Gifts (Not) To Buy For The Classical Fans In Your Life

From the seller's own description, which we can't possibly top: "Add a touch of lyricism to your loo with our fabulous Violin Lavatory Seat. This is not only great fun to look at, it is so wide and comfortable to sit on that getting people to vacate the bathroom may be difficult!"

Is it a pen holder? A toy? Who knows? But if your Uncle Dave, the busy executive (whom you really don't like) hated "the machine" that the Met built at huge expense for its latest iteration of Wagner's Ring cycle, give him a lasting memento, writ small. We wonder: do its tiny gears grind just as loudly as the original's? And if you perched a doll on it for a pretend Siegfried, would the doll slide right off?

Ah, teddy bears. They evoke such sweet innocence and cuddly wholesomeness. So give your littlest treasure a teddy that plays and jerks around to Violetta's aria "Sempre Libera" from La Traviata. Because what better snuggle friend could there be for a small child than a dying prosti — oh, wait. Never mind.

Perhaps we're just not the right audience for this, but why would anyone want this two-person china set embossed with wee violins and the signature of the Dutch "waltz king"? Do pairs of people sit around nibbling petit fours, sipping Constant Comment and listening to Rieu play "My Heart Will Go On"?

Isn't an icily glaring Richard W., just waiting for the opportunity to crack a good walnut or two, just what every child dreams of? It's the stuff of unbelievably long and loud ballets.

Jealousy, politics, torture, betrayal, murder and suicide: carry these themes close at all times with this Tosca-inspired charm bracelet. It comes complete with candlesticks, crucifix and a wee knife for Scarpia's stabbing.