All I Don't Want For Christmas Ah, the comfort of cliché gifts and holiday expectations well met. Frozen songwriters Bobby and Kristen Lopez sing about not-so-original gifts to the tune of Mariah Carey's classic holiday earworm.
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All I Don't Want For Christmas

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All I Don't Want For Christmas

All I Don't Want For Christmas

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Let's welcome our good friends and the songwriters of Disney's "Frozen," Bobby and Kristen Lopez.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, this was obviously a huge year for you guys. Did your kids dress up as the characters for Halloween?

KRISTEN LOPEZ: Actually, our kids dressed up as the characters last year when no one knew about them. And this year, our 9-year-old is so over it, but our 5-year-old spends most of her day in the deluxe Elsa costume most of the day.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: The deluxe.

K. LOPEZ: Yeah, she's very - she wants another deluxe 'cause she grew out of the other one. And I went on eBay to find out what the deluxe Elsa costume costs, and it - I was like you're not getting a deluxe Elsa costume.

(LAUGHTER)

K. LOPEZ: Sorry.

EISENBERG: You can't just get one?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You have to go on eBay?

BOBBY LOPEZ: We went to the Disney store, seriously, and the songs were playing. And we were like, you know, we actually wrote those songs.

(LAUGHTER)

K. LOPEZ: It was only - it was because she said we were trying to use our little Disney discount...

B. LOPEZ: Right.

K. LOPEZ: And she was like, what you do for Disney?

B. LOPEZ: Right, we were like, we wrote those songs. And she was like, why?

K. LOPEZ: Why?

(LAUGHTER)

K. LOPEZ: So, you know, we just stay home.

EISENBERG: Well, we can't have you on our show without using your incredible talents. So this is a game called All I Want For Christmas. And let's meet our contestants, Jen Ryan and Kelli Buczek. Kelli, Jen, can you tell me about the worst gift you have ever given someone?

KELLI BUCZEK: I can think of so many more worst ones I've gotten, but..

EISENBERG: Sure, yeah.

BUCZEK: The worst one, I think, is - I was in college, my best friend - I was like oh, I know she collects these great nutcrackers, so I was trying to find the craziest looking nutcracker. And I wrapped it up, and she was like, oh, a nutcracker. And I was like, don't you collect these? And she said no, I guess I do now.

(LAUGHTER)

BUCZEK: It was awful. I guess I was wrong.

EISENBERG: Jen?

JEN RYAN: I'm with Kristen. I gave somebody the flu for Christmas once.

(LAUGHTER)

RYAN: I had just crashed my car. I had been fired from my job. And for Christmas, I got the most hideous flu, and I ended up giving it to, like, my best friend and her kids.

(LAUGHTER)

RYAN: But I give really good gifts. I try to give nice gifts to people that I like, and I give the flu to people that I love.

(LAUGHTER)

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: So tonight we are going to celebrate these traditional, perhaps even cliche, gifts, and the comfort of holiday expectations well met. The Lopez's will sing with me Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" - which is a fantastic song, and I'm not being sarcastic. I am being sarcastic...

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: ...With clues to not-so-great Christmas gifts. Just ring in and tell us which gifts we are talking about. Are you ready?

BUCZEK: Indeed.

COULTON: OK.

K. LOPEZ: (Singing) I don't want a lot for Christmas. What I want involves some seeds, terracotta figurine with little sprouts that grow like weeds, just like I saw on TV. Hope somebody hears my plea. It's ch-ch-cheesy, yet, all I want for Christmas is...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Jen?

RYAN: (Singing) a Chia Pet.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Yeah.

RYAN: Thank you for putting me in therapy and making me sing with an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award winner.

(LAUGHTER)

B. LOPEZ: I've not won any awards for singing, though, so here we go.

COULTON: Neither have I.

(LAUGHTER)

K. LOPEZ: Also, let's talk about how this melody is a little bit like quantum physics. You have to sort of approximate what it is.

B. LOPEZ: Yeah.

K. LOPEZ: There's no real - it just goes like...

B. LOPEZ: It's a lot of riffing. So here we go.

(LAUGHTER)

B. LOPEZ: (Singing) you know that I dig my music, always have my headphones on. And I will download anything, yeah, that conclusion is foregone. You don't know me well enough to buy a CD, just confess. 'Cause there is something Apple sells online or at a CVS. So if you don't know my taste, don't let this gift go to waste. This one's not so hard. All I want for Christmas is...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Kelli?

BUCZEK: (Singing) an iPod. No?

COULTON: No.

BUCZEK: No, no, no?

COULTON: No, I'm sorry. That's not the answer we're looking for.

EISENBERG: No, not quite, not quite.

K. LOPEZ: But I like your earrings.

BUCZEK: Oh, thank you.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Good save, Kristen.

BUCZEK: Well, then it was worth the trip, so thank you.

COULTON: Jen, do you know the answer?

RYAN: An iTunes gift card.

COULTON: That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

BUCZEK: What're you going to use your gift card on, though? You've got to put on your iPod.

EISENBERG: Kelli's working out how her answer makes sense.

BUCZEK: Yeah, I'm justifying it.

(LAUGHTER)

K. LOPEZ: I feel you, Kelli. I've been there. I've been there.

COULTON: (Singing) If you don't know what to get me, make my home seem less austere. Situated in a glass, this wax affects my atmosphere. Some will smell like eucalyptus, others like a pumpkin patch. And to simulate these odors, all I do is light a match.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Kelli.

BUCZEK: I'm kind of scared to answer. (Singing) all I want for Christmas is a candle.

COULTON: Yes, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

K. LOPEZ: (Singing) oh, it looks like you got my name in the secret Santa pool. There's something you can get that would make my desk look cool, a year of different kittens or new vocab words written. Santa you can tell me if it's April, May or June while I read a Far Side cartoon, yeah...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Kelli?

BUCZEK: (Singing) calendar.

COULTON: Yeah...

BUCZEK: Desktop calendar? Day - every day, day-by-day calendar?

COULTON: Yeah, yeah.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

K. LOPEZ: Day-to-day calendar.

COULTON: Words, words, more and more words about calendars.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: This is your last question. (Singing) I just want to munch this Christmas, something salty, something sweet. And I know my office-mates are also waiting for this treat. I attack the caramel. Others think the cheese is swell. Reusable bin, baby, all I want for Christmas is...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Kelli.

BUCZEK: (Singing) popcorn in a tin.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: It looks like we have a winner of this round. Both of them, amazing pipes and tons of fun, but Kelli emerged as our winner of this round.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Let's hear one more time for Kristen and Bobby Lopez.

(APPLAUSE)

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