Ode To The Internet Surliness Providers : All Tech Considered In any service industry, your freedom to cop an attitude is directly related to your ability to deliver great product.
NPR logo Ode To The Internet Surliness Providers

Ode To The Internet Surliness Providers

The art of saying what you mean: logo for the fansub site Dattebayo. hide caption

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If the Internet is one huge village, then I feel compelled to find the neighborhood that speaks to me — even if some people there say things like, "What the hell are you looking at? Mind your own damn business!"

Need an example? Try this on for size:

Greeting, loyal minions.
Anyone inquiring about the movies via our contact form will, of course, be banned, usually by our automated idiot-removal system.

That's from one of the Web's best places to go to be put in your place: Dattebayo. It's a "fansub" site — that is, they translate a handful of Japanese anime shows into English, and post torrent links. They also brook no BS.

Here, for instance, is their response to anyone wondering if the popular show Narutois licensed:

Yes, it is. As of February 19, 2005. Now you heard it. If you ask this question in the channel, the contact page, or anywhere else we can track you down, you will be BANNED immediately.

As I said, powerful stuff. But I'm mainly interested in Bleach, the show about an orange-haired student who travels between the real world and the spirit world to vanquish violent murderers and nasty monsters. (What can I say? It was a long winter.)

Looking at different streaming sites, I noticed that the Dattebayo versions were better.

For starters, their subtitling style is the best I've found — it's a lively mix of street slang and made-up words that feel true to the show's vibe. Dattebayo's subtitled episodes go up within 20 hours of airing on Japanese TV and their HD movies are absolutely beautiful.

Like a bike shop run by mechanics, Dattebayo doesn't give a tinker's damn about being everything to everybody. Instead, these guys try extremely hard to please a very small group and to please the living heck out of them.

Just don't write in to ask them when something will be going up. That's enough to get you either: a) warned; b) banned; or c) your IP address printed on a wall of shame.

Here's an excerpt of their so-ornery-it's-comical FAQ page:

  • Where can I donate? I don't see a donation button.

  • You can't. DB doesn't accept donations.
  • How do I register/become a member?

  • You can't do that either. The downloads are available for free and no registration is required.
  • Can I help serve/seed/provide a bot?

  • Do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't involve spam in the channel or bother operators. Also, asking the ops if "you can seed" will likely get you banned. You don't need our permission to seed. Download the torrent and have at it. If it takes you more than few hours to download our releases, your "seeding" ability is probably not worth wasting our valuable time on.

In any service industry, your freedom to cop an attitude is directly related to your ability to deliver great product. I'd say the Dattebayo team is doing both.

Now I'm wondering: Does anybody else know a site or two that can hang with these guys in terms of sheer non-suffering of fools?