European Union Wiz Me: A Show Tune About The Euro
Germany and France spent decades at each others' throats. Now, bound by a common currency, they're working together to save the euro zone. It's a story that's begging for a musical number — which, as it happens, we have right here.
For more, listen to our latest podcast: "France And Germany, A Love Story."
European Union Wiz Me
Lyrics by Art Perlman, Music by Jeff Lunden
France
Germany, Oh Germany
Germany
Auf wiedersehen, dear France
France
We've had a stormy history
But times have changed so dance wiz me...
Germany
(Stiffly) Like — zis...?
France
(Seductively) Like zis...!
Sometimes we disagree
As many countries so often do
Germany
First you invaded me
Zen, darling, I invaded you
France
You naughty boy you tried
To keep me occupied, mais oui
But relations would be warma'
If you snuggle up and form a
European Union wiz me
Germany
I luff your perfume
France
Your GDP
Both
A european union
Wiz/vith me!
France
Isn't this merveilleus?
Germany
Ja!
France
But, mon amour, I was thinking... maybe we should invite some others to join us...
Germany
Oh h'oh, you mean like a menage a trois?
France
Somezing like zat.
Oh, let's invite ze Dutch
Just picture tulips right next to mine
Germany
Zat's gouda nuff for me!
France
And for a sweeter touch
Some Belgian chocolate will do just fine
Germany
Yum-yum...
France
And, dear, I must admit
Zat I am crazy for Italy
Germany
Vell, I don't know...
France
Greeks are very entertainin'
Greece
Hellllllooooooo!
France
We'll need Portugal and Spain in
European Union wiz me!
All
Let's form committees
Then we'll discuss (how we endlessly discuss)
A European Union with us!
Eastern Europeans
And us!
France
Look, darling: ze Eastern Europeans... Here's Poland — awkward...
Germany
(As they greet him enthusiastically) ja, ja, hello, hello....
France
But you know what else we need, my pet?
Germany
(Wary) What?
France
We need a currency
So that we truly are intertwined
So each economy
Will eventually be combined
Germany
You cannot mean to say
Zat you would take away — ze mark?
France
Oui.
Germany
But - but ze mark is a symbol of all zat is Deutschland über alles...
France
Exactement! We cannot truly be a union if we are not tied together — financially.
Germany
And vhat vould ve call zis currency?
All
It's called the euro
It's safe and strong (very safe and very strong!)
It's so secure oh what could go wrong?
Greece
Hoopa!
So raise a glass of ouzo
Play a tune on the bouzouki
And my friend let's toast the euro
Though the name is kind of kooky
Don't you worry my economy is weak
I am scenic and I'm terribly antique
I am Zorba the exorbitant Greek!
Others
We love the euro...
Ireland
Make way for the Celtic tiger: grrrrr!
Others
We'll make it pay (let's hear it: hip hooray!)
Others
The European Union: ole!
Ireland
Here's a great investment, one word: Iceland!
France
More wine!
Greece
More euros!
Ouch...
Ireland
Oh, me head...
France
Mon dieu...
Germany
Now look vat you haf done! Everyzing is a mess. Get out, all of you: Out!
France
But, darling, we can't kick zem out!
Germany
Vhy not?
France
We're all connected, politically, militarily and... financially. You agreed.
Germany
Yes, Greece — vhat do you vant...?
Greece
I need a loan, old salt
Don't want investors to lose to lose their trust
Germany
You must cut your spending...
Greece
Because if I default
Then all of us will soon go bust
Germany
Be responsible, like me...
Greece
Although I've tried to stall
Looks like my payments have all come due
Germany
Zis is not for me to solve...
Greece
And if I should take a tumble
Then the continent will crumble
All
Everyone is counting on you
You've got the money
We've got the debt (Oh yes, we've got a lot of debt!)
And do we need a bailout — you bet
Germany
Zat's it, I've had enough
Looks like it's time now for me to leave...
France
Oh?
Germany
Vhy is ze door locked? You must let me out.
France
Dear when the times are tough
It's better to give zan to receive
Germany
You know this isn't fair!
France
But you agreed to share, Cheri
Others
We're out of funds, you're out of luck (let me out, let me out!)
Face the fact that you are stuck
In European Union with me
And me
And me
And me
And me
Others
So fun to be in
So don't you fuss
A European Union with us
Germany
Ach du lieber!
All
A European Union with us!!!!!!
***
See the score here.
Credits:
Christina Bianco - France, others
Jared Bradshaw - Germany, others
Michael West - Greece, others
David Caldwell - piano
Scott Lehrer - engineer
Recorded at 2nd Story Sound