A Grieving Brother Finds Solace In His Sister's 'Small Town' Philadelphia journalist and author Rod Dreher moved back to his hometown in Louisiana after his sister died there in 2010, and adopted the community she left behind. His experiences led to the book The Little Way of Ruthie Leming: A Southern Girl, a Small Town, and the Secret of a Good Life.
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A Grieving Brother Finds Solace In His Sister's 'Small Town'

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A Grieving Brother Finds Solace In His Sister's 'Small Town'

A Grieving Brother Finds Solace In His Sister's 'Small Town'

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Sometimes life is like this: It took a tragedy for the journalist Rod Dreher to rediscover his hometown. As a teenager, Dreher could not wait to escape southern Louisiana. And then as an adult he went home for his sister's funeral. And Rod Dreher says that event demonstrated the value of community. This is the subject of his new book, "The Little Way of Ruthie Leming: A Southern Girl, a Small Town and the Secret of a Good Life." NPR's Debbie Elliott visited Dreher at home in St. Francisville, Louisiana.

DEBBIE ELLIOTT, BYLINE: On this bright spring day, Rod Dreher walks me down the historic block he now calls home. The houses have welcoming wide front porches. Just around the corner, tucked between sprawling oaks, is the United Methodist Church he grew up in and where Ruthie Leming's funeral was a year and a half ago.

ROD DREHER: People waited for hours for her wake, to come in and pay their respects.

ELLIOTT: The line stretched more than a block.

DREHER: It was a moment of intense grace. Want to walk in?


DREHER: It should be open. Everybody leaves their churches open here.


DREHER: Here's the rope for the bell in the church. And Ruthie and I as little children would jump up and grab the knots on the rope and pull the bell down after church.


ELLIOTT: Ruthie Leming was just 42 years old when she died - a beloved middle-school teacher married to an Iraq war veteran and local firefighter, her high school sweetheart. The town was rocked by her diagnosis. The Lemings had touched many families here in some way or another. And during her 19-month battle with cancer, the community touched back in countless ways - caring for their three daughters, cooking meals, and raising money for her medical bills. This outpouring for his little sister struck Rod Dreher, who was living in Philadelphia with his family at the time.

DREHER: I came to realize that the same social bonds that held me back as a young man were the things that was holding my family together and holding them up in their time of crisis.

ELLIOTT: Rod Dreher had long ago left this part of Louisiana, just up the Mississippi River from Baton Rouge. His journalism career had taken him to Washington, D.C., New York, Dallas. He'd become a citydweller who rubbed shoulders with important and famous people. During those years away, a divide was growing.

DREHER: It was very hard for my family to understand why I did what I did, in part because they were such people of the place and of the land.

ELLIOTT: In particular, his father and sister Ruthie thought Rod's place was back home with them.

DREHER: And they saw my desiring something different as a sign of disorder, and of disloyalty and of rejection. And that's something that Ruthie and I never were able to resolve.

ELLIOTT: "The Little Way of Ruthie Leming" is part memoir, part tribute, and part exploration of the cultural ties that bind. A key character in the book is St. Francisville doctor Tim Lindsay. His daughter is a close friend of one of the Leming girls. I met him in the exam room where Ruthie Leming first came to get a second opinion about a nagging cough.

DR. TIM LINDSAY: I noticed there was something not right.

ELLIOTT: Ruthie was so short of breath she couldn't finish her sentences. Tests confirmed the worst - lung cancer. And it spread to her brain.

LINDSAY: It actually is the blessing and the curse of being in my own hometown practicing medicine. Because the blessing is that I get to have a front row seat to these real-life dramas, that I'm able to serve in a way with people that I know and I love and I'm invested in. The curse is that it might be my daughter's best friend's mom.

ELLIOTT: The response from people like Tim and Laura Lindsay and other family friends got Rod Dreher thinking about what his sister was building back home while he was off building his career. The barn dances, campfires and lazy days down by the creek, he writes, are like a levee they had spent a lifetime building together. And in the catastrophe of her cancer, the levee was holding.


DREHER: Careful now.

ELLIOTT: Rod Dreher and Ruthie's best friend, Abby Temple Cochran, spread a mess of boiled crawfish over newspaper at Ronnie Morgan's camp, a sprawling expanse of green that leads down to the white sand beaches of Thompson creek.

RONNIE MORGAN: This is Starhill Riviera.

ELLIOTT: Starhill is the rural community outside St. Francisville where the Drehers have lived four generations. Ruthie and her friends spent most weekends here at Ronnie's camp. On this early spring evening, Rod and Ruthie's mom joins the gathering.

DOROTHY DREHER: Hey, how y'all doing? I'm Mam.

ELLIOTT: Everybody calls Dorothy Dreher "Mam." She seems to enjoy Ruthie's friends, telling the story of how they stood watch with her casket the night before the funeral, painting her nails and sprinkling in a little sand from the Riviera.

ASHLEY FOX-SMITH: I bedazzled her. I put a little bit of glitter on her.

ABBY TEMPLE COCHRAN: We glittered her up.

ELLIOTT: The next day, Ruthie's pallbearers were barefoot as they carried her casket to the Starhill cemetery, in honor of Ruthie's carefree spirit and general dislike of footwear - all stories that Rod Dreher tells in "The Little Way of Ruthie Leming." Mam just finished reading the book.

D. DREHER: I finally got through it, but it was hard. It was reliving what I'd already lived. Tells the truth about things, you know? We're just normal people. We're just old country people, you know?

ELLIOTT: People who got by, she says, because Ruthie forced a good face.

D. DREHER: She didn't let you, even though I saw it, you know, you just, well, we got another day today, well, we got another day today, you know. And you just keep thinking, well, I got another day.

ELLIOTT: Her friend and long-time neighbor, Ronnie Morgan, was there when the days ran out.

MORGAN: It was just like losing one of your own.

ELLIOTT: It's hard to talk about that day, so Ronnie Morgan changes the subject and, always quick with a joke, starts ribbing Rod.

MORGAN: He was way too smart for Starhill.

ELLIOTT: The joke hits a nerve - the same struggle that Rod had with his sister Ruthie and his father. The two men stand in the rustic wood-paneled camp house - Ronnie Morgan decked in overalls and sipping a can of Miller beer; Rod Dreher in his heavy horn-rimmed glasses with a strawberry ale, reaching for common ground. Ronnie tells Rod that some good has come from the family's tragedy.

MORGAN: Well, first place, it kind of showed you what the true meaning of life was.


DREHER: Yeah, it's true.

MORGAN: And, you know, the family and your values, you can't buy that. When I'm gone, the only thing that's going to show up to say I was here is the people I left behind.

ELLIOTT: And the way they carry on in your absence. In the book, Rod quotes Ruthie's husband Mike, telling a friend we're leaning, but we're leaning on each other. And that's the Louisiana community that Rod Dreher once again calls home. Debbie Elliott, NPR News.


INSKEEP: And you can hear Rod Dreher read from "The Little Way of Ruthie Leming" at NPR.org.

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