Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...My Dinner With Donald; Tweet Relief!, Killennials
NPR logo

Who's Bill This Time

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/532300351/532378682" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/532300351/532378682" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm legendary anchorman Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. We have a great show for you today. Later on we're going to be talking to the renowned relationship counselor Esther Perel. Now, Miss Perel has done an amazing thing. She's put out a new podcast, which has tape of real people talking about their very real, very personal relationship problems.

It seems crazy because, boy, having tape of yourself out in the world saying embarrassing, idiotic things about sex will either ruin your life or, in select cases, make you president.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So grab your phone by the numbers and give us a call.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

MIKE GROUPER: And a good hello to you.

SAGAL: Well, and a fine hello to you, sir. Who's this?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: It's Mr. Rogers.

(LAUGHTER)

GROUPER: This is Mike Grouper (ph) from Franklin, Tenn.

SAGAL: Now, where's Franklin, sir?

GROUPER: Franklin is just south of Nashville.

SAGAL: All right, so do you consider yourself, like, in a Nashville suburb or do you resent those people?

GROUPER: Oh, yes, yes.

SAGAL: Yeah, and what do you do there?

GROUPER: I paint murals.

SAGAL: No kidding, really?

GROUPER: Yes.

SAGAL: So, like, those big ones on buildings you see in the streets?

GROUPER: That's the ones.

SAGAL: What is the craziest thing that you have been asked to paint on the side of a wall?

GROUPER: Oh, wow. I've painted, you know, like, walls to look like ghost murals that look like they've been there for a hundred years.

SAGAL: Really? So those are fake?

GROUPER: Oh, yeah. We had...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'll never believe anything again. Well, Mike, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning" and author of the recent memoir "Approval Junkie," it's Faith Salie.

FAITH SALIE: Hi, Mike.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, it's a comedian and author of the new book "The Totally Unscientific Study Of The Search For Human Happiness." You can see her at the Paramount Theater in Denver on June 17. That's Paula Poundstone.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Finally, one of the hosts of BuzzFeed's award-winning podcast "Another Round." She's making her debut with us. You can find her on Twitter, @brokeymcpoverty.

TRACY CLAYTON: Please send me a dollar. Thank you in advance.

SAGAL: It's Tracy Clayton.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So, Mike, as I'm sure you anticipated, you're going to start us off with Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis right here is going to recreate for you three quotations from this very busy news week. Your job - explain or identify it. Do it 2 times out of 3, you will win the prize. The voice of scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell on your voicemail.

GROUPER: Ready to go.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here is your first quote.

KURTIS: You're big. You're strong.

SAGAL: That was Senator Dianne Feinstein apparently trying to buck up someone who testified for three hours to the Senate on Thursday. Who?

GROUPER: I'm thinking that would be James Comey.

SAGAL: It would be James Comey.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, he's big. He's strong.

(APPLAUSE)

SALIE: He's tall.

SAGAL: He is tall. The testimony from the former FBI director gripped the nation like a political Super Bowl. Lady Gaga bungee jumped right in the middle of Marco Rubio's questions.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: To watch it in bars around the country, people wore game jerseys with their favorite players' names on the back - Comey, Burr, Feinstein, Putin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But - and I'm not joking about the bars. Bars opened early on Thursday so people could drink while watching a 10 a.m. hearing. I mean, this may seem weird but, come on, it's June 2017. If you have not been day drinking for four months straight already, you haven't been paying attention.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This all began when Donald Trump asked Jim Comey if he would like to have dinner with him alone. That dinner was so awkward and disturbing to Comey that he told the attorney general he never wanted to be alone with Donald Trump again, making him the one-millionth person to say that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did you guys watch it?

SALIE: I watched the highlights.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I didn't get - I was on an airplane flying to Chicago.

SAGAL: Well, I'm sorry. We wanted you to be...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, ruin my life, would you?

SALIE: So there was this whole conversation with that Republican senator from Idaho, I think.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: Risch or something?

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: About hope versus tell, right?

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: Because Trump said, I hope - something like, I hope you'll see your way clear...

SAGAL: Right.

SALIE: ...To...

SAGAL: Well, he didn't tell you to do it. He was just saying he hoped you might.

SALIE: Yeah, the audacity of hope, right?

