Panel Questions Feline The Burn, Houston - We Have A Emergency, Silence Is Golden.
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Panel Questions

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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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Feline The Burn, Houston - We Have A Emergency, Silence Is Golden.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, the big technology show CES is on right now, and one of the gadgets making a splash is a new $1,800 treadmill from a Korean company, specifically designed to help who lose weight?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Ah, cats.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: There you go.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Did you know that?

POUNDSTONE: No.

SAGAL: Why did you guess that?

POUNDSTONE: Because I just - thinking of a need that should be filled.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, you'll be thrilled.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: The treadmill is called The Little Cat. And you start by setting a weight target for your cat. But don't go crazy. You could stand to lose 10 pounds; that would make your cat disappear. Then, the treadmill plays messages like, here, kitty, kitty, and, when you become physically fit, humans will become your prey.

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Sure.

POUNDSTONE: My cat Matilda was so fat that she couldn't have done a treadmill because just walking across the floor, she would go like, (meowing)...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...Because she was so fat that it hurt her legs to hoist herself. Well, what was I to do? I mean, so I'm like, well, run over here, get on this treadmill. (Meowing).

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wouldn't work at all.

BURBANK: I would absolutely watch a TV network that's only show was cats on treadmills.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Roxanne, this week, somebody got in trouble for accidentally calling 911. Where was this person?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: I think I read this some place. I'm going to need a hint.

SAGAL: Hi, my emergency is that I'm, like, 8 miles above the Earth.

ROBERTS: An astronaut?

SAGAL: An astronaut, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Space Station is where they were.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Was this a butt dial?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So apparently, just like in your office, to dial out at the Space Station, you have to dial nine.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: And one particular astronaut dialed nine and then hit one and one. And the next thing you know, it was like, where's the emergency? And he's like, I'm in space.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No one can hear me scream.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: That's where your Space Force comes in.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: I love the idea that there's a phone on there. Like, does it have a super long cord...

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: ...So, like, the teenage astronaut can go around into a different part of the Space Station and talk to her friends?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Roxanne, this week, one woman in China woke up with a very rare condition. She can no longer hear what?

ROBERTS: Justin Bieber songs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Not quite, no.

ROBERTS: No.

SAGAL: For many women, it wouldn't be so much a hearing problem as a hearing solution.

ROBERTS: She couldn't hear her husband.

SAGAL: She couldn't hear any men at all.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The woman, identified in the news report as Ms. Chen, went to bed nauseous. She woke up feeling much better, with a calm stomach and a complete inability to hear her boyfriend speak. Chen went to the hospital and met with a specialist who explained, quote, "she was able to hear me when I spoke to her, but when a young male patient walked in, she couldn't hear him at all." That's right. The doctor was a woman.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Chen apparently lost the ability to hear low-frequency tones, so she won't be able to hear guys, or their sick beats, until she recovers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We hope she enjoys her recovery. We have no idea how she's going to go through life without having men telling her how bitcoin works.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Wait; without having men tell her how everything works.

SAGAL: Exactly.

BURBANK: Well, actually, Roxanne.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

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