Who's Bill This Time
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Bill the wall. Bill the wall.
KURTIS: I'm Bill the Kurtis.
KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. We have a wonderful show for you today because, as a wise man once said, are you ready for some football? Later on, we're going to be talking to All-Pro defensive back Charles Peanut Tillman, the most feared Chicago Bear since Charles Peanut Allergy Tillman.
SAGAL: If you're ready for game day, give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.
ASHLEY SUTTON: Hey. This is Ashley Sutton from Winston-Salem, N.C.
SAGAL: How are things in Winston-Salem?
SUTTON: Pretty good today.
SAGAL: Yeah. Well, don't brag about the weather.
SAGAL: What do you do there?
SUTTON: I work in a brewery, and I play in a couple of bands.
SAGAL: Oh, really? Well, that sounds like...
AMY DICKINSON: Oh, man.
SAGAL: Excuse me, sir. Are you a hipster?
SUTTON: No, I'm a little too old for that, I think.
SAGAL: (Laughter) OK. Well, welcome to the show, Ashley. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, the syndicated advice columnist behind Ask Amy and the author of "Strangers Tend To Tell Me Things" - Ms. Amy Dickinson.
SAGAL: Next, the writer for WGN's Man Of The People who'll be appearing at Dandy's in Milwaukee on February 2 and Welch's bar in Fort Wayne, Ind. on February 8. It's Adam Burke.
ADAM BURKE: Hello.
BURKE: How are you?
SAGAL: And finally, a playwright and senior culture writer at BuzzFeed News - it's Bim Adewunmi.
BIM ADEWUNMI: Hello.
SAGAL: Ashley, welcome to the show. We are all gathered, so it is time to start. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time, as I'm sure you anticipated. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you or recreate three quotations in the week's news. Your job, of course - identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you'll win our prize - the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?
SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is a suspiciously well-written tweet.
KURTIS: This is her prerogative. I will do it when the shutdown is over.
SAGAL: That was the president of the United States giving in to the speaker of the House and agreeing to postpone what until the shutdown is over?
SUTTON: The State of the Union.
SAGAL: Yes - the state of the Union...
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: ...Speech. Right. Very good.
SAGAL: After a week of back and forth between President Trump and Nancy Pelosi about whether he'd be able to deliver the State of the Union during the shutdown, the president suddenly gave in in a very civil tweet that even spelled the word prerogative correctly.
SAGAL: Which means one thing - the president is going to be so angry when he finds out about this.
SAGAL: At first, he said he'd just make the speech from someplace else. But he couldn't find anywhere - even that club that lets Louis C.K. do his set was, like, no.
BURKE: And the Kremlin was booked that day.
SAGAL: Yeah, it was.
DICKINSON: My favorite insulting tweet he sent out in Nancy Pelosi's direction went something like, Nancy Pelosi, who I call Nancy.
DICKINSON: It's, like, woah.
SAGAL: Yeah, woah. It's, like, what happened? I mean, just Nancy? That's his insulting nickname?
DICKINSON: I know (laughter).
SAGAL: We assume that the White House senior official who's in charge of insulting nicknames has been furloughed.
BURKE: Didn't, at one point, it just seemed like a battle of letterheads? Like, who had the...
SAGAL: Yes. Who had the bigger letterhead?
BURKE: From the desk of - or, in Trump's case, from the toilet of...
SAGAL: Now, what's funny is, you know, so now we're getting a sense of who Speaker Pelosi is and how she'll deal with him. A lot of people read Ms. Pelosi's initial letter as a suggestion, right? But Italian grandmothers do not suggest.
SAGAL: It's like her saying, oh, maybe it's a good idea to change your dress before you go out - which means, change that, or you'll be locked in your room until you're 25. I mean...
BURKE: Yeah, I really want to play him at poker now (laughter). He's just, like...
BURKE: I'm all in. Are you? No.
SAGAL: Here is your next quote.
KURTIS: I'm afraid it'll be on my gravestone - he lied for Trump.
SAGAL: That is someone who could be right about what his gravestone will eventually say.
SAGAL: He's been all over the airwaves recently saying all kinds of things about his client, the president. Who is it?
SUTTON: I would say Michael Cohen.
SAGAL: Oh, no. Michael Cohen no longer represents the president.
SUTTON: Oh, Rudy Giuliani.
SAGAL: Rudy Giuliani.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Yes, very good.
SAGAL: Although you make a good point about Michael Cohen. There could someday be a graveyard filled with headstones saying, I lied for Donald Trump.
SAGAL: Last year, apparently the president became dissatisfied with how his representatives were defending him on TV. And, since he couldn't do it himself, he wanted somebody just as aggressive. He went with Giuliani when he couldn't get his first choice, rabies.
