Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news: Playing the Trump Card; Berning Up The Campaign Trail; Slower. Lower. More Cowardly.
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, a healthy part of your complete breakfast. And here is your host at the Jay Pritzker Pavilion in Millennium Park in Chicago, Ill.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you. Thank you, Chicago. We are so excited to be here in this beautiful summer day in Chicago's Millennium Park. Now, we are doing this show - seriously - right next to Lollapalooza, which is happening this weekend. It is right over there behind a fence. Now, we here, do not need them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is the festival version of the nerd table.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We got each other.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So let me tell you, grab onto your inhalers because this is going to get exciting. Later on, we're going to be talking to the rising superstar of Chicago hip-hop Chance the Rapper. Our first question will be, so what do you do? Whatever you do for a living, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-9248-9248. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

MATT BELLER: Hi Peter. This is Matt Beller.

SAGAL: Hey, Matt. Where are you calling from?

BELLER: From Santa Monica, Calif.

SAGAL: I love Santa Monica. Santa Monica's a great place. It's got the beach. It's got the beautiful people.

FAITH SALIE: Home of "Three's Company."

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Matt. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, a comedian and a producer now for "Why? With Hannibal Burress" on Comedy Central. He'll be performing at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood on August 1 through the 8. It's Brian Babylon.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and the host of CUNY TV's "Science Goes to the Movies,." It's Faith Salie.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And the host of "My Grandmother's Ravioli" Wednesdays on the Cooking Channel and correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning," Mr. Mo Rocca joins us here.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So Matt, you're going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis, right here, is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. You're job of course - explain or identify, perhaps, just two of them. Do that and you will win our prize - the voice of scorekeeper, Emeritus Carl Kasell on your voicemail. Are you ready to do this?

BELLER: I'm ready, Peter.

SAGAL: All right. Now, your first quote is a warning from Republican Senator Lindsey Graham.

KURTIS: Don't be the world's biggest jackass.

SAGAL: That was Lindsey Graham giving some advice to the 16 other people who, like him, are doing what?

BELLER: Running for the GOP nomination?

SAGAL: Exactly right, Matt. Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Let's hear it for Matt.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Right now, nobody knows how many Republican candidates there actually are. It's an irrational number, like the value of pi.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the first GOP debate next week will only feature the candidates who are the top 10 in the last few polls. Donald Trump will be there. He's still number one. Jeb Bush will be there. He's taking the spot always reserved for a person named Bush. But the rest of the candidates have all been forced to turn on the crazy just to attract enough attention to make the cut. Basically, all the GOP candidates are in the position of people who are about to be sentenced for a terrible crime. They have to prove they're insane, or they'll never be heard from again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Have you seen what these guys are actually doing in order to, like, get a bump in the polls? Rand Paul put out a video in which he attacked the tax code with a chainsaw, set it on fire and put it in a wood chipper.

SALIE: And then...

SAGAL: That is wrestling behavior.

BRIAN BABYLON: That is pro-wrestling behavior.

SAGAL: Actually, in this campaign, it passes for policy discussion.

SALIE: And then Lindsey Graham joined in, right?

SAGAL: Lindsey Graham - as you may remember, Donald Trump gave out Lindsey Graham's phone number in public, so Lindsey Graham put out a video of himself destroying his cell phone. And people watched that video - got a lot of hits - and they said, well, that's a Nokia model 6133 flip phone, but who's that guy?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's like whatever they need to do to get into the debate, they'll do it. Because if they are not in the debate, they're done. Bobby Jindal went to Zimbabwe and killed that lion again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is true. So there are - now there are 17 candidates. Somebody just joined this week. I've already forgotten him. And the ones who don't make the cut for the actual debate next week will be invited to a pre-debate that everybody is calling the kids table.

MAURICE ROCCA: The kids table. It's so sad.

