Imagining a Retirement Haven for Republicans
ALEX CHADWICK, host:
From pennant races to political races, five Republicans senators and a dozen House members have said they will not run again. Instead, they're going to retire to - where do retiring Republicans go?
Here's Brian Unger with today's Unger Report.
(Soundbite of music)
BRIAN UNGER: You've spent a career putting up with liberal Democrats across the aisle. Now that you're retiring, why tolerate them living across the street?
Introducing the new retirement community for retiring Republicans - Retirican Village, an all-Republican residential community made up of retired conservative senators, congressmen and women who know that growing old is scary enough; why do it surrounded by liberals?
Retirican Village is not just a gated community; it's a walled community fortified with it's own armed security force made up of retired Blackwater employees. They know how to protect freedom and our esteemed wealthy white people.
You've played enough politics with Democrats, so why play golf with them? Every activity, every program at Retirican Village is for retired Republicans only. You won't find a Democrat in your water aerobics class here. You'll never play Pinnacle with the progressive. The activities at Retirican Village are designed for lawmakers who never have to deal with Democrats again. There's Surge Scrabble in the Strom Thurmond Game Hall; the annual W.M.V. Easter Egg Hunt; the Log Cabin Martini Mixer and Larry Craig Men's Lounge; Bingo and Bombs in the Nixon Reading Room; and the Flag Lapel Pin Swap Meet in the Ronald Reagan Rec Center.
Retirican Village also offers lecture series and programs to keep Republican retirees engaged with their base - programs like Global Warming, the Loch Ness Monster of environmental causes; Clarence Thomas, White Like You; God and Immigrants, Building a Secure Christian Wall Around Your Heart; The Real Star Wars: Republicans are from Mars, Democrats are from Venus; and Intelligent Design: Creating the Perfect Kitchen. This is 100 percent privately financed retirement living. In fact, you won't find anyone on Medicare here, or people living on Social Security.
Retirican Village takes care of the people on Capitol Hill who've taken care of themselves. Experience leisure without the left. Live life right and retire Republican at Retirican Village.
And that is today's Unger Report. I'm Brian Unger.
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