Panel Questions There's Only So Many Fish In The Sea
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Panel Questions

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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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There's Only So Many Fish In The Sea

BILL KURTIS: As Ms. Lagarde found out, we're not like the rest of NPR. For example, you could listen all week to Steve Inskeep and never once hear a news story like this.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Helen, a new study shows that fish can potentially be what?

HELEN HONG: Delicious.

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We knew that. But that's not new scientific knowledge.

HONG: No, it's not. No, it's not. We've done that one.

SAGAL: Yeah.

HONG: Can I have a hint?

SAGAL: Yes. Well, some say the fishbowl is half-empty.

HONG: Depressed.

SAGAL: Close enough - pessimists.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

HONG: What?

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: What would you be?

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: God.

SAGAL: You're right. I mean, if you are a fish...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you're a fish, being a pessimist is just realism.

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #1: Well, in a bowl.

SAGAL: Things are not going to work out great for you if you're a fish.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Wait - how do they know this?

SAGAL: Well, this is what they did. They took these fish, and they allowed these fish to mate. But some of the females got to mate with their first choice of male, and some did not, right?

HONG: Oh.

SAGAL: Then they took those fish - the fish that had gotten lucky and the fish that couldn't - and they gave them an opportunity to explore places for food. Following along so far?

HONG: Uh-huh.

SAGAL: And it turns out that the fish that didn't get their preferred mate just weren't interested. They were, like...

HONG: What?

SAGAL: Oh, things don't work out. It's not going to be food. I don't care.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: What?

SAGAL: This is true.

HONG: Wait, so the...

SAGAL: And they just sat there, and they journaled.

(LAUGHTER)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON #2: Wait a minute. Did they start listening to Morrissey and things like that?

SAGAL: Yeah. Oh, yes.

HONG: Wait. Wait a minute.

SAGAL: In the worst cases, it was Elliott Smith. It was terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: So there's fish that got to hook up with the Brad Pitt of fish.

SAGAL: Right.

HONG: And they were, like, whee, food. And then there were fish that got to hook up with, like, the busted fish.

SAGAL: Right.

HONG: And they were, like, ugh, what's the point?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That is exactly the experiment.

HONG: This is my entire Tinder existence.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: This is - this explains so much.

SAGAL: This sounds sad, but remember - with all the prescription drugs that are now in the water supply...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: These fish are going to feel much better and have no problem getting an erection.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

SAGAL: When we come back, what do you do with a problem like Scunthorpe? And the greatest anchor ever meets the other greatest anchor ever - so many anchors we'll never move again. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

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