This is Snooki. Her show, Jersey Shore, returns tonight to MTV.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8:00 p.m.) inevitably explores the world of the smart phone app as Leonard and Sheldon experience yet another rift in their friendship over that very thing.
Meanwhile, Fox's Million Dollar Money Drop (8:00 p.m.) keeps on rolling along, dropping money and multiple-choice questions as far as the eye can see.
But, of course, the most important thing coming to television tonight is the return of Wipeout, which is miraculously appearing in the winter for once. Well, thank goodness.
What does CBS's Bleep My Dad Says (8:30 p.m.) really need? A reference in the episode description to "baby-making." Because, obviously.
On the new CSI (CBS, 9:00 p.m.) — I give you my word this is the truth — "Carrot Top guest stars as himself."
Tonight's Grey's Anatomy (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) brings the staff right back to its bad memories of last season's gunman, in an episode that includes appearances by Scott Foley (hey, from Felicity!) and Peter MacNicol.
The season premiere of Ace Of Cakes (Food Network, 10:00 p.m.) takes the team to the U.S. Open.
And it falls to me to tell you that Jersey Shore (10:00 p.m., MTV) is back for another season. Hey, I'm not the one who renewed it.
At 10:30 p.m., Discovery has a show called Oddities: Teeth On A Stick. I have absolutely no idea what this is, and I am not about to go find out.