Food Expert Michael Pollan Plays 'Not My Job' Author Michael Pollan stops by to play a game called "Honest to goodness, if I had one of these in my home, I'd never leave the bathroom." Three questions about high tech toilets from Japan.

Food Expert Michael Pollan Plays 'Not My Job'

Food Expert Michael Pollan Plays 'Not My Job'

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Michael Pollan
Alia Malley/Penguin Group

Author Michael Pollan stops by to play a game called "Honest to goodness, if I had one of these in my home, I'd never leave the bathroom." Three questions about high tech toilets from Japan.

(Also, he learns why you do not come between Paula Poundstone and her Ring Dings.)

Originally broadcast in February 2009.


Writer Michael Pollan has become a kind of evangelist of the natural, whole foods movement. Apparently, many of you have dreamed of telling him off - because you wanted to hear Paula Poundstone doing just that.


Pollan joined us in February of 2009 to play "Not My Job." The other panelists were Tom Bodett and Mo Rocca.

SAGAL: Pollan began the feud when he tried to describe our dysfunctional relationship with what we eat.

M: We're very confused about food, I think, which - you know, which is weird. I mean, what other species needs experts to tell them how to eat?


M: Well...

M: But it's been a good career for me.

SAGAL: I know.

M: It's worked out.

M: I can't tell you how many times I've had to tell my dog to get his head out of the garbage can. So...


SAGAL: So, all right, so what should we be eating?

M: Food. But it's very hard, actually, for us now to know what food is because there are all these edible, food-like substances now that compete with food in the supermarket. So a lot of the book is helping people distinguish between the edible, food-like substances and...

SAGAL: Right.

M: ...and the real...

SAGAL: Like, for example, one of my rules is food does not come with a prize.

M: That's good. I'm going to use that one.

SAGAL: You see?

M: Wait, wait, Cracker Jacks do, though. I don't understand. What?


M: Okay, but let me ask you something. One of the things that has made my life worth living is Ring Dings. And I feel that it is food. Are you going to tell me that's not food?

M: There's a few simple tests to figure out if a Ring Ding is food or not. How many ingredients does a Ring Ding have?

M: Devil's food cake, one.


M: Now, see, right there.

M: A creamy filling, two.

M: Yeah.

M: And a rich, chocolate, outer coating. What's the matter with you?


M: I think I would look at the package next time. That creamy is not cream. It...

M: C-R-E-M-E-Y, cremey.

M: Creamy.


M: What the hell's the matter with you?


M: But, but, but, but, there are, you know, there are special-occasion foods. And a Ring Ding...

M: What do you mean, special occasion? I said it's what makes my life worth living.


M: Are you suggesting I save it for one day a year?


M: I wouldn't want to deprive you of your...

SAGAL: Well, wait a minute.

M: You know what? You may know a lot about food, but you don't know the first thing about living, buddy.


SAGAL: Hold on. I actually wanted to ask you that. You've become this hero of the whole foods, local foods, real foods movement. Is that a burden to you? I mean, if you ever want to eat a cheeseburger, do you have to go hide somewhere?

M: Well I did, shortly after I got to Berkeley, I was in Berkeley Bowl, and there are a lot of...


SAGAL: Berkeley Bowl, just for people who aren't...

M: What is it?

SAGAL: ...blessed enough to live here...

M: It's a local supermarket which has wonderful fresh produce, grass- fed beef. It's your idea of hell, I think.

M: Oh, my God. Wait, is it a co-op?

M: It's not a co-op, no, no, no. And my son, when he was young, really liked Fruity Pebbles.

M: I'll bet he did.

M: I love those.

M: And that was his Saturday, you know, breakfast. And I was actually reaching for a box of Fruity Pebbles, and somebody tapped on my shoulder. And it was this tall, bearded graduate student, and he said - and I'm like this; he said: I'm watching Michael Pollan shop for groceries.


M: And I didn't go in that store again for many, many months. Another rule is, don't eat any food that won't eventually rot. I had a Twinkie for two years. I owned a Twinkie that I...

M: Oh, you did not.

M: Really?

M: I did. I have it. I didn't bring it with me. I have it on my shelf in my office. And I would give it a squeeze every couple of weeks to see how it was doing.

M: Aww.

M: Like Mr. Whipple.

M: And...

M: That's not good for them.


M: You bruised your Twinkie.

M: Two years later, it was as soft and spongy as the day I bought it.

SAGAL: If you keep...

M: That's such...

M: But if you unwrap it - you didn't unwrap it.

