Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news ... Three's a Crowd, NonSpace, Novelistas.
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Who's Bill This Time?

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Who's Bill This Time?

Who's Bill This Time?

Who's Bill This Time?

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news ... Three's a Crowd, NonSpace, Novelistas.

CHIOKE I'ANSON: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. With the Herculean task of filling in for Bill Kurtis, I'm one of the voices of NPR's credits, Chioke I'Anson. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Chioke.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. We have a great show for you today. We really do. "Saturday Night Live" star Aidy Bryant will be joining us later to play Not My Job. We are so excited to welcome Chioke I'Anson back to the show. Bill Kurtis is overseas this week. It's easy for him. He doesn't have to fly. He just goes to the beach, commands the sea to part and walks there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All you have to do to get to us is pick up your phone. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

MADELINE HAYNES: Hi, this is Madeline calling from Austin, Texas.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Austin - one of my favorite places?

HAYNES: They're great - beautiful here.

SAGAL: That's great. Now, South by Southwest is all done, right?

HAYNES: Yes.

SAGAL: Yeah. And...

HAYNES: (Laughter).

SAGAL: When that happens, when that takes over the city, do you participate, or do you just hide from it and hope - wait till it's over?

HAYNES: (Laughter) I wasn't able to participate because of class, but there was a lot of traffic.

SAGAL: There was a lot of traffic. Well, welcome to the show, Madeline. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, it's a writer for WGN's "Man Of The People" and a comedian. He'll be appearing at Storytellers On A Mission on March 30 with Tom Bodett at the Latchis Theatre in Brattleboro, Vt. It's Adam Burke.

ADAM BURKE: Hello, Madeline. Hello.

HAYNES: Hi.

BURKE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Next, it's the host of "Fake The Nation" and author of "How To Make White People Laugh." You can read her column Hemming And Hawing in The Progressive magazine. It's Negin Farsad.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And finally, the host of the podcast "Mobituaries" and the just Emmy-nominated host of "Innovation Nation" on CBS, it's Mo Rocca.

(APPLAUSE)

MO ROCCA: Hi, Madeline.

HAYNES: Hello.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Madeline. You're going to play Who's Chioke This Time. Chioke I'Anson, filling in for Bill, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to play?

HAYNES: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Let's hear your first quote.

I'ANSON: I barely know him, but just take a look - a stone-cold loser and husband from hell.

SAGAL: That was President Trump talking about a man named George Conway. He's not just another stone-cold loser. He's also married to whom?

HAYNES: That'd be Kellyanne Conway.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Kellyanne Conway.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: George Conway, husband to senior presidential adviser Kellyanne Conway, is being so viciously attacked by President Trump you'd think he was a recently deceased beloved American war hero.

(LAUGHTER)

NEGIN FARSAD: Or a rerun of "Saturday Night Live."

SAGAL: I know.

ROCCA: No funeral for George Conway.

BURKE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: So Donald Trump is getting between Kellyanne and George. George is going after Donald. Kellyanne is defending Donald. It's this wacky sitcom no one wanted to see.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's like a combination of "The West Wing," "Married With Children" and "To Catch A Predator"

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: She - is it like the Oscars to confer the husband from hell title? Do you need to be the current holder of that title?

SAGAL: Exactly. Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You have to do that. It's the tradition. They bring you back.

FARSAD: It would be so stressful to have that couple over for dinner. Like, they come over dinner, and Kellyanne would be, like, this meal is amazing. It's going to nourish a lot of people. And then George would be, like, this meal has narcissistic personality disorder. It's terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the reason this came about is George Conway - again, the husband of the president's senior adviser - has been highly critical of the president on Twitter, calling him among other things juvenile, boorish, unfit for office, incompetent and mentally unstable. But it's his wife's boss. It's so hard to understand. It's possible it's just PR, right? You know, they're all just doing this for show, as if at the beginning of his presidency, Donald Trump said to Kellyanne, I need for Melania and I not to be the most unbelievable marriage in the country. What can you do?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I think it probably - I think this conflict maybe keeps - I don't know - the romance alive.

SAGAL: You think so?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Maybe that's part of it.

BURKE: She goes, yeah, baby - sub-tweeted the president.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Yeah, you go through that DSM.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: But I - can I just say if, like - so your theory is that they're hate-[expletive] every night.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROCCA: I think so, yeah.

FARSAD: Like, gross.

ROCCA: Right.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURKE: Yeah. But...

