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: I swallowed a pachinko ball once. Thirty minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Wow.

BIM ADEWUNMI: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Did it make that fun noise as it went through...

PAPA: (Vocalizing).

SAGAL: (Vocalizing).

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: And it comes out, and you don't know if you won something or not.

(LAUGHTER)

PAPA: I guess that was fun.

ADEWUNMI: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alia do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did so well, we know she must've gotten help from the CIA. All three right.

ABDELKADER: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Congratulations, Alia.

(APPLAUSE)

ABDELKADER: Thank you so much. I'm so excited.

SAGAL: We're excited, too. Thank you so much for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF GEORGE HARRISON SONG, "ALL THINGS MUST PASS")

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