Carl Kasell's Must See TV Carl reads descriptions of three new TV shows based on actual events from the week's news. First up, it's the environmental program everyone's talking about, Top Kill!; next, it's a sitcom about whacky neighbors; and finally, a reality show featuring You!
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Carl Kasell's Must See TV

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Carl Kasell's Must See TV

Carl Kasell's Must See TV

Carl Kasell's Must See TV

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Carl reads descriptions of three new TV shows based on actual events from the week's news. First up, it's the environmental program everyone's talking about, Top Kill!; next, it's a sitcom about whacky neighbors; and finally, a reality show featuring You!

CARL KASELL, Host:

From NPR and Chicago Public Radio, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, Host:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. It's great to be with you today. We've got a great show. Soul and blues superstar Bettye LaVette will be joining us later to play our game. But first, there's some amazing news this week. Very proud. Carl Kasell right here, nominated for the Radio Hall of Fame this week. Along with...

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This is very exciting and much deserved. Among his fellow nominees one Howard Stern.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I believe he works in satellite radio. This is fitting because, of course, this is not well known. Carl Kasell here taught Howard Stern all that he knows. Carl was interviewing strippers back before Howard was born. In fact, Carl has been doing that work so long, the adult film stars he had on as guests back in the day, they were silent adult film stars.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's hard to mime dirty, but they could do it.

KASELL: They could do it. They were very good at that.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah. So if you want to get a voice of a possible Radio Hall of Fame member on your voicemail or answering machine, you know what to do. Give us a call. The number, 1-888-WAIT WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

CAMILLE MAYOUX: Hi, this is Camille Mayoux from Washington, D.C.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in beautiful Washington.

MAYOUX: Oh, they're hot.

SAGAL: They're hot?

MAYOUX: Yes.

SAGAL: And you don't mean sexy, you mean hot.

MAYOUX: Oh, a little of both, a little of both.

SAGAL: Really?

MAYOUX: Yes.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show. Camille, let me introduce you to our panel. First up, say hello to a writer for the Boston Globe magazine and author of the new book "Idiot America," coming soon in paperback, Mr. Charlie Pierce.

MAYOUX: Hi, Charlie.

CHARLIE PIERCE: Hi, Camille.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, it's one of the women behind the Washington Post's "Reliable Source" column, Ms. Roxanne Roberts.

MAYOUX: Hi, Roxanne.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hello.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Finally, it's a television personality and a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning," Mr. Mo Rocca is here.

MAYOUX: Hello, Mo.

MO ROCCA: Hi, Camille.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: What do you think is Washington, D.C.'s sexiest monument?

MAYOUX: Oh, it's the Washington Monument.

ROCCA: I thought so.

MAYOUX: Definitely.

SAGAL: That's kind of a no-brainer, isn't it?

MAYOUX: I do like the Jefferson Memorial.

SAGAL: Yeah.

MAYOUX: Don't tell anybody. It's a little thing we have going together.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: You have a lot of little things going if you're...

PIERCE: So does Jefferson for that matter.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: Oh, come on, it's not too soon.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Camille, Camille, Camille, Camille, welcome to the show. Now we have asked you to start us off with a new game that we are calling?

KASELL: Carl Kasell's must-see TV.

SAGAL: America is, of course, in mourning as the TV series "Lost" and "24" and "Law and Order" all came to an end. But not to worry, today Carl Kasell is going to introduce you all to three new exciting TV shows inspired, as they say, by true events. Your job, tell us what inspired these fake TV shows two times out of three. Do that, you'll win our prize. Ready to go?

MAYOUX: Ready.

SAGAL: All right, Carl, press the on button on your remote.

KASELL: Coming this fall, Will Smith stars as the detached but concerned president, with Jason Alexander as the frightened sea turtle. Nothing could destroy it, not explosives, not a dome, not putting it on after Jay Leno. Now America, get ready for "Top Kill."

SAGAL: So this new TV show would be about what?

KASELL: The oil spill in the Gulf.

SAGAL: Yes, the oil spill, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: After numerous failed attempts to stop the oil leak, this week BP decided to try something that may or may not work but definitely sounds awesome, top kill. The idea is that they plug the oil well by pumping mud down into it. But if you stop up the gushing oil, won't like the earth swell up and then explode?