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Sometimes they mix it up, and they talk about presidents that she hates (laughter).

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, actually, the only problem is that it does get kind of rough. They never, though, should have chosen for their safe word the phrase no collusion because that means...

BURKE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They haven't gotten anywhere in years.

Madeline, here is your next quote.

I'ANSON: We apologize for the inconvenience.

SAGAL: Now, that was a statement from the antique social media company Myspace. They were sorry for the inconvenience they caused their former users when they misplaced what?

HAYNES: It was, like, everyone's music...

SAGAL: Yes.

HAYNES: ...they'd stored.

SAGAL: Everything...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Basically. Welcome to Myspace, now with even more space.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Older listeners may remember Myspace as sort of an early version of Facebook without any users or the destruction of Western democracy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Back in the day, a lot of people uploaded all kinds of content to their Myspace pages, including music and writing and photos. And it's all gone. Myspace says it was lost as they were trying to transfer it to a new computer, and a cat pulled out a plug.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or Myspace was just tidying up, and none of your lives between 2003 and 2012 sparked joy.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: That is the thing - there hasn't been a massive outcry about this.

SAGAL: Yeah. It's like...

BURKE: Most people are, like, that's OK. I don't have, like, 400 pieces of Sublime fanart that I made.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Sounds like a cry for help - like, Myspace is, like, does anyone still care about us? You know, we're going to throw ourselves into the ocean. And people are, like, that's all right.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROCCA: This is - what years, then?

SAGAL: I believe they lost everything between 2003 and 2012.

ROCCA: So what is that - like, Stone Temple Pilots? What are the...

SAGAL: No, like, I mean, people were, like, doing, like...

ROCCA: No...

SAGAL: ...Emo music or whatever they were doing at the time. And they were...

FARSAD: I think there's a photo...

SAGAL: ...Myspace page.

FARSAD: ...Of me wearing cargo pants...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: ...That's - I'm sorry, guys - it's lost forever.

SAGAL: Yeah, nobody is upset.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Yeah. Mo, put it this way. There's reams and reams of Linkin Park fanfiction that have just been lost to the ether.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Lost forever.

SAGAL: Madeline, now, your last quote is about a new trend in fashion. It's a quote from the New York Post talking about the supermodels Bella and Gigi Hadid.

I'ANSON: The gals know how to coordinate their outfits to their new brainy accessories.

SAGAL: All right. What have the Hadid sisters made into the new must-have fashion accessory just by being photographed carrying one?

HAYNES: Oh, is it books?

SAGAL: Yes, it is books.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, Madeline.

FARSAD: Nice.

SAGAL: Only used...

FARSAD: You really follow dumb news.

SAGAL: That's good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Once only used by models to snort coke out of when there was no album...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Books are instantly a hot accessory because of the Hadids. The world's top supermodels have been spotted carrying books, going so far as to coordinate them with their hoot (ph) - haute - hoot couture outfits. Hoot couture outfits are worn by owls.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Gigi Hadid was spotted carrying Camus' book "The Stranger," while Bella was spotted with a Stephen King novel. Nothing makes you look skinnier than posing with a 900-page copy of "The Stand."

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: I love that it's a vintage accessory. You have to explain what it is...

SAGAL: Yes.

BURKE: ...First. It's like Instagram but just the comments.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: I love that we all assume that they're not just the covers of books where the inside is...

SAGAL: That's where they...

FARSAD: ...Where they keep their lip gloss and drugs.

SAGAL: And their cocaine. Yeah, presumably.

FARSAD: Yeah. Like, I don't actually believe that they're reading.

SAGAL: The great thing, though...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You don't? When you think about it, though, the classic facial expression of a model, which is totally blank of any human emotion, is the kind of expression people have when they're reading books.

ROCCA: You mean resting reading face?

SAGAL: Exactly, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Books are great when you're a supermodel, of course, because you're actually so skinny you can use yourself as a bookmark.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Now, Peter, when you...

ROCCA: I'm guessing none of these books are a cookbook.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Peter, when you read "Moby Dick," do you read it to the left or to the right?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is - the fact that supermodels are now reading books is great news for NPR listeners because you all now have one thing in common with supermodels.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Chioke, how did Madeline do on our quiz?

I'ANSON: Madeline doesn't just pose with her books.

(LAUGHTER)

I'ANSON: She got three correct, making her a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Madeline.

(APPLAUSE)

HAYNES: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELLE AND SEBASTIAN SONG, "WRAPPED UP ON BOOKS")

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