Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "The Soul of Soul Cycle," "Fragile Environmentalists," and "Optimus Amazon Prime."
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: "The Soul of Soul Cycle," "Fragile Environmentalists," and "Optimus Amazon Prime."

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. You wait here. I'm going to slip into something more comforta-Bill (ph).

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: I'm Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much. We're very excited about this week's show because later on, we're going to be joined by the man who is genuinely too nice to be in the entertainment industry. That's the actor Henry Winkler.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: I know. But first, you know, it was one of those weeks where it was a little hard to find anything good in the week's news. But we are going to do our best. We are, however, going to have a moment of silence during the show. Actually, if our jokes get the usual response, we'll have a fair number of them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But please don't you be silent. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

THERESA MITCHELL: Hi, Peter. It's Theresa Mitchell from Kingston, Ontario...

SAGAL: Hey.

MITCHELL: ...Canada.

SAGAL: Oh, an international caller. That's very exciting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tell me how - because I like to imagine that we have listeners in exotic places. Tell me how exotic Kingston, Ontario is.

MITCHELL: Well, we're located on the north shore of Lake Ontario. We're two hours from Ottawa, three hours from Montreal, two and a half to Toronto and three to Syracuse.

HELEN HONG: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I think the only thing I can say is, ooh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Theresa. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a comedian who'll be performing at the McGlohon Theater in Charlotte, N.C., on September 26. It's Hari Kondabolu.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Next, a comedian performing at Yuk Yuk's in Vancouver, Canada September 6 and 7 and host of the trivia podcast "Go Fact Yourself" on the Maximum Fun network. It's Helen Hong.

HONG: Hi.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: And a comedian you can see at the Side Splitters Comedy Club in Tampa August 15 through the 18 - it's Alonzo Bodden.

(CHEERING)

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello, Theresa.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Theresa. You're going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three quotes from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize - any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to play?

MITCHELL: I sure am.

SAGAL: Your first quote is from the website Jezebel about a protest in the fitness world.

KURTIS: They're taking their mesh panel leggings elsewhere.

SAGAL: They're talking about people who are ditching SoulCycle and Equinox because it turns out the owner has deep ties with whom?

MITCHELL: Oh, my gosh.

(LAUGHTER)

MITCHELL: You're really pulling it.

SAGAL: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who is someone who the kind of people who might go to SoulCycle and Equinox would not like to a great extent?

MITCHELL: Your president.

SAGAL: That's the guy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: I see you've heard about him there in your...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...In your distant foreign land. Word has traveled. The coastal elites knew this day would come. Oh, yes, they wore their pink hats. They tweeted out the most cutting memes. But this was the week the resistance got real, and people had to sacrifice something that mattered - their front-row bike at the 3 p.m. spin class on hip-hop Wednesday.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Washington Post reported that Steven Ross, the billionaire who owns both SoulCycle and the Equinox gym chain, was throwing this big fundraiser for Donald Trump at his mansion in the Hamptons for up to $250,000 a person, which by coincidence is exactly the cost of a year's membership at Equinox.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Frankly, we should have known it was a right-wing organization. The full name is Separate But Equinox.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: SoulCycle was originally Triumph of the Wheel. But anyway...

HARI KONDABOLU: That's...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Not so good.

KONDABOLU: ...Deeper cut than...

SAGAL: Yeah, I know. I know.

KONDABOLU: I was just about to sign up and everything.

SAGAL: Really? You were.

KONDABOLU: Of course not, no.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Being in shape would ruin my whole comedy thing.

SAGAL: That's true.

HONG: I myself was so enraged that I marched to my gym membership card to check what gym it actually was.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Turns out not Equinox, so I'm good.

SAGAL: You're all right.

HONG: I'm safe.

SAGAL: You're all right.

HONG: Yeah.

SAGAL: Apparently, this is very - this gym chain, especially Equinox, is very popular with celebrities, so many of them...

BODDEN: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: ...Got upset.

BODDEN: It's big. It's a huge thing with celebrities. And SoulCycle - I mean, you had to know somebody to get into SoulCycle.

HONG: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: You don't just show up at SoulCycle.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You need a recommendation.

