PETER SAGAL, HOST:
If you think you've had a rough quarantine, our panelists had to answer questions without audiences cheering them on. Here's how they did.
Helen, British wildlife experts are reporting on one positive outcome of the lockdown. Without humans around, hedgehogs are doing what again?
HELEN HONG: It.
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SAGAL: They're doing it.
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SAGAL: And they're doing it very loudly, Helen.
SAGAL: That's the thing. It's not just those pandas in that zoo that are enjoying the, you know, privacy of lockdown. According to wildlife experts, hedgehogs are spending a lot more time getting busy. This increase in mating comes at the expense of their other hobby, getting hit by cars. With no humans to bother them, they're also doing it very loudly. As one expert put it, there's, quote, "even more huffing than usual."
HONG: Wait. Do we have any idea what hedgehog sex sounds like?
SAGAL: I myself do not know.
MO ROCCA: Well, wasn't that the whole point of Sonic the Hedgehog?
SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.
HONG: I know what I'm Googling immediately after this call.
SAGAL: It's good that hedgehogs have more time now. Before, there were a lot of unsatisfied hedgehogs going, wow, Sonic; you are quick.
ROCCA: I like a hedgehog that will just sort of lead beyond. That's more of an edge-hog.
HONG: Mo, you're on a naughty roll. You're on a naughty roll.
BILL KURTIS: (Laughter).
SAGAL: Mo, new research into dolphin behavior shows that male dolphins will do what in order to attract a mate?
ROCCA: They'll - to attract a mate - can you give me a clue?
SAGAL: All right. I'll do my best. Here we go. It sounds like do, re, hee, hee, hee (ph).
ROCCA: Oh, they'll sing. Adult males...
SAGAL: They'll sing.
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SAGAL: Not only do they sing, but male dolphins will get together with some of their bro friends...
ROCCA: In a barbershop quartet.
SAGAL: Yes, exactly right, Mo. They sing a cappella to try to impress the chicks. This is terrible news for people who love dolphins because it means the creatures you thought were intelligent and gentle are actually Yale undergraduates.
ROCCA: (Singing) I only have fins for you.
ROCCA: Wait. They don't have fins. What do dolphins have?
SAGAL: They have fins. They have...
SAGAL: Dolphins have fins.
ALONZO BODDEN: They have fins.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: I would say it should be aqua-pella (ph).
ROCCA: Oh, that's nice.
ROBERTS: Because it was - yeah - 'cause it...
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ROBERTS: Never mind (laughter).
SAGAL: Roxanne, could you mute yourself, please?
BODDEN: So how did they decide - if four dolphins formed a quartet, how do they decide which dolphin gets the girl?
SAGAL: Apparently, this is a very cooperative thing that one of them will be sort of the principal suitor, and he'll get the others to help him. So basically, dolphins have wingmen or fin-men, which is a dumb thing to say, but it's also the name of their a cappella singing group.
ROCCA: And, guys, remember; there are plenty of fish in the sea.
ROCCA: Fish got to swim.
ROBERTS: But dolphins aren't fish, are they?
ROCCA: No, they're not. They're mammals, right?
SAGAL: But they eat fish. They eat fish.
ROCCA: (Singing) Mammal Mia, Mammal Mia - here I go again.
ROCCA: (Singing) My, my.
Any more mammal songs?
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