RENEE MONTAGNE, HOST:
On Memorial Day, we heard stories of soldiers who gave their lives serving their country. Many others make it home and live on for years. But caring for veterans at the end of their natural lives can be a complex task. Many struggle with guilt, abandonment and regret. The Army and VA are working to help them. Patricia Murphy of member station KUOW in Seattle visited one Army hospital carrying out that mission.
PATRICIA MURPHY, BYLINE: Mark Goodwin rode a Harley. He liked to barbecue, and he loved the Seattle Seahawks. The retired Army first sergeant was a season ticket holder. That's what he liked. Then there's what he was like.
TRACI GOODWIN: He was the kind of person that wanted to make sure that everyone else in his life was taken care of.
MURPHY: This is Mark's wife, Traci Goodwin.
GOODWIN: I think that's part of being a soldier, part of being a leader. So he was used to looking after people.
MURPHY: But when Mark was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer last year, she says it was Mark who needed someone to look after him. He ended up at Madigan Army Medical Center in Tacoma, Wash. The Palliative Care Team there helped the couple manage everything from pain care to Mark's veteran benefits.
GOODWIN: While we were focused on recovery and healing, they wanted to make sure that all of his documents were in order in order to make sure that I wouldn't be left with a pile of paperwork or unsure of what to do.
MURPHY: The end of life is an intimate journey. When confronted with it, many are unprepared. To help, Madigan has one of the Army's most comprehensive and well-trained end-of-life teams. It includes physicians, nurses and social workers. Chaplain George Wallace works with the group full-time.
CHAPLAIN GEORGE WALLACE: Sometimes what emerges is issues of betrayal and guilt. We have these really, really high, almost superhuman standards. We call it the warrior ethos. I'll never quit - that kind of thing. And that's great, but it often comes with some baggage after the fact if you feel like, I didn't quite live up or I left a buddy behind that I couldn't bring home.
MURPHY: There are other challenges. Some vets are alone at the end of life. They may be estranged from friends and family because of post-traumatic stress or substance abuse issues. It can be a terrifying place, but also ripe for transformation and forgiveness. Wallace says he's seen it many times.
WALLACE: You begin to realize that you're running out of time and so that has a way of jarring, I think, a person in opening a space that can be very fruitful.
MURPHY: Mark and Traci Goodwin weren't alone, but they still needed help. They spent a year at the medical center, the doctors trying to save him. But the couple knew they were walking on a knife's edge.
GOODWIN: When Mark finally realized that perhaps it wasn't going to work out the way we had been praying for, he called them in along with his nursing team and wanted to talk to them, and he actually asked me to leave the room so that he could speak to them in private.
MURPHY: Traci says she was stunned. They'd been married for two decades and told each other everything. Mark's request to speak privately with his caregivers revealed the extraordinary relationship he'd built with them. He entrusted them to deliver a message to his wife about his deepest fears during his final hours.
GOODWIN: They relayed to me that his concerns were me and how I would deal with it. So I went to him after that to give him the peace of saying it's OK. If you are ready, then I can let you go.
MURPHY: Mark passed away the next evening. When a veteran or service member dies at Madigan Army Medical Center or the VA, an American flag is placed over the body. As it's wheeled from the room, hospital staff line the hall. Some salute, others stand at attention to honor a veteran's service and sacrifice. For NPR News, I'm Patricia Murphy in Seattle.
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