BODDEN: You've got to know somebody - like, excuse me, you pedal down the street. They would actually have real bicycles for you to pedal away from...

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: God, if this was Shake Shack, I'd be devastated.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Here is your next quote.

KURTIS: Sort your paper from your plastic - maybe even trying kissing a man while you're at it.

SAGAL: That was GQ commenting on a new study that says some men are afraid that doing what might make them look gay?

MITCHELL: Sort your paper...

SAGAL: From...

MITCHELL: ...Your plastic.

SAGAL: Which is something you do when you're trying to do what?

MITCHELL: When you're recycling.

SAGAL: Exactly right - recycling.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The same week that the U.N. released an apocalyptic report about the effect of climate change, we also learn that a lot of men don't like recycling because it's kind of gay.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: An article in the journal Sex Roles - that's R-O-L-E-S. It's not about those croissants that you get that sometimes look like a butt.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anyway, this journal article says that many men feel that recycling or other kind of green activities is emasculating or feminizing, so they won't do it, right? That's why you always see guys trying to kick aluminum cans into the garbage can with their crotches.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Men.

SAGAL: So, for example...

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Get it together, men.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: Oh, no, no. No. No. Stop. Stop right - because that - OK. As men, we're guilty of a lot of things. But this one you can't put on all of us.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: This - like, I hang out with guys who are pretty bad. But I don't know any guy who's, like, man, if you saved that aluminum can...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: You can't even hang out here anymore. I wouldn't...

HONG: Please...

BODDEN: This study was in GQ...

SAGAL: No...

BODDEN: ...Right?

SAGAL: GQ was writing about it. The study was...

BODDEN: GQ was writing about it.

SAGAL: ...Published in a journal.

BODDEN: I would think more men would think you were gay for reading GQ.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: Like, that's more - he reads GQ? Like, you're better off recycling GQ.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: On the man scale, if a man - I'd just recycle GQ. They're, like, you all right. You all right.

SAGAL: Theresa, you're doing very, very well for an exotic foreigner.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But, Theresa, here is your last quote.

KURTIS: Can it walk my dogs?

SAGAL: That was one Californian's reaction to seeing Amazon's new what delivering packages on the street this very week?

MITCHELL: Robots.

SAGAL: Yes, robots.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They're here.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You knew this day would come. Amazon has introduced its first delivery robots to the streets of Seattle and Southern California. The delivery robots, called Scouts, look like motorized beer coolers with six wheels and machine guns you don't see until it's too late.

(LAUGHTER)

KONDABOLU: Hasn't anyone, like, read or seen science fiction? This isn't going to end well.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: Nope.

KONDABOLU: It's, like, really? Let's - you know what we should do? We should bring dinosaurs back and make a theme park.

SAGAL: That'll work.

KONDABOLU: What's the worst that could happen?

SAGAL: It is very reminiscent of the movie "WALL-E" if you really want to get a sense of...

HONG: Oh, but "WALL-E" was adorable.

SAGAL: That's true. But...

BODDEN: That's how they get you.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: I can't speak for Seattle, but I live in LA, and I think these things - people are going to treat them like they do those electric Bird scooters...

SAGAL: Oh, yes.

BODDEN: ...And stuff where it's going to be, just think - how can I destroy this?

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Like, it's going to be a whole Instagram thing of, here I am destroying the Amazon robot.

HONG: Wait. Where - are they in LA?

SAGAL: They're not in LA. They're in Orange County at this point.

HONG: Oh.

SAGAL: Yeah, sorry.

HONG: Let's go steal one, Alonzo.

BODDEN: Oh, yeah. I'm going to go steal things in Orange County.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: Good point. Good point.

BODDEN: Only...

HONG: Good point.

BODDEN: Not - Helen, not only would I not want to be a black guy stealing robots in Orange County. I wouldn't want to be a black guy in jail for stealing robots.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: That's a lose-lose...

HONG: You know what?

BODDEN: ...To be a robot thief.

SAGAL: Bill, how did Theresa do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Theresa did very well. She got all three right.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Theresa.

(APPLAUSE)

MITCHELL: Bye. Thanks, everyone.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF DEVO SONG, "JOCKO HOMO")

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