Bald Eagles In this game, Jonathan Coulton parodies songs by the Eagles, to be about people who are currently, or were at some point, bald. Contestants identify the bald person he's singing about.
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Bald Eagles

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Bald Eagles

Bald Eagles

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Next, Jonathan Coulton will throw his toupee in the trash and treat us to a music parody about bald people. But first, let's check in with our contestants. Courtney, I recently learned that the most popular car color is white. Is that true?

COURTNEY MINK: Yes. And there are lots of shades of white, though.

EISENBERG: Right. I'm thinking they don't just call it white. There's got to be...

MINK: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...Sexier names.

MINK: Yeah, and also depending upon the country, it's - you know, like Japan, white is a popular color. But in China, it's a different shade of white. And they call it different things, but it really is the same color. So there's a lot of international, you know, hostilities around white too.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yep.

SETH TANNENBAUM: I just bought a white car.

EISENBERG: Seth, you're a former national Ultimate Frisbee champion - in Spain. How is your title specific to Spain?

TANNENBAUM: Because that is where I won it. I was studying abroad in Madrid...

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TANNENBAUM: ...And I joined an Ultimate Frisbee team because I play Ultimate Frisbee. I thought it would be fun, thought it would be a good way to meet a lot of Spanish people. It turns out it's a great way to meet a lot of Americans studying abroad.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: OK. And what do you get when you win a national...

TANNENBAUM: A nasty hangover.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Let's go to your next game where we finally grant Jonathan Coulton his lifelong wish, which is to play series of Eagles song parodies.

JONATHAN COULTON: My whole life I've been waiting. We are in Eagles country, so this game is called Bald Eagles.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: We took songs by the Eagles, the band, not the team - their songs are terrible - and rewrote them. It's just their strength is not songwriting. That's all I'm - that's all I mean - and rewrote them to be about people who are currently, or were at some point, bald either naturally or via shaving. Buzz in to identify the bald person that I'm singing about. And if you are correct, you may name the Eagles' song for a bonus point.

EISENBERG: OK, Courtney, you won the last game, so you win this and you're going to the final round. Seth, you need to win this. Or as a penalty, you'll have to polish every Ben Franklin statue in Philadelphia, which I know is more than one.

TANNENBAUM: Yeah, I would think so.

COULTON: OK, here we go. (Singing) On a dark desert highway, she drives the war rig, 2004 Oscar from a previous gig, South African model, on film she became a tough avenger with a prosthetic arm, Furiosa's her name.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Courtney.

MINK: Charlize Theron.

COULTON: Yes, that's right. Do you know the song?

MINK: "Hotel California."

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: That's right. (Singing) Well, I'm speeding down the road in a franchise bestowed where I'm playing Dom Toretto. First delivered me fame, in the fifth, the Rock came, one of them's in Tokyo.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Seth.

TANNENBAUM: Vin Diesel.

COULTON: Vin Diesel is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Do you know the song?

TANNENBAUM: "Take It Easy."

COULTON: "Take It Easy," you got it.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) He used to play ball in the NFL, then he gave acting a chance. So you can see him on "Brooklyn Nine-Nine" now, he's the guy who makes his pecs dance.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Courtney.

MINK: Terry Crews.

COULTON: That is correct.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: And the song?

MINK: "Peaceful Easy Feeling."

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Terry Crews' story, I feel like, is a good inspirational story for actors that they just have to become professional football players first...

COULTON: It's a good shortcut.

EISENBERG: ...And then - (laughter) exactly.

COULTON: (Singing) This pop star had a meltdown. But back in her prime, she scored with "Hit Me Baby One More Time."

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Courtney.

MINK: Britney Spears.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Do you know the song?

MINK: "Take It To The Limit."

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: (Singing) Was possessed in the extreme, the first to call the Ghostbusters team. As Ripley, she kicked ass supreme. Too bad in space, no one can hear you scream.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Courtney.

MINK: Sigourney Weaver.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: And do you know the song?

MINK: No. This one I don't know.

COULTON: Don't know the song. It is "Lyin' Eyes."

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Sure. Smattering of applause for "Lyin' Eyes."

EISENBERG: Can't hide them.

COULTON: All right. This is your last clue. (Singing) Irish singer had her big breakthrough, when she sang, "Nothing Compares 2 U." She owes that one to Prince.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Courtney.

MINK: Sinead O'Connor.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Do you know the song?

MINK: Sorry to disappoint, but no, I don't.

COULTON: Oh, you haven't disappointed. You've done a fantastic job, Courtney. But it is called "I Can't Tell You Why." Puzzle Guru Art Chung, how did our contestants do?

ART CHUNG: I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to Seth. Courtney, you won both games, and you're moving on to the final round.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: Coming up, Amy Sedaris joins us for the ultimate showdown between arts and crafts. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and you're listening to ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(APPLAUSE)

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