Panel Round One Our panelists answer questions about the week's news... Inloxicated.
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Panel Round One

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Panel Round One

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

We want to remind everyone to join us most weeks back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in our hometown, Chicago. For tickets and more information, go over to wbez.org, or you can find a link at our website, waitwait.npr.org. Right now panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Luke, the salmon caught in Seattle - your home...

LUKE BURBANK: Oh.

SAGAL: ...Are known for their delicious flavor. They're rich in omega-3 antioxidants. And this week, we found out they're also high in what?

BURBANK: I can't believe I don't know this. I mostly study the salmon that are thrown by those guys in the fish market.

SAGAL: Oh yeah, the...

MO ROCCA: (Unintelligible) the salmon? The salmon (unintelligible)...

BURBANK: If there's any sporting event that's happening in Seattle, the network is legally required to at some point show those guys throwing that fish.

SAGAL: Yes.

BURBANK: And there has to be a Pearl Jam song playing while they do it.

SAGAL: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: So if it involved those particular salmon, I would know the answer. Can I get a hint?

SAGAL: You can get a hint. Well, it's why the salmon are so cheerful and energetic.

BURBANK: Coffee?

SAGAL: Not coffee.

BURBANK: Drugs?

SAGAL: Yes. They're apparently stuffed with anti-depressants and cocaine.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, it sounds alarming but let's be honest, if you knew that you had to travel 900 miles just to have sex one time and then die...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...And you'd probably get eaten by a bear on the way anyway, you would do drugs, too.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Cocaine?

SAGAL: Cocaine - now, drugs...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Drugs like Prozac and cocaine are being flushed into the waters of Seattle, which goes into the bay. So the fish are literally coked to the gills.

(LAUGHTER)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: What? Wait, wait, wait, that's a big amount of water. So even if you flushed a couple of pills down there, right, or...

SAGAL: Well no, it's true - it seems unlikely, but remember that fish have an ability, which is not a good one as far as this is concerned, to absorb things into their flesh. And in addition, scientists were clued into this when they noticed a number of the wild coho salmon were really into house music.

ROCCA: Well, wait a minute, now let me ask...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I'm stuck on...

BURBANK: I saw one driving a Ferrari.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: It's such a dead giveaway.

ROCCA: On the cocaine thing, do salmon even have nostrils? I don't...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We were actually - and think about it - well, they do but it's...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's really - it's really hard - it's really hard, of course, for them to snort the cocaine because their nostrils are on opposite sides of their head.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they had to do one nostril on a line and then they've got to flop over...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Oh, so there's like a girl on each side.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's like that. Yeah.

ROBERTS: So is this - this accounts for those jumps then?

SAGAL: Yeah, you know, that - this is - this is why salmon are always, like, trying to jump up waterfalls. They're like come on, guys. It'll be fun.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: The line - the line to get into the salmon bathroom is so long.

SAGAL: I know, it's terrible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But also, this means that somewhere people are eating cocaine-infused lox, which is why your...

ROCCA: Right.

SAGAL: ...Which is why your bubby always wants to go clubbing.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SOMETHING IN THE WATER")

CARRIE UNDERWOOD: (Singing) There must be something in the water. Oh, there must be something in the water.

SAGAL: Coming up, our panelists apologize for something they never should have done. But it's okay, they're all lying. It's our Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.

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