President Obama went down to the Gulf to say that his administration has been fully in charge throughout the five week disaster. Good on them. Isn't that a little like claiming you were closely and continually involved in the production of "Sex in the City 2"?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: That's kind of a mean junk shot, don't you think?

SAGAL: It is.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: This has given us so much new jargon - top kills and junk shots and there's others aren't there?

ROBERTS: Well the other one that I think is so weird is the blowout preventer.

SAGAL: Yes.

ROCCA: Oh, I love a blowout preventer.

ROBERTS: Don't you think it's all a little macho? You know, I...

SAGAL: Do you think it should be more sensitive? If they were more understanding of the oil well blowout, it would be...

ROBERTS: No, no, no, no.

PIERCE: Steel magnolias kill, I mean...

ROBERTS: No, no.

PIERCE: ...places in the heart kill. I mean...

ROBERTS: No, my point is, gentlemen...

SAGAL: Yes.

ROBERTS: ...is that you have all of these macho names for things that don't work.

SAGAL: Oh really?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Did you guys watch Obama's press conference on Thursday? It had a great little personal moment. Obama, the president said that in the mornings his daughter Malia comes knocking on his door and says, "Daddy, did you plug the hole yet?"

ROCCA: Oh, gosh...

SAGAL: To which the president responds, Jesus, who died and made you FOX News?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Leave me alone and don't tell mama you caught me smoking again, okay?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Honestly. Carl, what is next in your primetime lineup?

KASELL: It's a zany comedy about two neighbors who only seem to agree on their love for Kim Chi. Hilarity ensues when a game of Battleship gets out of hand. It's got the ticking nukes of "24" with the intrigue of "Melrose Place." But watch out, it's not just the jokes that bomb.

SAGAL: That's the TV show about a revival of tension where?

MAYOUX: Between North and South Korea.

SAGAL: You're right, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Koreas.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good. So you might think that you're a good parent, but what have you done for your son? Crazy North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il torpedoed a South Korean warship just to create an international crisis, so his son Kim Jong-un could rise to be the North's great military protector. At least that's what many are suggesting is behind the incident.

In the meantime, though, everybody's mad. South Korea declared North Korea to be their, quote "archenemy," which is a big change from the prior designation frenemy.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or as some people put it, given their limited cultural and economic exchanges, enemies with benefits.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: It's almost sort of sweet that he did it for his son though. I mean...

SAGAL: Yeah. You know...

ROCCA: What you won't do for your kids.

SAGAL: I have done a lot of things for my kids. I have coached their T-ball teams. I've bought them guitar lessons.

ROBERTS: Have you taken out a neighbor?

SAGAL: No, I haven't. And you know it's going to happen; they're going to resent me for it. Carl, what's the last TV series?

KASELL: Peter, it's a reality show you didn't know you were on, starring you, the photo of you passed out on the toilet and all your mundane status updates. It's the most entertaining reason why you'll never be able to run for office, get a job, or show your face in public.

SAGAL: So that would be a TV show based on all the unwanted exposure people are getting, thanks to the lack of privacy on what?

MAYOUX: Facebook.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good, Facebook. The...

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...social networking site this week announced new privacy protections for their millions of users who innocently posted their photos and personal messages thinking it was just for their friends. And the next thing you know, it all went public and they had to resign their Senate seats.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The new privacy settings will let users instantly and easily protect themselves from strangers. This means pictures of the crazy night at Sigma Delta will only be seen by your 1,500 close friends and anybody they know, and anybody they know, until eventually somebody sends you a hilarious video of a nude guy vomiting into a flower pot. And you laugh at it for a good five minutes before you realize it's you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, he's defending this and saying there's no danger. But he was on record, apparently somebody found a tape of him early on, saying that the people who would put private information on Facebook were stupid. He did not call them stupid. He used a term I cannot repeat on the radio. So in his honor, we're going to name such people Zuckers.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: As in, you thought that wouldn't get out, you zucker. Carl, how did Camille do on our quiz?

KASELL: Camille did fine, Peter. Camille, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations.

MAYOUX: I top killed it.

SAGAL: Hey, you did, you top killed our quiz.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. Bye-bye.

MAYOUX: Thank you.

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