Limericks Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Flirt Shirt, Deceptive Cadence, Brain Damage.
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Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Flirt Shirt, Deceptive Cadence, Brain Damage.

PETER SAGAL, HOST: Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the Contact Us link on our website There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in St. Louis. And also Tanglewood at the end of the summer.

You can also check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Dr. Ruth tells Mike and Ian how to solve a common problem in the bedroom. It's very sexy.



KAREN BALLARD: Hi, this is Karen Ballard from Royal Palm Beach, Florida.

HOST: Royal Palm Beach, Florida?

BALLARD: Royal Palm Beach...

HOST: Is that even more exclusive than Palm Beach, because this is Royal Palm Beach?

BALLARD: Yeah. No, we're south of North Palm Beach and north of South Palm Beach...


HOST: You're south of North Palm Beach. You're north of South Palm Beach.


HOST: Are you east of West Palm Beach?


HOST: Well, welcome to the show, Karen. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready for your first limerick?

BALLARD: I'm ready.

HOST: Here we go.

BILL KURTIS ANNOUNCER: I am out and I am ready to mingle. I see you and feel a strong tingle. What should I do? Should I pursue? I wish men would wear shirts that say...

BALLARD: Single.

HOST: Yes.



HOST: A company called Gutzy Gu-t-z-y is developing a line of T-shirts to let potential dates know you are on the prowl. The idea is other singles will see the Gutzy logo and know they've met someone as desperate as they are.


HOST: Once this idea gets out there, though, people signaling their availability and their desire on their shirts, be careful. When you put on a polo shirt, you don't want horses getting the wrong idea.


CHARLIE PIERCE: Gutzy? This sounds like a shirt for people with beer bellies.

HOST: Well, I know, but I think as you're being gutsy you're putting it out there.

PIERCE: Oh, oh, I see. Come holler at me.

HOST: Yeah.


HOST: In the animal world, I think they have, like, feathers or, like, fur difference.


HOST: Here is your next limerick.

ANNOUNCER: To help pick-up lines come to fruition, don't work on your smooth erudition. Bring an instrument case and their hearts start to race, because the ladies all love a...

BALLARD: Musician.

HOST: Right. Very good.


HOST: All right, guys, looking to score with the ladies? First, don't ever use the phrase, score with the ladies.


HOST: Second, grab a guitar. A new study says women find men holding musical instruments to be sexier. It says nothing about actually knowing how to play it, so get familiar with this line. Sure, I'll play you a song, in the morning.

BRIAN BABYLON: Hey, that's...


BABYLON: That's smart.


BABYLON: I'm just going to walk around with a lute all day.

HOST: Oh, that'll work, man.


HOST: Oh, why this? This is just my accordion.

BABYLON: Yup, no big deal.


BABYLON: That'll work. Because you think about it, Prince was sexy to women for a while, you know.

PIERCE: For a fair amount of time.

HOST: Yeah, but you think it was because he was always holding a guitar?

BABYLON: Have you seen - have you really seen what that dude looks like?

HOST: He's a very strange looking little man. Is that what you're implying?

BABYLON: Very beautiful strange little man.


HOST: And you think it was the guitar.

BABYLON: It was the music.

HOST: Yeah, well, the music helps.

BABYLON: It was the music.

HOST: He actually played the music, which I think people...

BABYLON: It wasn't those purple outfits. It was the music.




ANNOUNCER: We make love.


HOST: Yeah, Barry White.

BABYLON: There you go.

PIERCE: Yup, it doesn't matter.

HOST: Here - shake that off and here...


HOST: your last limerick.

ANNOUNCER: Those sweet spoonfuls are really exhausting. Still I eat them. Who cares what it's costing? If it helps make me fat. my brain says eat that. That's why I can't put down the...

BALLARD: Frosting.

HOST: Yes, very good.


HOST: A new study from some scientists at Yale says we will keep eating junk food until it's gone. We knew that. But what's new is that we will still do it even if we don't like how it tastes. There's one part of your brain that cares about taste and another part of your brain that wants precious, precious sugar. And that part always wins. Fortunately, the most important part of your brain is the part that stopped trying years ago.


BABYLON: You know that's so true, Peter.

HOST: It is.

BABYLON: You know, I can't stop. Every February 17th, I'll go to the drugstore and buy bags and bags of conversational powder hearts. And...

HOST: Those are the awfulest things.

BABYLON: I know, but I can't stop eating them until my mouth is painful.


HOST: Bill, how did Karen do on our quiz?

ANNOUNCER: Karen is terrific. She got all three right.

HOST: Whoa.


HOST: Awesome. Well done. Congratulations, Karen, and thanks for playing.



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