Bluff the Listener
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, everybody. So you may think that 2018 was a complete disaster, and you might not be wrong. But what if there were things that happened this year that you didn't know about?
BILL KURTIS: What if we told you that we recorded a whole new Bluff the Listener game at Carnegie Hall in December that's never been broadcast before?
SAGAL: See if this changes your mind about the past year. Here we are with panelists Alonzo Bodden, Tara Clancy and Tom Bodett.
ALLISON: This is Allison (ph) calling from Raleigh, N.C.
SAGAL: How are things in Raleigh?
ALLISON: We are cold.
SAGAL: Really? Not, too, but...
SAGAL: ...What's cold in Raleigh?
ALLISON: You know, well, cold as in the 40s.
SAGAL: You have all of our pity and sympathy. Am I right, New York?
SAGAL: Yeah. We feel terrible for you. What do you do there?
ALLISON: I have a macaron business, where I make French macarons.
SAGAL: Oh, you have macaron. Oh, I see, like those - like - because I grew up eating Jewish macaroons, which are terrible.
SAGAL: Yours are better, I assume.
ALLISON: These I can guarantee you are better.
SAGAL: That's good. And is there a market for French macaron in Raleigh, N.C.?
ALLISON: Yeah. It's - I just started six weeks ago, but it...
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Allison...
ALLISON: It's a way to bring home the bagels, if you will.
SAGAL: Yeah, I understand.
SAGAL: My God.
KURTIS: We've changed it already.
SAGAL: It's working.
SAGAL: Allison, it's nice to have you. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Allison's topic?
KURTIS: Yo, gurt.
SAGAL: Yogurt. It's the stuff you toss out...
SAGAL: ...To get to the fruit and sugar paste in the bottom of the cup. This week, yogurt made the news in a surprising way. And our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling you the truth...
SAGAL: ...And you'll win our prize - the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
ALLISON: I'm ready.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear from Tom Bodett.
TOM BODETT: Exclusive Swiss resort and spa Dum Hietenhaus (ph) is famous for innovations in the field of overpriced and useless therapeutic experiences.
BODETT: Their signature vegetable yoga, or Gamussenstriken (ph), has been an especially popular offering. Employing Jamaican juggling beets and a yoga mat of hand-laid cabbage leaves, it is both challenging and restorative. It became more challenging and less restorative when yoga master Courtney Hawk-Staedtler (ph), at the request of management, introduced yogurt yoga using the resort's gourmet house yogurt to build the bed of cabbage leaves with layers of grip-defeating goop, also applying it to each other's skin is a bonus moisturizing treatment. The idea, said Hawk-Staedtler in a bad German accent, was...
BODETT: ...(Imitating German accent) To add the release of friction into our practice and to sell yogurt. Friction, it turns out, is essential when juggling beets on a pile of free-floating cabbage. Dum Hietenhaus regular Sara Dorey (ph) of Portland, Ore., who initiated the class-action suit against the spa...
BODETT: ...Said, I pulled a groin muscle in my first class, but I did have the lowest side straddle ever, then separated my shoulder when I fell in third class. One Belgian man left with a broken nose after his downward dog became flat-on-your-face dog.
BODETT: And an entire party of Japanese tore their meniscuses (ph) - menisci? - doing the goddess pose, all of them. Veggie yoga changed my life. Veggie yogurt yoga changed it back.
SAGAL: ...Yogurt yoga brings lawsuits where it is practiced. Your next story of yogurt on the Go-GURT comes from Tara Clancy.
TARA CLANCY: Ah, the wonders of Greece. The Acropolis, the Parthenon, Delphi, yogurt. Lest you laugh, Greek yogurt is, in fact, about to join the ranks of those renowned antiquities as a town outside of Athens has recently erected a sculpture to honor the now-worldwide dairy sensation. Town resident Nicolas Argopolis (ph) commented on the astronomical rise in popularity of his country's once-relatively-unknown product. Quote, "Years ago, when I would travel, people would say, oh, you're from Greece, the birthplace of Western civilization. But now it's, oh, you're Greek. Good yogurt."
CLANCY: Sparing no detail, the stunning, 6-foot-tall statue depicts an open individual, serving-sized plastic yogurt cup...
CLANCY: ...Complete with standard toppings, including intricately crafted, enormous slivered almonds and bronzed blueberries the size of basketballs. Naturally, there were some residents opposed to the artwork. Alex Alexopoulos (ph) commented, what's next, a giant bronze souvlaki? And his sister, Athena (ph), added, when we said we hoped for a renewed interest in our culture, this is not what we meant.
SAGAL: A memorial celebrating Greek yogurt in Greece. Your last story of yogurt comes from Alonzo Bodden.
ALONZO BODDEN: Roommates. You can't live with them, and you can't pay the rent without them. But when you can't trust them, it's time to go full-on "CSI." An unnamed student, who we'll call Kathy CSI (ph) attends Chinese Culture University in Taipei. She had five housemates and one delicious cup of yogurt just waiting for her to get home and enjoy. Imagine how upset she was when it was gone. She found the empty yogurt in a trash can. Thievery 101 teaches us get rid of the evidence. But, apparently, one of her roommates hadn't taken that class. But which one? Only one way to find out - fingerprints.
She took the retrieved cup to the police, but they couldn't find a usable print. But this is 2018, and we have DNA testing. Some say it was a waste of resources, spending $500 for five DNA tests to find a thief of a $2 yogurt.
BODDEN: But those people never had a yearning for yogurt only to come home and find it wasn't there. Besides, the police lab needed the practice using their DNA test kits, as there isn't much crime around the Chinese Culture University. Kathy had offered her roommates the opportunity to confess, but no one cracked. But as they say on "Cops," whatcha going to do when they come for you?
BODDEN: Faced with undeniable evidence, the thief cracked and is facing theft charges. Hopefully, those charges involve paying for the yogurt and not for the DNA tests. Police put the crime down to live criminal culture.
SAGAL: All right. One of these stories about yogurt in the news is true. Was it from Tom Bodett, someone tries veggie yogurt yoga, which goes hilariously and possibly actionably wrong; from Tara Clancy, that the nation of Greece has realized one of the great treasures that they've given to the world is Greek yogurt, and they built a memorial to it; or from Alonzo Bodden, a student is so incensed that somebody stole and ate her yogurt that she gets a DNA test done to find the culprit? Which of these is the real story of yogurt in the news?
ALLISON: Hmm. This is a really difficult one to Yoplait...
ALLISON: Get it? You get it? But I'm going to go with C because I've been there, not to that extent. It does not make me miss my college roommate days. But I totally believe her. I sympathize.
SAGAL: You're choosing Alonzo's story of the yogurt thief who was caught only through high-tech DNA testing? Well, to bring you the correct answer, we have spoken to a reporter who covered the true story.
CAITLYN HITT: Nobody owned up to having taken the yogurt, so she took the bottle down to a local...
SAGAL: That was Caitlyn Hitt. She's a freelance reporter for Thrillist, talking about the great stolen yogurt caper cracked by DNA evidence in Taipei. Congratulations. You got it right. You earned a point for Alonzo.
SAGAL: You've won the voice of your choice for you. You've done fantastically well. Congratulations.
ALLISON: Thank you.
SAGAL: Thank you and thanks for playing. And, even though I made fun of macarons, I would like some if you want to send them.
ALLISON: I definitely will send you some.
SAGAL: Thank you so much. Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF SKEWIFF'S "SCISSORS, PAPER, STONE")
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