Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "Democracy Inaction," "Gals Out For A Stroll" and "Billion-ial Babe."
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "Democracy Inaction," "Gals Out For A Stroll" and "Billion-ial Babe."

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Lay me down for a triple word score. I'm Scrab-Bill (ph) Kurtis.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. Great show for you today, especially because we're going to go to a place where we have never gone before. You see, here at WAIT WAIT we worry about a lot of things - our panelists, our crew, the quality of our jokes and whether or not you can tell they are jokes. But...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Today, we discuss something we never have to think about here, which is clothing. There are so many questions. For example, should we now be wearing pants?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So today, we are going to ask all our pressing questions to an expert - Ruth E. Carter, the Oscar winner for her costume design on the movie "Black Panther." Fortunately, though, she will not be able to see us, either.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We don't care if you bother to put on pants first. Give us a call to play our game. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JUDY HOLMLUND: Hello. This is Judy from Tampa Bay.

SAGAL: Oh, how are things in Tampa Bay?

HOLMLUND: They're awesome. Beautiful day today - 72 degrees.

SAGAL: Yeah.

PETER GROSZ: (Laughter).

(BOOING)

KURTIS: There's your reaction, Judy.

SAGAL: Well...

HOLMLUND: Sorry.

SAGAL: Thanks for calling, but I'm afraid you've lost. Goodbye.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Welcome to our show, Judy. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the co-host of the podcast Nobody Listens To Paula Poundstone. It's Adam Felber.

(APPLAUSE)

ADAM FELBER: Hey, Judy.

SAGAL: Next, it's a features writer for the Style section of The Washington Post. It's Roxanne Roberts.

(APPLAUSE)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hello, Judy.

HOLMLUND: Hello, Roxanne.

SAGAL: Finally, a writer and performer you've seen playing Mike Pence on "The President Show" - it's Peter Grosz.

GROSZ: Hi, Judy.

(APPLAUSE)

HOLMLUND: Hi, Peter.

SAGAL: Now, Judy, you're going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. You expected this. And you know that you have to correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize - the voice of anyone you may choose from our show on your voicemail. You ready to play?

HOLMLUND: I'm ready.

SAGAL: Here is your first quote.

KURTIS: Well, at least there won't be hate anymore.

SAGAL: That was David Waldman on Twitter celebrating the passage Thursday of a bold resolution in Congress condemning hate by whom?

HOLMLUND: The Congress.

SAGAL: The Congress, yes, but which half of Congress?

(LAUGHTER)

HOLMLUND: The House of Representatives.

SAGAL: OK. (Unintelligible). Which half...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Of the House of Representatives?

HOLMLUND: The Democrats passed...

SAGAL: Yes, the Democrats.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

ROBERTS: Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: On Thursday, all the Democrats in the House voted to condemn bigotry. So hopefully, you all got in your bigotry before it became illegal this week.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Democrats took over the House of Representatives in January, and they were united, determined and focused. And it was amazing that it lasted all of six weeks before they reverted to their natural state of backstabbing and purity testing. This week's disaster all started around Representative Ilhan Omar, who said something some people thought was anti-Semitic, but she says it wasn't. And the argument got so bad, even Representative Omar was heard to say, oy, I've had it up to my tuchus with these meshugas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they finally decided to deal with it by passing a resolution condemning all kinds of hate, including anti-Semitism, racism, Islamophobia and whatever Taylor Swift was upset about in that song.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: That - didn't it start with just anti-Semitism? They had to add to it to get more people on.

SAGAL: Yeah. It was this weird sort of bizarre political thing that only Democrats could do.

FELBER: And this isn't even a law. This isn't even...

GROSZ: A bill...

FELBER: It's just a resolution. We don't like hate.

SAGAL: Yeah. We don't like hate, and they all decided they could agree on this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Except 21 Republicans voted against it.

FELBER: And I admire that.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I don't know why they would do that, though, because I feel like they should just vote yes on everything. And, like, it's like when someone's beating themselves up, you just sort of get out of the way and make sure you don't get hit by their...

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: ...Flailing hands.

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: I feel like they should just be, like, we're actually going to all take a - the week off, and you guys just, like - just fight against each other for a second.

FELBER: But they're worried about being primaried, right?

GROSZ: There's, like, talk amongst yourselves. Then there's fight amongst yourselves.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, it did introduce an interesting discussion. Can you be critical of Israel without being anti-Semitic?

FELBER: No.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Oh, sorry.

SAGAL: OK. And is it anti-Semitism if you just hate Jared Kushner? Just...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Right.