M: I didn't unwrap it.

M: All right, okay, my problem: I try to teach my kids to eat healthy food, but you get a cantaloupe, and you don't know when it's going to come of age. You have no idea - that period between when it's like, hard as a rock to when it's smushy inside, is about 10 minutes.

SAGAL: Right. And Ring Dings...

M: And sometimes you got to wake the kids in the middle of the night because the cantaloupe's ready.


M: Your kid wanted Fruity Pebbles just so he could sleep.

SAGAL: Well, Michael Pollan, we have invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling...

KASELL: "Honest to Goodness, if I Had One of These in My Home, I Would Never Leave the Bathroom."

SAGAL: So you're an expert on food, what we put into our bodies.


SAGAL: And we were casting around for something you might not know anything about. And we eventually decided on the other end of the process. And nobody handles that better than the Japanese. We are going to ask you now three multiple-choice questions about the latest, high-tech, electronic, Japanese super toilets. Get two such questions right, you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Carl, who is author Michael Pollan playing for?

KASELL: He is playing for Linda DeSantos(ph) of Berkeley, California.

SAGAL: All right.


SAGAL: Here's your first question. Leading Japanese high-tech toilet manufacturer Toto Corporation offered free repairs to one model after some of that model were found to do what? A, burst into flames...


SAGAL: B, circulate water clockwise, in the shameful Southern Hemisphere fashion; or C, lower the motorized toilet seat back down too quickly, shocking and in some cases, trapping male users...


SAGAL: ...who were just taking a little bit too much time.

M: I'm going to go with C.

SAGAL: You're going to go with C, all of the sudden just, boom.

M: Ow.

SAGAL: That.


SAGAL: Well, you're right in that many of the toilets have motorized lids that go up and down by themselves. But in this case, the problem was they were bursting into flames.

M: Bursting into flames.

SAGAL: Yeah.


M: Wow.

M: Doesn't it depend on what you eat?



SAGAL: These toilets are highly mechanized and motorized, with lots of electronic components. And in this particular case, the bidet attachment was catching fire.

M: Yeah, but corn syrup can douse that.

SAGAL: Yeah. That's why it's important to have.


SAGAL: All right, we have two more questions for you. Here's your second one. Ready?

M: Are they all about toilets?

SAGAL: They are, in fact, all about Japanese super toilets.

M: Okay.

SAGAL: Many Japanese public restrooms, already equipped with futuristic toilets, have upgraded them further with a device called the Sound Princess. What does the Sound Princess do? A, it plays a coaxing, gentle female voice to help men get their business done, by encouraging them; B, it simulates the sound of water flushing to cover other bathroom noises; or C, it rates the strength of your urination by its sound, as a measure of prostate health.


M: I'm going to say B.

SAGAL: You're going to go for B. You're right.



SAGAL: It covers the sound. Japanese people, especially women, are reputed to be very embarrassed by bathroom noises. So these devices, the Sound Princesses, cover it up with whatever noise they choose. All right, this is exciting, one for two. You have one more question to go. Get this, you win.

They're not done, Japanese toilet engineers. Just recently, a model went on the market with what new feature? A, a massage attachment that will reach up and rub your shoulders as you use the device; B, a personalized mp3 player that will recognize you by your weight, and automatically play your favorite music.


SAGAL: Or C, a remote control to save you the trouble of having to turn slightly to use the control pad.

M: I'm going to go with C.

SAGAL: You're going to go with the remote control?

M: Yeah.

SAGAL: You're right.


M: Hey.

SAGAL: Hey, hey. A little remote control so you can, you know, operate its features. By the way, the remote control on the new model has a big button that's labeled in English "stop." And the reason is, is because Westerners in Japan have had a problem. They don't know how to deal with these toilets, and there's been incidents of people being trapped on them or spraying water all over the bathroom. So they want to make it easier for you guys to -

M: A panic button on your toilet remote.

SAGAL: Exactly.


M: You know, you've given me an idea for a sequel.

SAGAL: Really?

M: Yeah.

SAGAL: There you go.

M: This whole conversation.

SAGAL: That's great. I'm so glad to help. Carl, how did Michael Pollan do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well Michael had two correct answers, Peter, and that's good enough to win for Linda DeSantos.

SAGAL: Well done.


SAGAL: Michael Pollan is the author of numerous best-selling books, including "The Omnivore's Dilemma." His latest is "In Defense of Food." Michael Pollan, thank you so much for joining us. What a pleasure. Thank you so much.

M: Thank you. Thank you very much.

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