SAGAL: They're going to sit around. They're going to drink some sippy cups, have some juice boxes -

BABYLON: Hold on, are they calling it that seriously?

SALIE: Yeah - the kiddy table.

SAGAL: No, what they're going to do is - they're going to get an hour to talk about the issues. And then Megyn Kelly is going to put on "Frozen" so they don't make any noise while they have the real debate.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Matt. Here is your next quote.

KURTIS: Feel the burn.

SAGAL: That is the campaign slogan for what other presidential candidate created by supporters in Vermont?

BELLER: I'm going to guess Bernie Sanders?

SAGAL: Yes, Bernie Sanders, Matt.

(APPLAUSE, SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Amazingly enough, there are also Democrats running for president. Among them is Bernie Sanders. Despite our making fun of his hair a few months ago, Bern momentum continues to gather. And we are glad that his supporters went with, feel the Bern for their slogan rather than, a Berning sensation.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or, it Berns when I vote.

BABYLON: But you still have to go to the doctor regardless of all of those options.

SAGAL: Yeah, check it out. Well, the good thing about Bernie is he appeals to such a wide variety of voters - both urban liberals and suburban liberals.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And his supporter base has every shade of white. It's...

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: You know, he - I think he does have momentum though because I saw that there - he has a signature cocktail now.

SAGAL: He does?

SALIE: If you're having - if you're very grassrootsy and you're having a house party, you're supposed to make a Bernie Sanders maple syrup cocktail.

SAGAL: Really?

SALIE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Oh, I thought it was something like vodka and kombucha. I had no idea.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This - but now of course everybody wants Bernie to succeed - even the people that don't agree with him because they want a contest with Hillary. They don't want Hillary to just walk to the nomination, right? And she is really planning to protect her lead. She was asked this week her opinion on the controversial Keystone XL Pipeline. And her response was, I'll tell you when I'm president.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's not a dodge. It's a cliffhanger strategy. It's like, you know, finding out who killed J.R. - or, for you to younger listeners, who swiped Dora's backpack. You have to keep watching to find out.

BABYLON: But can't she - you know, what? She can almost say that for every answer the whole election, you know?

SAGAL: She has been making some statements. It turns out that she is for good things and against bad things.

BABYLON: She's a go-getter.

SAGAL: She's a go-getter. This is true. A website submitted a questionnaire, got an answer. They asked her what her greatest weakness was. And she answered, quote, "I get really frustrated with people who don't understand what I think it's going to take to make our country great tomorrow just like we were yesterday."

BABYLON: What?

SAGAL: That's what she said. That's her greatest weakness.

BABYLON: What kind of Obi-Wan Kenobi talk was that?

SALIE: That's like...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: She's preserving a sense of mystery. I find that very sexy. I don't like candidates who show you everything.

SAGAL: I hope she maintains that for the presidency when she's inaugurated. She'll be like, I, Hillary Rodham... I'm not going to tell you. All right, Matt, for your last quote, some inspiring words.

KURTIS: Think small. Limit your dreams.

SAGAL: That was Thomas J. Whalen, a professor at Boston University, suggesting a slogan for his city after it backed out of its bid to get what?

BELLER: The Olympics?

SAGAL: The Olympics, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The Olympic Torch in Boston has been extinguished because the mayor of the city peed all over it. He said, there is no way the city would be responsible for any cost overruns - no way. And people were saying well, there won't be any cost overruns. Really? The last Olympics that came in on budget happened in 392 B.C.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And they did it naked on dirt.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I mean, you know what? I want the Olympics in, like, Peoria. Hey, what was that slogan again?

SAGAL: The slogan?

BABYLON: That be small - that sounds...

SAGAL: That was a very upset guy. He was a booster for the Olympics, and he was so upset that Boston just walked away from it that he said, the message of this move was think small; limit your dreams.

BABYLON: Wow.

SALIE: That's not bad advice.

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Matt do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He was Boston strong. Matt's a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Matt. Well done.

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