Get Ready for the State of the Union! Humorist Brian Unger presents a promotional announcement designed to get you excited for all the laughter and unfinished business in Bush's remaining term. Just remember — "everybody wants to be loved."
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Get Ready for the State of the Union!

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Get Ready for the State of the Union!

Get Ready for the State of the Union!

Get Ready for the State of the Union!

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Humorist Brian Unger presents a promotional announcement designed to get you excited for all the laughter and unfinished business in Bush's remaining term. Just remember — "everybody wants to be loved."

ALEX CHADWICK, host:

With so much media attention devoted to those who are running for the White House, how does the guy who's already there get any attention? Tonight is the State of the Union address, President Bush's last, and his press officers say don't expect any bold new programs.

That of course will not stop our humorist Brian Unger. Here is a suggested promotional spot from the Unger Report to help Mr. Bush lure viewers.

(Soundbite of song, "Goodbye")

President GEORGE W. BUSH: My job is the job to make decisions. I'm a decision - I mean, if the job description were what do you do, it's decision-maker.

BRIAN UNGER: For nearly eight years, he made you laugh.

President BUSH: And you're working hard to put food on your family.

UNGER: He made you cry.

President BUSH: Too many OBGYNs are unable to practice their love with women all across this country.

UNGER: He made you want to move to France, vote Democratic, drink to forget.

President BUSH: I really - not sure what you're talking about. I'll look into it. No, it's a...

UNGER: Or just bang your head on the table - many, many times.

President BUSH: I earned capital in the campaign, political capital, and now I intend to spend it.

UNGER: Tonight, don't miss this, the final moment.

President BUSH: Decision.

UNGER: His last time standing before Congress and the nation.

President BUSH: And I'm going to spend it.

(Soundbite of song "Goodbye")

Mr. RUSSELL HITCHCOCK (Air Supply): (Singing) You would never ask me why.

UNGER: Tonight, the man with the ultimate stimulus package bids a final farewell in a very special episode of the State of the Union address.

(Soundbite of song "Goodbye")

Mr. HITCHCOCK: (Singing) I would rather hurt myself.

President BUSH: And so in my State of the - my State of the Union, our State - my speech to the nation.

(Soundbite of song, "Goodbye")

Mr. HITCHCOCK: (Singing) There's nothing left to say but goodbye.

UNGER: Tonight, we remember the promises.

President BUSH: When it comes to health care, government has an obligation to care for the elderly, the disabled, and poor children, and we will meet those responsibilities.

UNGER: The laughter.

President BUSH: We need to expand health saving accounts.

UNGER: And the unfinished business that broke our hearts.

President BUSH: By 2030, spending for Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid alone will be almost 60 percent of the entire federal budget.

UNGER: Mr. President, what else is there left to say.

(Soundbite of song)

Mr. FRANK SINATRA (Singer): (Singing) I'll never forget you...

UNGER: Because this time he's not running for anything other than a place in history, and our hearts.

President BUSH: You know, everybody wants to be loved.

UNGER: A special State of the Union address you won't want to miss.

President BUSH: People often ask me, what are we seeing on TV?

UNGER: The State of the Union address everyone will be talking about.

President BUSH: It's decision maker.

UNGER: An all new special State of the Union. Then at eight, watch "Dance War" - Bruno vs. Carrie Ann.

(Soundbite of song, "Goodbye")

Mr. HITCHCOCK: (Singing) Goodbye.

UNGER: And that is today's Unger Report. God bless America. I'm Brian Unger.

CHADWICK: Gosh. Thank you, Brian.

Dear listeners, just send your letters directly to the NPR ombudsman. And in case you missed Brian's TV special, NPR's going to offer live coverage of the State of the Union address and the Democratic response beginning tonight at 9:00 Eastern, 6:00 Pacific.

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