SAGAL: And then before Giuliani completely rejects that potential epitaph for himself, he should think about what else it might be, given his career. I mean, here lies Rudy Giuliani. He let his wife know he was divorcing her in a press conference. Or here lies Rudy, the only man who looked better with a comb-over.
BURKE: Surely they had someone just write, here lies Rudy as he did in life.
DICKINSON: Lies - oh.
SAGAL: Now, he said - I mean, he was on TV. He was on all the cable news and Sunday shows, as he often is. But that quote from about his future gravestone came from this very bizarre interview with Isaac Chotiner of the New Yorker, who caught him, as Giuliani said, just before he was going to get in the shower. And maybe it was because he was physically naked that he became emotionally naked. And he said all these crazy things, like, for example, I've been through all the tapes. And the interviewer said, tapes?
SAGAL: What tapes?
ADEWUNMI: I love his response, though.
SAGAL: And Giuliani said, oh, I shouldn't have said there were tapes. There are no tapes. I've seen the tapes.
SAGAL: And then he just changed his voice and said, new phone. Who this?
BURKE: You caught me as I'm about to get in the shower. And then there's, like, an audible subway announcement.
ADEWUNMI: I just like the way he went for the most obvious, childish I shouldn't have said tapes.
SAGAL: I shouldn't have said tapes. Oh, sorry.
ADEWUNMI: That's, like - that's the moment where you kind of - you say, did you do it? And the kid goes, no. And then you go, did you do it? And the kid goes, maybe.
BURKE: Yeah. Giuliani was kind of like twirling his toe in the carpet...
BURKE: Like, aww, shucks.
ADEWUNMI: Aww, shucks. You got me. I shouldn't have said tapes.
DICKINSON: Well, here's what I love. Like, his soon to be most recent ex-wife...
DICKINSON: ...Judith Nathan, said something like, as his soon to be ex-wife and a nurse, I'm really worried about him.
DICKINSON: I'm, like, oh, my god.
BURKE: You know, what's really weird is that was in their vows. They're, like...
BURKE: Do you take this woman to be your soon to be most recent ex-wife?
SAGAL: All right. Very good, Ashley. Your last quote is from a lawsuit that was filed quite recently in New Orleans, La.
KURTIS: Past, present and future mental anguish and emotional trauma, loss of faith and enjoyment of life.
SAGAL: Those were damages that these people say were caused to them because of what?
SUTTON: Oh, man.
SAGAL: The clue is New Orleans.
SUTTON: Oh, the dang Saints. Yep.
SAGAL: They're angry about the Saints game. That's right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: You probably saw this. During the last minutes of the NFC playoff game on Sunday, the refs blew a call that would have helped the New Orleans Saints to go on to the Super Bowl. Basically, a Saints receiver was getting ready to catch a ball when a Rams defender appeared and ran him over with a garbage truck...
SAGAL: ...Then backed up, did it again.
SAGAL: And the refs were, like, well, who are we to say that's not allowed?
SAGAL: So Saints fans are demanding variously that the NFL apologize or that it reverse the results of the game and let the Saints go to the Super Bowl or that they pay a massive penalty to the hurt people of New Orleans. Saints fans' lawyer, Rudolph Giuliani, made a strong argument...
SAGAL: ...Saying, quote, they have no case whatever. Who knows if their guy would have caught it? Meanwhile...
BURKE: Just look at the tapes.
SAGAL: I mean - wait.
SAGAL: So the people in New Orleans are extremely upset. Meanwhile, people in LA, home of the victorious Rams, are saying, wait a minute - we have a football team?
SAGAL: Well, that's nice. By the way, this is interesting, and I'm sure that everybody knows this, but the Super Bowl is next week. It's going to be the New England Patriots - they are in every Super Bowl by law...
SAGAL: ...Versus the Rams. And it just so happens New England's quarterback, Tom Brady, at 41 is about 10 years older than the Rams' coach...
SAGAL: ...Who's, I think, 32.
ADEWUNMI: One of my - so one of my favorite things, as someone who doesn't consider American football to be, you know, real football...
ADEWUNMI: I appreciate you. No. But, like, my favorite thing is I've come into this with almost no knowledge, but I know that everyone hates Tom Brady.
ADEWUNMI: And I just want to say thank you for engulfing me in the loving embrace of hating a man I don't know anything about.
BURKE: Just his name.
BURKE: Tom Brady...
SAGAL: You know, I'm surprised he hasn't come up in your "Thirst" podcast because he's a...
SAGAL: He's a good-looking fellow, Bim.
ADEWUNMI: I mean, some people say so. I personally believe that there is a lid for every pot, but I don't want to cook with Tom Brady.
SAGAL: All right.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Ashley do on our quiz?
KURTIS: We're going to give it all to Ashley - 3 and 0.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Ashley.
SUTTON: All right.
SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.
SUTTON: Thank you.
(SOUNDBITE OF LOUIS ARMSTRONG'S "WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN")
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.