SAGAL: All right. Your next quote is a Washington Post comment on a landmark in space exploration. It's scheduled for next week.

KURTIS: It's just two astronautesses (ph) doing their work.

SAGAL: If it all goes according to schedule, next week, NASA will stage the first all-female what?

HOLMLUND: Flight into space.

SAGAL: Well, no. That's been done before. But what's never been done before is just women doing one particular activity out there in space.

HOLMLUND: A spacewalk.

SAGAL: Yes, a spacewalk.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It's great - the first all-female spacewalk. It's great because in space, no one can hear you say, why don't you smile more?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: At the end of March, two female astronauts will do a spacewalk together 245 miles above the Earth because that's literally how far you have to go to really avoid getting harassed at work.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Do they have to do it backward in heels?

SAGAL: Exactly.

GROSZ: I have a question. Why do women always go to space in pairs?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: It's so weird. It's so weird. Like, why do they do that?

FELBER: Guys just go to space...

GROSZ: Guys will go into space by themselves.

FELBER: ...When they want to go to space.

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: Yeah. Like, what's up, Rox? Speak for all women.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: It's because they want to get the hell away from you guys.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The announcement that space will no longer be habitable for Mike Pence has been...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Met with praise and excitement all around. Women are excited. Space nerds are excited. TMZ is already speculating about what the ladies will be wearing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's tough, though. You show up for your big historic spacewalk. Your photograph is going be in the Smithsonian. And you realize the woman next to you is wearing the same suit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's interesting - and this is also true - just to really make history, the crew managing the spacewalk back down at mission control - also all women. The whole thing is going to be so constructive...

FELBER: So the first...

SAGAL: ...And empowering and cooperative. It's, like, Houston, you don't have a problem. You're perfect.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I would love to see it reported kind of like old-timey newsreel style.

SAGAL: What do you mean?

GROSZ: Well, these lovely ladies are going out into space. Can you imagine?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I guess those windows really did need cleaning.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Come back in, ladies. These men don't know what to eat for dinner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Moving along before we're instantly canceled...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Your last quote is in response to a big article in Forbes this week.

KURTIS: Kylie Jenner - those days getting up at 5 a.m. to deliver the paper in the snow, saving up every nickel.

SAGAL: That article announced to the world that Ms. Jenner is now the youngest ever what in all of history?

HOLMLUND: Billionaire.

SAGAL: Yes.

GROSZ: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: She became the youngest billionaire.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Although what's interesting is that Forbes referred to Kylie Jenner as the world's youngest self-made billionaire...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Because it's true. Jenner did it on her own without any help from anybody - except her incredibly famous and wealthy family, who put her on reality TV at the age of 10.

FELBER: How old is she now?

SAGAL: She's 21.

ROBERTS: Twenty-one.

FELBER: And how old was Zuckerberg?

SAGAL: Zuckerberg was 23.

FELBER: Oh.

SAGAL: I mean, you can...

GROSZ: They're both so odious I don't know who - it's like I don't feel, like - oh, I feel bad for Zuckerberg. But also, like, I don't feel bad for him. He's...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: ...Kind of a horrible person.

SAGAL: I don't - I mean, I don't think Kylie Jenner is odious. She actually started this company selling cosmetics, starting with lip gloss. And she's actually sold a lot of lip gloss, which may or may not be important. But, you know, Zuckerberg's, like, wow, do you know much of the world I had to ruin to get my billion dollars?

GROSZ: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Yes. Overall, she's done a less harmful...

ROBERTS: Less harm.

GROSZ: ...Thing for society.

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: And actually, you know, if you think about it, previous billionaires have made their money by denuding forests...

SAGAL: Yes.

GROSZ: ...And extracting oil from the earth at the expense of all of our health and...

ROBERTS: So you're saying she's an innocuous billionaire.

FELBER: No...

GROSZ: So I actually think she's my favorite billionaire.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Now that I come to think about it, good for her and her lip gloss.

FELBER: Well, that's when you find out that her lip gloss is made from panda tears, and then I think that...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: We should have known...

SAGAL: She's also very charitable. She's set up a charity to help underprivileged women have access to basic makeup. It's called the Kylie Jenner Foundation Foundation.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Judy do on our quiz?

KURTIS: I just want Kylie to know that I'll be happy to be her Bill-ionaire (ph).

SAGAL: Hey.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Judy did great - 3 and 0.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Judy.

(APPLAUSE)

HOLMLUND: Thank you.

SAGAL: Well done. Enjoy the weather.

(SOUNDBITE OF ABBA SONG, "MONEY, MONEY, MONEY")

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