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: And I have not seen a lot of, you know, mafia movies. But I do know enough that when they're like, yeah, I hope nothing happens to your family. That would be a shame, you know?

(APPLAUSE)

CLAYTON: You don't even have to go to mafia movies...

SAGAL: What?

CLAYTON: ...I don't think to understand that because if you grew up with a mom or a parent, it's just like, you know, I hope you take that chicken out of the freezer before I get home.

(LAUGHTER)

CLAYTON: I hope you decide to do that. And you know what she means.

SALIE: This was a great week for America if only because we got to hear Wolf Blitzer say hookers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, we got to see - we got to hear Wolf Blitzer say hookers in public.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: And then - and then, of course, Comey, he just starts referencing Henry II and Thomas Becket?

SAGAL: It was pretty high-minded.

SALIE: It was.

POUNDSTONE: That was in the highlights?

SALIE: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: It's getting a little obscure there for me, honestly.

SALIE: There's no fuzz on that.

POUNDSTONE: Did he say anything about Gilligan or the Skipper? Because that I would understand.

SAGAL: So would the president. All right, Mike. Mike, your next quote is from The Washington Post. According to them, it's what the White House staff is telling the president on a regular basis.

KURTIS: Please don't. You're not helping things.

SAGAL: What are they pleading with him not to do?

GROUPER: Oh, I've got - this one's got to be please don't tweet.

SAGAL: Exactly right, Mike.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: And apparently, it worked because amazingly, at least during the day of the Comey hearing, he was quiet. This week, presidential spokespeople told us that we should ignore the president's tweets and also take them as official statements. But are these tweets expressions of U.S. policy or the embarrassing, unhinged thoughts of a madman? Turns out, they're both.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Can I ask you guys a question?

POUNDSTONE: Yes, please.

SAGAL: When he doesn't tweet...

SALIE: I get nervous.

POUNDSTONE: I feel really lonely.

SAGAL: Really?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It's weird. I have - you know, I have become accustomed - I go online hoping that he's said something nutty again. And if he hasn't, I do feel a little empty.

SAGAL: I do too. I kind of miss it.

CLAYTON: Am I the only one who does not?

SAGAL: Really?

CLAYTON: No.

SAGAL: You want him to stop?

(APPLAUSE)

CLAYTON: I mean, on the one hand, no.

SAGAL: Yeah.

CLAYTON: But, I mean, being upset that he's not tweeting is like, for me, being upset that my student loan company's not calling me.

(LAUGHTER)

CLAYTON: Like, what's going on? Do they not like me anymore?

SAGAL: But it is amazing to me that they managed to convince the president not to tweet during the Comey testimony when he was being called a liar.

CLAYTON: I assumed they sedated him. I don't know.

SAGAL: Well, this is what I assume they did. I assume - 'cause you know he's never going to agree to not tweet. So what they probably did was they said they gave him a new phone, which was really just an old Speak & Spell.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And the president is like, hey, Priebus, how come this new phone you gave me keeps mooing?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Mike, here is your last quote.

KURTIS: The golf industry, napkins, manners, the vacation, bar soap and Home Depot.

SAGAL: Those are just some of the 28 things that, according to a roundup by BuzzFeed, are being killed as we speak by whom?

GROUPER: Wow.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

GROUPER: I'm going to need a little help with that one.

SAGAL: Yeah, well, these people should also get off our lawn.

GROUPER: I have absolutely no clue.

SAGAL: It is millennials.

CLAYTON: Millennials.

SAGAL: Now, millennials - you know, millennials, those young, smug daughters and sons of, well, basically our audience. They're upsetting everyone because of their stubborn refusal not to do things like old people do. Basically, all of this blaming millennials is just a new way of complaining about kids these days, right?

If BuzzFeed had existed in 1925, it would have published lists of things that the flapper generation had killed, like buggy whips, medicinal radium and...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: But that's coming back.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: What else was on the list?

SAGAL: Well, one of them was - there was a lot of things - 28 things - golf industry, manners. One of the articles read, why are millennials killing their bosses?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Which sounds more serious than killing the traditional sitcom. If so, how were they killing their bosses? We don't know what happened to Mr. Jones (ph). Somebody bashed in his head with avocado toast.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mike do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Two out of 3. That means he won.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Mike. Thanks for playing.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

Copyright © 2017 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.