Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks ... Grossfully Clean, Space Bug, Lopsided Levis.
NPR logo

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/706043793/706171453" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/706043793/706171453" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks ... Grossfully Clean, Space Bug, Lopsided Levis.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

AUTUMN O’TOOLE: Hello, my name Autumn O’Toole from Huntington, W. Va.

SAGAL: Well, how are things in Huntington, W. Va., Autumn?

O’TOOLE: Oh, they're good.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

O’TOOLE: I am a person that finds kids foster homes.

SAGAL: Oh, you do?

O’TOOLE: Yes.

SAGAL: Well, that's an important thing to be doing. Welcome to the show, Autumn. Chioke I’Anson right here is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

O’TOOLE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CHIOKE I’ANSON: Though hotel guests say grody and nope, on handwashing day, we give hope. We take slightly used bars, remove hairs, burnish scars, and, voila, we're recycling old...

O’TOOLE: Soap.

SAGAL: Yes, soap.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Hilton announced this week their new eco-friendly business practice - recycling soap. Here's how it works. They collect all the partially used soaps from their hotel rooms. Then bars of soap are made out of these previous guests' privates - I mean, soap.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Soap. And I should mention the new soap is sanitized before it's formed into new bars. Unfortunately, they clean it by rubbing it with another used bar of soap.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hilton hopes to produce one million bars of recycled soap by October 15, which is Global Handwashing Day.

ADAM BURKE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Anybody else worried we're just setting aside one day a year to wash our hands?

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Let's go back to the good old days when soap was made out of the guts of a whale.

SAGAL: There you go. Here is your next limerick.

I’ANSON: Though space flight is meant to inspire us, one side effect's less than desirous. Low gravity scares up a herpes 2 flare-up 'cause space flight will wake up a...

O’TOOLE: Virus.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A virus.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Astronauts are reporting weird and surprising flare-ups of herpes in space. That's right - space herpes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So we finally understand the Red Spot on Jupiter. Apparently...

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: And those rings.

SAGAL: Oh, my God.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, there's something about space travel that causes dormant viruses to resurge, right? So, all of a sudden, the astronauts reporting outbreaks. You've got to feel for Houston. They're getting calls from astronauts like, Houston, I have a problem, and...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...You might want to get checked out, too.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I hope we don't end up recycling their soap.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Space hotels are disgusting.

SAGAL: That's absolutely true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

I’ANSON: I don't know which way high fashion leans. For my pants' legs, I'll choose in-betweens. Get them skinny or wide? Oh, I just can't decide, so I'll get me some lopsided...

O’TOOLE: Jeans.

SAGAL: Yes, jeans.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The new hot thing in jeans - asymmetry. One leg is really tight, the other is loose and flowing. It's like one leg belongs to a skinny hipster. The other leg belongs to Barack Obama.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're perfect for anyone whose left leg has just been stung by a swarm of bees or for anyone who has some serious shoplifting plans. In any event, the designer says this is definitely an artistic choice and not the result of a massive manufacturing error at the factory.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Chioke, how did Autumn do on our quiz?

I’ANSON: She got them all right, a perfect score.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Autumn. Well done. Thank you so much for playing.

O’TOOLE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

Copyright © 2019 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.