Bluff The Listener
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. Here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. So this week, we are out recharging our batteries, which is a euphemism for drinking heavily and sending out our resumes to radio shows that talk about something else...
SAGAL: ...Anything else.
KURTIS: For example, how about a sports show? We could do that. We've got experience. Here's our exploration of a new kind of sports injury with Helen Hong, Roy Blount Jr. and Luke Burbank.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)
EMILIA DELGROSSO: Hi, Peter. This is Emilia calling from West Chester, Pa.
SAGAL: West Chester - now, West Chester - is that not far from Philadelphia, as I remember?
DELGROSSO: That is correct. West Chester is the best Chester.
SAGAL: Oh, of course
SAGAL: What do you do there?
DELGROSSO: I - well, I am a classically trained flute player, and I work as a manager at a health and fitness center.
SAGAL: Of course you are, because...
LUKE BURBANK: Do those worlds overlap ever?
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Emilia. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Emilia's topic?
KURTIS: Doc, you're not going to believe this.
SAGAL: Sure, there are your classic injuries. People have them all the time - runner's knee, tennis elbow, panelist's groin.
SAGAL: But this week, we heard about an injury happening in a really surprising way - so surprising it made the news. Each of our panelists is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win our prize - the WAIT WAITer of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play?
DELGROSSO: I have a lot of family that's going to be listening to this, so I hope I don't let them down.
SAGAL: All right. Just, like, putting the pressure on. Good idea.
DELGROSSO: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
SAGAL: All right. First, let's hear from Helen Hong.
HELEN HONG: Carl Bradford (ph) was not having a good week. Recently separated, he had been kicked out of the home that he had shared with his estranged wife and forced to move into a bachelor studio in the attic of his mom's house. The attic was sparsely furnished with three items, all from Ikea - a fraying Brathult pullout couch, a Malm side table and a Hemnes bookshelf lined with his mom's romance novels, an ancient collection of Encyclopedia Britannicas and two urns, one containing Grandpa Joe (ph) and the other his dead hamster, Skipper (ph).
HONG: In need of a quick furniture fix and not one to mix things up, Carl headed to, of course, Ikea. But putting together a Songesand six-drawer dresser becomes quickly infuriating, even in the best of times. In sheer frustration, Carl hurled one of the half-constructed dresser drawers at the wall. It clipped the edge of the Hemnes bookshelf, which, it turns out, had not been properly mounted with a Betydlig wall anchor.
HONG: The bookshelf came crashing down, flinging heavy encyclopedia volumes out the attic window and onto the neighbor's car, shattering the windshield. The urn containing Grandpa Joe also flew out the window, narrowly missing the neighbor's dog and splintering into a million pieces on the concrete driveway. The other urn, holding Skipper the hamster, flew at Carl, fracturing his elbow and covering him in dead hamster dust.
HONG: Carl, who's been in a cast for two weeks, is remorseful and says the experience made him realize how much he had taken his wife and properly furnished home for granted. He's mending his relationship, vowing more appreciation for both his marriage and all things not Ikea.
SAGAL: A multiple catastrophe cascade courtesy of Ikea. Your next story of an unlikely injury comes from Roy Blount Jr.
ROY BLOUNT JR: Volleyball is what nudists play.
BLOUNT JR: It's a big nudist thing. You see a bunch of naked people, and you wonder what's up. Then you see they're playing volleyball, and you go, oh, it's nudists.
BLOUNT JR: But golf - nudists playing golf? It don't seem natural.
BLOUNT JR: Now it has happened - the first nude golf day at a course in Northern Australia, organized by 69-year-old Brian Jensen (ph), who runs a nearby nudist retreat - shoes and hat and nothing else.
BLOUNT JR: Puts another connotation on how you're swinging, said Jensen.
BLOUNT JR: Thirty golfers took part. Only one suffered an injury. Bitten by a scandalized wombat? Ball in the wrong hole?
BLOUNT JR: No, this fellow just didn't want to use a cart, so he carried his bag of clubs over his bare shoulder, and it chafed kind of bad.
BLOUNT JR: Puts another connotation on how's it hanging, I guess.
SAGAL: A chafed shoulder from a nudist golf event in Australia. Your last story of a boo-boo in the news comes from Luke Burbank.
BURBANK: Doctors at Kindred Hospital in Brea, Calif., listed Kevin Dodgerel (ph) in satisfactory condition this week with a broken leg and radial fracture. But they say things could have been much worse after he raced through a four-way stop on his bike and collided with a UPS truck. His family says things went about as they were expecting, considering he was riding a Peloton stationary bicycle he'd modified...
BURBANK: ...To take on the street. The bike was a birthday present to Dodgerel from his wife and kids, and he admits to having been a little confused when he first unpacked the gift. Well, I didn't realize it was a stationary bike at first, he told the Brea Post-Dispatch. And since I'd already thrown out the assembly directions long before trying to put it together, I just figured it was some kind of weird bike they got a screaming deal on or something.
BURBANK: Dodgerel solved the problem by latching two of his daughter's light-up Heely sneakers to the underside of the back of the bike and then unsheathing the giant, heavy front wheel from its frame so it could sort of just roll on the ground. The biggest problem is those things don't actually come with brakes, said Dodgerel from his hospital bed.
BURBANK: So I brought some barbecue tongs with me. I figured I could kind of pinch the front wheel...
BURBANK: ...To try to slow down. For what could only be described as obvious reasons, the plan failed.
BURBANK: Dodgerel, though, is not ready to admit defeat, telling his family he just needs a Saturday where he and his buddies Dale (ph) and Pat (ph) can get under the hood of that thing, and they'll have it working again in no time.
SAGAL: All right. Let's review these injuries. From Helen, it was a broken clavicle, I think, and other injuries from a cascading Ikea furniture accident. From Roy Blount Jr., the injury was a chafed shoulder - an inevitable result of playing golf in the nude, as a bunch of people did in Australia. Or, from Luke Burbank, various terrible fractures from riding a Peloton bike in the street. Which really happened?
DELGROSSO: Good gravy.
SAGAL: Good gravy, indeed.
DELGROSSO: Let's go with B.
SAGAL: So your choice is B, Roy's story about the nude golf tournament. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with this kind of injury.
BALU NATARAJAN: Nude activities, such as nude golf, carry their own host of unique issues.
NATARAJAN: Even carrying equipment could lead to that injury.
SAGAL: that was. Dr. Balu Natarajan, and he's a sports medicine physician at Chicago Primary Care Sports Medicine, being very gracious as he spoke to us about this nude golf injury suffered in Australia.
DELGROSSO: Oh, boy.
SAGAL: Congratulations. You did get it right.
SAGAL: Roy was telling you the truth in his patented folksy way, so you have earned a point for him, as well as winning our prize for you. Congratulations.
DELGROSSO: Thank you, guys.
(SOUNDBITE OF TINSELTOWN TUNESTARS' "CRAZY UNCLE")
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.